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is this the start of manic/hypomanic?

diamondshine

diamondshine

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I disappeared for a while mostly due to exams. I am going away camping tomoro. Slgihtly concerned that i'm kinda hyper. I'm not very used to mania (only had one hypomainc episode) but i think the warning signs are there.

Been angry for no reason, not able to work out why or deal with it, went out with friends last ngiht and drank waaaaaay more than i usually would. I'd go back to the pub and down more pints if i had someone to do it with. Instead I'm just drinking at home. Had 4 hours sleep last night, been going to bed late all week. I'm not tired, don't want to sleep, just want to go on adventures. Which in this city is dangerous!! Can't sit still am all hyper and not anxious but very aware of everything. Is it called hyper-vigilant?

I am meant to be a leader this weekend. And i'm helping at the Queen's jubilee pageant on Sunday. I know it's in theory not a good thing but I just feel like I could take over the world. There's a little voice at the back of my head saying be careful but I'm kinda drowning it out.

Am I overreacting too early?
 
prairiechick

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Hi Diamond! It's good to see you around the forum again! It does sound like you might be winding up into hypomania again. I know you know that drinking like that is not going to help. Have you ever tried to get help for your drinking? It might be something to consider, because I know you have mentioned drinking before on the forum, and I'm actually a bit worried about the amount of drinking you are doing. It's not good for your body or your mood. Do you think it might be partly because of being stressed about the camping trip and being in a position of leadership? I know that I don't sleep well when I go camping, or go away anywhere on holidays. Please be careful, Diamond. I think you should try to get some help, and maybe ditch the camping trip, although I know that would be hard for you to do because you have such a sense of responsibility.
 
diamondshine

diamondshine

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To be honest I don't usually drink that much. Hence this is out of character. It's just a response to things I think. But yeah I know it's not healthy :(

I'm not really stresssed about camping. Excited and can't wait. I get to see the Queen! And help out.

I don't think I can ditch the camping trip. I'd be on my own in the flat. Which i think would be worse.

I just don't know what to do. Increasing meds has never been mentioned to me. I can damp it down with zopiclone and diazepam. but not for long.

I just want to take over the world. Am annoyed with the voice telling me i can't!!!
 
calypso

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Honey I really think you need to get to a doc asap and tell them everything you are feeling. Or ring up the Crisis Team. This is just as big a problem as depression and whilst you have insight, get the help you need.

At the moment it doesn't feel too bad, but you know this may well escalate and you really don't want to get to the point where you overspend, do something really embarrassing you will deeply regret later, or harm those around you with the anger etc. Try to hold on to that insight and get help, please. xxx
 
diamondshine

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I don't know how to get to a dr at this time of night. And they'd just tell me I can't do what I'm trying to do. Like camping etc. I'm not under crisis team any more.

I will see how things are tomoro I guess. Am trying to persuade myself I'm sleepy. It's not really working.

I almost don't want to have insight. I want to lose it completely. No-one understands. I just want to be me and not have to pretend and conform to their ideas of how I should be. I wish they could see it my way. It's all so cool, I get to camp and meet people and do fun stuff and see the queen. Am scared not to go, to be hoenst.
 
prairiechick

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Well, if you are going to go, please at least take your zopiclone and diazapam along with you so you can get some sleep. Not sleeping is just going to make this so much worse. But I do think it would be better if you could get some help this week end instead of going and doing things that are only going to accelerate your mania. Even if you have to go to A&E. Be careful, Diamond. You know how mania inevitably ends.
 
diamondshine

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I have got zop and diaz packed to take with me. I'll see how it goes. I haven't got time for any of this to go wrong now!!!!
 
calypso

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OK, do the weekend if it feels right for you, but remember that once you have been under the Crisis Team, you can always ring them again. Have a good time honey. When high we all get annoyed that no-one else sees things our way.
 
ReddishOfRed

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There's no doubt about it diamondshine, those highs are so addictive and irresistible, especially in view of the times when you feel rough or normal, you just want to fly.
All I'm going to say is just keep it together enough so you don't do anything with dire consequences, and be brave enough with the meds if you seems to need them.
 
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