Is this right?

J

JamesJules

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2018
Messages
1
#1
Hello,

I've been suffering from depression for most of my adult life (I'm 32), feel like I'm turning into a recluse, scared to go outside.
I finally plucked up the courage to try and get it sorted by going to the GP.
He advised me to seek help with the depression and anxiety department of the NHS.
After having 5-6 sessions with an assessor I was eventually seen by a senior who quickly determined that I probably have BDD (body dysmorphia), so that's the route we went down.
On my 5th session I was given homework to go outside and be in a social environment with people.
I tried but couldn't find the courage to do it, and upon explaining this to the therapist, she said I was being argumentative and that she feels uncomfortable continuing therapy with me because "I'm not ready for change" (I feel if I'm not ready now, when will I be?)
Continuing to say things like "this therapy is proven to work" and "we expect people to just come in, do the course and leave"
I'm now overwhelmed with guilt to the extent that I feel physically sick and actually fear going back to therapy, as any questions I may ask can be deemed argumentative, the sessions will be over and I'm back to square one without out knowing what do to next.

Am I the one who is in the wrong here?
Any advice is greatly appreciated.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
9,370
Location
England
#2
Hi,
I'm sorry this happened to you, not all therapists are good.
Sometimes it can take a while to find the right one.
It sounded like she was getting frustrated at you, which isn't on at all.
I'm here to listen.
Take care
 
S

sunshineandbutterflies

Member
Joined
Oct 12, 2017
Messages
17
#3
First of all, I am proud of you for seeking help. I know that can be challenging to even seek help, even though that can be the first step to healing. So sorry for what you experienced. Sometimes, it takes a little while to get the right counselor. I know that the first counselor that I spoke with told me that I did not have any problems and that she did not know why I was seeking counseling. I would recommend having an honest conversation with your therapist, if not able to do that I would seek another licensed counselor. Hope that you are able to find the help that you need. Would be glad to point you to a free consultation that would find a counselor in your area.
 
T

Tired Out

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 31, 2016
Messages
55
#4
Hello,

I've been suffering from depression for most of my adult life (I'm 32), feel like I'm turning into a recluse, scared to go outside.
I finally plucked up the courage to try and get it sorted by going to the GP.
He advised me to seek help with the depression and anxiety department of the NHS.
After having 5-6 sessions with an assessor I was eventually seen by a senior who quickly determined that I probably have BDD (body dysmorphia), so that's the route we went down.
On my 5th session I was given homework to go outside and be in a social environment with people.
I tried but couldn't find the courage to do it, and upon explaining this to the therapist, she said I was being argumentative and that she feels uncomfortable continuing therapy with me because "I'm not ready for change" (I feel if I'm not ready now, when will I be?)
Continuing to say things like "this therapy is proven to work" and "we expect people to just come in, do the course and leave"
I'm now overwhelmed with guilt to the extent that I feel physically sick and actually fear going back to therapy, as any questions I may ask can be deemed argumentative, the sessions will be over and I'm back to square one without out knowing what do to next.

Am I the one who is in the wrong here?
Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Hi JamesJules - I'm so sorry this was the "therapist" assigned to you. You've been very unfortunate coming across someone so heartless. No, it's definitely not right. Your cruel treatment by this person is just heartbreaking. Sometimes MH Professionals can be very arrogant. You tried - and a massive well done - but your "therapist" was sadly lacking in the necessary compassion or even normal levels of empathy. People like that - they're not bothered about you - they're only bothered about themselves. It's all about them. I had a horrendous experience with an online counsellor, who said something similar. So I know how it feels. I'm a BDD sufferer too.

If your "therapist" had known even the basics about BDD [ ie read NICE treatment guidelines ] she'd know that it's a horrendous, chronic condition, with one of the highest suicide rates of all the disorders. Therefore a gentle, compassionate approach is vital. Also the prognosis is poor currently. It seems we're still figuring out an effective treatment. Nice recommends CBT / therapy and SSRI's. Even the leading UK BDD expert [ David Veale ] admits that research / evidence is still quite lacking in terms of successful treatments. So the person who said that is not just heartless but un-informed.

If its something else like major depression well that's very serious and chronic too and there could be all sort of reasons etc. Sometimes diagnoses get thrown about quite freely in the NHS, sadly too.

What is your situation now? :grouphug:

I hope you come back to this forum JamesJules, you'll find support and kindness here xx

Take care :hug:
 
T

Trekster33

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 15, 2019
Messages
134
Location
South West UK
#5
Hello

I'm having a similar situation with trying to access a course. I was accused of being confrontational and argumentative both terms trigger off my cptsd worse. I felt unheard, ignored, sidelined and like I was a naughty child in school again.

I'm told the therapy group is like a classroom setting in one breath but that I cannot have a support worker in class in another. "It's not fair on the others" when I try and explain why I need the support worker in class I'm told "you're not ready for this course". I tried explaining that I've been waiting to be ready for group therapy for 27 years then I was told I needed one to one therapy. Also my case is compared with 112,000 cases in primary care to try and justify why I was railroaded into accepting a difficult date or an impossible one. I told her the consequences of her actions that I had to move and upset quite a number of the peers in the group I run in order to get to the meeting.

They've booked me into a meeting with both of them instead. So my cptsd and autism are doing somersaults trying to work out why they are punishing me by making all these changes.

When I phoned up asking why the letter says "worker" with two names next to it, one of them phoned me back, evaded the question as to why there are two people apart from to tell me he wasn't discussing this matter with me. He also threatened to remove contact from their service with me. I've asked for written information regarding the group therapy and support worker, because there are a number of holes in what they are telling me, it's very in accurate. If it really isn't fair on them then I'd like to see which act says that's the case and why that supersedes reasonable adjustments.

I had to cut off one service so I could access theirs in the first place. I've waited nearly a year and I'm on my third maybe fourth assessment with no therapy start date in sight.

I'm struggling to trust mental health services again, even shutting out my home help at times.

I know how this may sound but please accept that for me the services do not understand me. I had someone on another mental health forum after I had poured my heart out telling me I was looking for problems (I have hypervigilence and don't switch it on or off like a lightbulb) and I had to stand asside if I didn't want to do this. But that hasn't been the case at all.

If the STEPPS program brainwashes you into accepting what you've given then that's gonna cause another breakdown in me if I get it.