U
Unagi456
New member
Hello All,
I question if this is PTSD.
I have been through a lot.
history:
Alcoholic parents- never hit me but demeaned a lot.
Ex-Husband abuse- He came back from war different and would attack me. But not the fist to the face. He'd push the air out my chest by pushing me down and with all his weight. He'd also put his full weight on my shoulder I injured in high-school. He'd also lock the door in the car speed and poke me in the face till I'd cry. He threw me in the Tub when I was throwing up from morning sickness. He verbally abused me and financially crippled me. It's been 10 years and I finally finished paying the debt I was left with. I was too afraid to fight so I paid.
My daughter's passing - She lived to be 4 years old. Don't like talking about it but she was sick then fine then sick then fine then sick and she went over her dad's house and never came home. She passed in her sleep.
Sexual abuse - I went on a date and I concented to sex, what I did not concent to was the manner. I was bruised from head to toe bleeding and bite marks. I never said no or stop because it was terrifying. I was also used to being obident with from the ex-husband but he never sexual abused me.
Since then I tend to find the same kinda abusive asshole. So I've stop dating, 3 years now.
I did get into drugs and alcohol for a bit of time, quit that too. I drink responsible and never past a certain point. (once a week, if that)
I have issues sticking with decisions and change my mind often career, hair color, fashion, car, and diet. Horrible memory issues that hit me at random. I feel lost a lot of the time and not worthy positive things. I am also confident in my work ethic and capable I can do any job. I lack confidence is social situations and relationships. It's been 9 years and I have finally decided to make friends, all female. Males scare me if they give me a compliment or want to hang out. The second I step out of my comfort zone, I almost have a mental break down. I keep moving back home too. The voice in my head is my ex-husband and my other ex. I sleep what I would consider normal, like before all this but I do still get out of control nightmares and I have issue knowing where I am when I wake up. I also can deal with paranoia the my ex husband is going to find me and hurt me. I always use my parents address even when I don't live there, I've changed my phone number an insane amount of times.
Is this PTSD or something else? I've sought help for dealing with my daughter passing but I never connected well with the therapist. So 3 sessions only.
Any suggestions would be much appreciated, I am sick of fear and doubt.
I question if this is PTSD.
I have been through a lot.
history:
Alcoholic parents- never hit me but demeaned a lot.
Ex-Husband abuse- He came back from war different and would attack me. But not the fist to the face. He'd push the air out my chest by pushing me down and with all his weight. He'd also put his full weight on my shoulder I injured in high-school. He'd also lock the door in the car speed and poke me in the face till I'd cry. He threw me in the Tub when I was throwing up from morning sickness. He verbally abused me and financially crippled me. It's been 10 years and I finally finished paying the debt I was left with. I was too afraid to fight so I paid.
My daughter's passing - She lived to be 4 years old. Don't like talking about it but she was sick then fine then sick then fine then sick and she went over her dad's house and never came home. She passed in her sleep.
Sexual abuse - I went on a date and I concented to sex, what I did not concent to was the manner. I was bruised from head to toe bleeding and bite marks. I never said no or stop because it was terrifying. I was also used to being obident with from the ex-husband but he never sexual abused me.
Since then I tend to find the same kinda abusive asshole. So I've stop dating, 3 years now.
I did get into drugs and alcohol for a bit of time, quit that too. I drink responsible and never past a certain point. (once a week, if that)
I have issues sticking with decisions and change my mind often career, hair color, fashion, car, and diet. Horrible memory issues that hit me at random. I feel lost a lot of the time and not worthy positive things. I am also confident in my work ethic and capable I can do any job. I lack confidence is social situations and relationships. It's been 9 years and I have finally decided to make friends, all female. Males scare me if they give me a compliment or want to hang out. The second I step out of my comfort zone, I almost have a mental break down. I keep moving back home too. The voice in my head is my ex-husband and my other ex. I sleep what I would consider normal, like before all this but I do still get out of control nightmares and I have issue knowing where I am when I wake up. I also can deal with paranoia the my ex husband is going to find me and hurt me. I always use my parents address even when I don't live there, I've changed my phone number an insane amount of times.
Is this PTSD or something else? I've sought help for dealing with my daughter passing but I never connected well with the therapist. So 3 sessions only.
Any suggestions would be much appreciated, I am sick of fear and doubt.
