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Is This PTSD or Depression? Please Help.

O

Optimism.

New member
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
3
If i can explain this in a way anyone can understand, it'll be a miracle.
My mum died three months ago so i had to move to live with my Auntie, Uncle and Cousin on the opposite side of the country, leave my amazing friends, change schools halfway through my GCSEs, all of it. At the time, none of it seemed very daunting. My mum had been an alcoholic all my life so i was used to some pretty crap times. I cried, got over it, moved, caught up with the work, settled into school and found a great friend in my cousin who I've always got on with.
Then a few weeks ago i was struck with this horrible realisation of death, and it messed me up for a good while. I was five when I first realised i was going to die but it hasn't really struck me since, up 'til then. I felt sick every time i thought about it and i couldn't get over it. I've always thought too much but that put my entire life in an awful perspective and i couldn't bring myself to just think about the present and enjoy life, which is sad because I've always lived by the motto "Live for now".
Although I've stopped thinking about death so much now, I've pretty much stopped thinking about everything else too. It's hard to explain. I live my life, i react how i would normally and i think about everything and i know what's going on, nothing has physically changed. However it's like, when i think about it, it's almost as if I'm not really there, as though it's not happening to me. To put it weirdly, it's as if I'm a consciousness that's just observing a lifetime happening. It could be that subconsciously I'm in denial that all this crap's happened, but I really do want to get back to how i was - completely content with my life and who i am, and enjoying every minute of it. I have a lot to live for and i feel I'm wasting my life by ... not being in it.
If you have any ideas to help me get over this, I'd appreciate them. Just to let you know, I've already talked this over with someone (who, incidentally, suggested i put it on here) and I'm not going to a GP, as it is my mind and they won't be able to do anything different apart from give me pills which i won't take. Anyway, if you could be bothered reading all this, thanks. :) .
 
unlucky

unlucky

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Mar 21, 2009
Messages
2,858
Location
Glasgow
My mum died last month so I kind of know how you feel, though its obviously much worse for you because you've had to change your whole life. I feel so sorry for you because its bad enough losing your mum without all that you're going through on top of it. I'd say give yourself time, people keep telling me that time is a great healer and 3 months is no time at all. You probably are in denial in some way, I know that I still think my mum is going to be there on the end of the phone if I need anything and I'm 33, you're obviously much younger than this. My GP and psychiatrist have told me to go to CRUSE, the bereavement counselling people but I keep putting it off. Maybe this would help you. I think I'll get round to it eventually. Its only natural that you are going to be devastated by this. Do you get on well with the relatives you stay with now. If you do try speaking to them about your feelings as much as you can because it doesn't help if you bottle everything up. I hope things get easier for you xx
 
O

Optimism.

New member
Joined
Jun 18, 2010
Messages
3
Hey thanks for the reply. I'm sorry to hear about your mum. And thanks for the advice; I'm really hoping time with do the healing it's so famous for :) . If things get no better i might try this CRUSE thing, although i do talk to my cousin a lot about this, and he's great. If you think you need it, i reckon you should try the counselling - procrastination isn't the key at times like these :) xx
 
Boris

Boris

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 20, 2010
Messages
1,325
Location
UK
Hi there, it sounds like you`ve been through a number of turbulent times recently, anyone of them could cause your average person anxiety etc. I spent a time worrying about death in my teenage years I think it`s just part and parcel of growing up. There are numerous pressures we experience as we grow up death is unfortunately just one of them, (I think in this day and age things are much harder for the young). My advice is concentrate on the future and just use your time best as you can and enjoy it, not because you`re about to drop dead, but because time soon passes and you can`t turn back the clock. As for your tragic loss, you are certainly entitled to counselling if you are having a hard time of grieving. I know from experience that talking and remembering your mother with people who knew and understood her will be a huge help. Remember the good times and the remarkable things she did for you and her family, and the good things you did for her and your family in turn. Through you her memory will live on :)
 
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