Is this obsession a symptom of my depression?

[lizzie g]

Hi there,

I'm new to this so please be kind

I've been single for 14 months now & currently going through a low point with my depression, have been for a few weeks (stupidly I stopped taking my meds, but back on them as from today)

The reason I'm writing this is because I've developed this really unhealthy obsession with a guy that comes into the club i work at. We met up a few times but it's obvious that he doesn't see me as anything more then a friend & I really don't want to force things like I have done in the past (Yes this sort of behavior has happened many times before)

I can't stop thinking about him, spend hours looking through his profile on facebook (& his unused myspace profile!!!). Everytime I see him I become happy & excited. I dream of us being together but it's not going to happen.
He never returns my texts or messages, & to be honest when I do see him he never really pays much attention to me anyway. He drinks too much & is unrealiable but I can't stop thinking about him. It's really getting me down & not helping my depression at all.

It's driving me to dispair. The other week he didn't turn up on a night out & I got so down about it I ended up cutting myself for the first time in months.

Why am I letting him get to me like this. It's unhealthy & needs to stop but I really really can't!!!

It's made me think that maybe this obsessive behaviour is some sort of symptom of my illness. Any thoughts? Has anyone else experienced this?

 

[KP1]

Welcome to the forum Lizzie.
Don't know what to answer on the relationship issue I'm afraid.
Kp

 

[shelly33]

Hi Lizzie,

I've been in the same position, right up to cutting myself when a guy I was obsessed with didn't show up to meet our mutual friend (coz I missed my chance to see him, and I worried that he stood my friend up because he was avoiding me) so I know how painful this kind of obsession can be.

I don't know whether this is a symptom of your depression, because I'm not qualified to say. But I do know that, in me, it turned out to be one of many manifestations of another mental health issue which I have. The best advice I can give you is to talk to your doctor about this, as s/he may be able to answer your question. Talking this problem over with a counsellor may also help you.

You're not alone, Lizzie. Take good care,

Shelly33 xxxxx

 

[shelly33]

Hi again, Lizzie,

I forgot to put something in my last reply which may offer you some hope. When I told the professionals who were supporting me about the problems I had with similar obsessions, it helped me to gain an insight and understanding into why I had them. As a result, I am better able to control those tendencies in myself nowadays.

All the best,
Shelly33 xxxx

 

[ms_P]

Hi Lizzie,
Unrequited love can take on obsessional proportions. From my own experiences I know that because he wasn't interested, he became that much more appealing to me. I had to know why he didn't like me.
In the end he turned out to be a jerk who I was better off without.
Please be careful with the self harming.
xxx

 

[Jolene]

Hi Lizzy

I have had the same sort of problems. With blokes who haven't returned my texts, I met a bloke for severel months. He just blanked me in the end, I went in despair about one of them and he buggered off back to his ex, I was in despair. I started drinking alot even one time I tried to take a overdose when he didn't reply.

I was seeing him we bonded, it was like he was interested, then at this party he got a text from his ex then he was making it look like he didn't even know me till I went in despair I was shouting at peeeple at a party.
This is a different situation no one would even believe me They didn't even believe I was seeing him, after that I started hearing voices. I got realy ill
I went to the doctors, the gp said it was depression then I went to a psychiatrst a year after that and know they have diognosed me with psychosis.
I'm still not fully recovered after my first psychotic episode
I would deffinetly ge in contact with mental health.

Thankyou for reading

Hope this helps

 

[lizzie g]

Thanks guys!
Your words have helped a lot. Going to see my doctor & talk things over with him.
It's fantastic to talk to people who understand what I'm going through. It's definately made me feel a bit better about the situation.
xx

 

[trombone_babe]

Hi, I have a similar problem in that for years I have always had a major crush on one man or another, even though Im happily married with grown up sons. I have suffered with depression on & off for 15 years, have been on ADs this time for about 8 1/2 years. With me, I start out as friends with the guy and start talking about my depression. I very quickly getting totally obsessed with him and I end up telling him about it, which often ends in tears as you can imagine. There is a sexual attraction but I don't really want to sleep with them. I want closeness and want them to hold me. I was very lucky last time in that he was also a depressive and understood, he was very good with me but unfortunately he died recently. This time its a lad of 24 (Im 47) who is really trying to help me. Ive told him how I feel and it was rocky for a bit, its OK now but I really dont want to spoil the friendship. I really worry about this tendency, but Im glad to hear Im not alone.

 

[dib4uk]

Hi there,

I'm new to this so please be kind

I've been single for 14 months now & currently going through a low point with my depression, have been for a few weeks (stupidly I stopped taking my meds, but back on them as from today)

The reason I'm writing this is because I've developed this really unhealthy obsession with a guy that comes into the club i work at. We met up a few times but it's obvious that he doesn't see me as anything more then a friend & I really don't want to force things like I have done in the past (Yes this sort of behavior has happened many times before)

I can't stop thinking about him, spend hours looking through his profile on facebook (& his unused myspace profile!!!). Everytime I see him I become happy & excited. I dream of us being together but it's not going to happen.
He never returns my texts or messages, & to be honest when I do see him he never really pays much attention to me anyway. He drinks too much & is unrealiable but I can't stop thinking about him. It's really getting me down & not helping my depression at all.

It's driving me to dispair. The other week he didn't turn up on a night out & I got so down about it I ended up cutting myself for the first time in months.

Why am I letting him get to me like this. It's unhealthy & needs to stop but I really really can't!!!

It's made me think that maybe this obsessive behaviour is some sort of symptom of my illness. Any thoughts? Has anyone else experienced this?

Hon, I dont know you and your paticular situation, but it sounds to me that maybe your clinning onto hope in the wrong direction? Trust me i've done that all before, because I thought that he liked me regardless...

But, putting men and relationships aside- maybe its wise to concentrate on your own needs. Self harming is an important issue and you need to talk to your GP or counsellor or other recognised mental health worker.

A question if i may? Do you often find yourself going for the wrong sort of people, but you think that they really do like you??? Because if you always have this type of relationship issues or you cant tell if their being honest or not etc? then i suggest to speak to someone about this as well.

Or it could just be your way of coping with issues that you cant control, and then you displace your anxiety etc onto this male friend???