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Is this NORMAL?

E

EvaM

New member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 30, 2007
Messages
2
HI there. The dad of my baby has been ill of Schizophrenia for 6
years or so, and has been 8 times in hospital. He takes ABILIFY 25mg
and Prozac. He only heard voices or see visions when he stops his
meds and has a relapse, but even taking meds, his behaviour is not
normal, or at least I dont think so. I wrote a letter to his dad,
sister and social worker explaining how he behaves and they all see
that He is ok. I know his dad does not accept his diagnosis, his
sister is not close to him at all and I cant understand how his
social worker told him -your girlfriend wants to convince me you are
ill but I reckong you are doing really well-. Here it is what happens
and all I have been thru for the passed 3 and half years:

- Is loving and kind towards me but one day and suddenly tells me he
does not love me and push me away. In a few days he apologizes and is
loving and kind again

- In the same conversation he says -I dont love you and I dont want
to be with you- and then in a few minutes -Life has not meaning
without you-

- A few days ago he gave me some money for the baby and said it was
ok for me going with him to take a walk in town. I was quiet, just
talking about normal things, when he suddenly said -I want you to
leave, dont come with me- I could not believe how he changed his mood
in a second. He started to shout at me in the middle of High St, -
Bitch, leave me alone, I am not your friend anymore, I dont love you
and I never did,,,!!!!!!!!-

- Buys something (sometimes very expensive things) and he says -I
love it, it is really good,,,,- and in a few days or weeks when I ask
him where the thing he bought is, he says -Oh, it was a shit, I gave
it to my mate or to a Charity shop-.

- Starts a new course, IT, Yoga.... and he says it is really good and
then soon he leave it and says it was not that good

- Receives benefits every 2 weeks and a week or so before he gets
benefits again, he has spent all and has not any money left for food.

- When at his place I say something that bothers him or he does not
like it, he asks me to leave, and If I dont leave straigh away
because I prefer to talk about things, he calls the police to get me
out of there.

- Today he says something against his father, or his friends,,,and
tomorrow he says his dad and friends are great.

- Buys someting really expensive and re-sell it in a few days for
little money

- Once he bought some books in a charity shop just to sell them to a
seconhand book-shop, as it was closed, he took the books to another
charity shop as a donation.

- His closest friends are also ill and on benefits. He is scared of
meeting new people because he reckons they will judge him as he is
not working. He gives money to his friends and then he is with a few
pennies in his pocket, not even enought to buy some bread.

- He said that my mum judged him and looked at him in a dirty way,
says my friends dont like him...nothing of this is true.

- Is afraid of going to far away places, even going to London is an
adventure for him (we live in Essex).

- Changes his hobbies and interests quite often. NO long time ago he
threw his bible away because he did not believe in God, and now he
says he believes in God.

- Changes the decoration of his flat very often, buys new things, get
rid of them a few weeks later.....

Well, what do you reckon? Do you think he is doing really well??? Why
no-one listens to me??? What do I need to do to be listened?
specially when we have a 7 months old son who sees his daddy really
lovely towards me one day and pushing me away the next,.

What do you reckon of his social worker, does he sounds
proffesional?? He threw the info and letter I gave him, away.....

Thanks for reading x:grouphug:
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Hi EvaM

I don't know a lot about schizophrenia but I don't think your partner sounds well. He sounds quite changeable and not quite stable. It's difficult to help someone with a mental health problem and unfortunately those who are supposed to help and care for all those involved in that person's life aren't always up to the job. Try and get some support for yourself otherwise you're going to be absolutely worn out. Keep looking ahead and keep posting here.
 
S

sasone2one

Member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 23, 2007
Messages
11
Location
devon
Your experience with the professionals involved is not an uncommon one and something many carers/family members experience. Most complain of not being listened to and excluded, until a crisis emerges then they are often the first port of call.

It can be a very hard living with someone who has a mental illness as their symptoms and actions can also impact upon the lives of those closest to them. I believe what you are saying and I can also see how this is affecting you, getting changing messages and moods can be very confusing not only for yourself but your partner also.

Stress is the biggest factor in triggering the symptoms, what many forget is that stress also affects the person supporting their relative or friend. It isn't a one way thing, we all react to stress in one way or another. Both parties reacting to the stress they are under can create a vicious circle as you both end up bouncing off each other.

You could try not reacting to the negative comments, that would naturally upset anyone (try blanking these comments out by not giving a reply). And only respond to the loving comments, by responding in the same way back. This can be very hard to do when you are receiving hurtful comments one minute then the complete opposite a few seconds later, but with practice and being aware it can be done.

The mood swings your partner displays could be part of his illness, but it could also be part of the affects of the medication. Something you could not be sure of unless he was well and you knew him as he was before the illness set in.

The person he is, is who he was before the illness set in, and as hard as it may seem to believe, this person is still in there masked by the symptoms. With a lot of patience and perseverance you can reach the person he really is, this will take a lot of work on your part. There is a lot of onus placed upon the people who support the person, but what you must not forget is that YOU MATTER TOO!

Try putting time aside for yourself and your own needs.







HI there. The dad of my baby has been ill of Schizophrenia for 6
years or so, and has been 8 times in hospital. He takes ABILIFY 25mg
and Prozac. He only heard voices or see visions when he stops his
meds and has a relapse, but even taking meds, his behaviour is not
normal, or at least I dont think so. I wrote a letter to his dad,
sister and social worker explaining how he behaves and they all see
that He is ok. I know his dad does not accept his diagnosis, his
sister is not close to him at all and I cant understand how his
social worker told him -your girlfriend wants to convince me you are
ill but I reckong you are doing really well-. Here it is what happens
and all I have been thru for the passed 3 and half years:

- Is loving and kind towards me but one day and suddenly tells me he
does not love me and push me away. In a few days he apologizes and is
loving and kind again

- In the same conversation he says -I dont love you and I dont want
to be with you- and then in a few minutes -Life has not meaning
without you-

- A few days ago he gave me some money for the baby and said it was
ok for me going with him to take a walk in town. I was quiet, just
talking about normal things, when he suddenly said -I want you to
leave, dont come with me- I could not believe how he changed his mood
in a second. He started to shout at me in the middle of High St, -
Bitch, leave me alone, I am not your friend anymore, I dont love you
and I never did,,,!!!!!!!!-

- Buys something (sometimes very expensive things) and he says -I
love it, it is really good,,,,- and in a few days or weeks when I ask
him where the thing he bought is, he says -Oh, it was a shit, I gave
it to my mate or to a Charity shop-.

- Starts a new course, IT, Yoga.... and he says it is really good and
then soon he leave it and says it was not that good

- Receives benefits every 2 weeks and a week or so before he gets
benefits again, he has spent all and has not any money left for food.

- When at his place I say something that bothers him or he does not
like it, he asks me to leave, and If I dont leave straigh away
because I prefer to talk about things, he calls the police to get me
out of there.

- Today he says something against his father, or his friends,,,and
tomorrow he says his dad and friends are great.

- Buys someting really expensive and re-sell it in a few days for
little money

- Once he bought some books in a charity shop just to sell them to a
seconhand book-shop, as it was closed, he took the books to another
charity shop as a donation.

- His closest friends are also ill and on benefits. He is scared of
meeting new people because he reckons they will judge him as he is
not working. He gives money to his friends and then he is with a few
pennies in his pocket, not even enought to buy some bread.

- He said that my mum judged him and looked at him in a dirty way,
says my friends dont like him...nothing of this is true.

- Is afraid of going to far away places, even going to London is an
adventure for him (we live in Essex).

- Changes his hobbies and interests quite often. NO long time ago he
threw his bible away because he did not believe in God, and now he
says he believes in God.

- Changes the decoration of his flat very often, buys new things, get
rid of them a few weeks later.....

Well, what do you reckon? Do you think he is doing really well??? Why
no-one listens to me??? What do I need to do to be listened?
specially when we have a 7 months old son who sees his daddy really
lovely towards me one day and pushing me away the next,.

What do you reckon of his social worker, does he sounds
proffesional?? He threw the info and letter I gave him, away.....

Thanks for reading x:grouphug:
 
Isobel

Isobel

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2007
Messages
114
Location
south London
Hello Eva,
This is a horrible situation. I am no expert in schizophrenia but it sounds to me as if he has a disintegrating (or disintigrated) personality problem which can bepart of this illness. That could be why he is veering around all over the place. Having been in hospital, especially so often he should have a psychiatrist to see him regularly and review his meds etc. Is he still taking them do you know? Do you know who the psych. is and can you get in touch with he/she directly without going through the social worker?
Good luck,
Isobel
 
mischief

mischief

Well-known member
Admin
Joined
Dec 9, 2007
Messages
13,146
Location
The World
Welcome Isobel :welcome:, sasone2one :welcome:, EvaM :welcome:

A big thanks EvaM for sharing your experiences. I hope you find some support from the forum. Thanks also to dollit, Isobel and sasone2one for sharing your knowledge and experience. We are really hoping this forum will be a place where carers can find support.
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2007
Messages
1,149
Location
W2
Just a quick post. These problems could be chemical as in schizophrenia proper as outlined by other members, but they could also be compounded by psycholological baggage. It's not rocket science but the hot/cold thing is in my experience (and I've been known to be just this way, mood change, anger etc) demonstrative of the whole rejection (i.e. fear of) thing. If his family life has been unstable at any point it could be a defence mechanism kicking in, they can be most dysfunctional when you're trying to hold down a relationship.
 
midnight

midnight

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 24, 2007
Messages
219
Location
cumbria
I agree with the others and you, things are not 'normal' and the symptoms you describe I can relate to well. I have mixed with loads of different type of people in hospital and the way you describe things are similar to the way some of them behave.

The only justification of his dad's and social workers responses that I can give is that he might be doing well compared to how he may have been while he was in hospital. Even though on a day to day basis, for you, it must be a nightmare to get along with.

It must be a worry for you but rest assurred, given what you say, your perspective of the situation is clear even if others are perhaps not prepared to openly agree with you.
 
E

EvaM

New member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 30, 2007
Messages
2
Thanks

Thanks for your reply, I forgot to mention he is depressed most of the times and his life goes in circles,,he would like to do things but never achieve them and it fustrates him too.... I think he is not getting the help he needs, he only takes meds and thats all, maybe he could benefit from some kind of therapy or counselling,,,I am trying to get as many replies as possible to show the professionals that my boyfriend is not really that well as others say and that he needs something else apart from meds, so please,,keep giving your opinion here,,, it will be better if I show a lot of people who agree with me that he is not getting enough help as he should,,,and both him and myself are suffering,,, (I would be ahhpy if he makes my life miserable but he is the happier person on earth, I just have to leave him and thats all,,,but he is not happy either on his daily life,,,with me or without me,,,,once I left him because he told me he did not love me, and he had a relapse and ended in hospital.....)
 
D

Dollit

Guest
What I've found is, except on really rare occasions, that when I go to the hospital to see the doctor I can usually summon up the energy to talk well. If I'm feeling better than usual that day then it's not so easy to remember how hard it can be and it becomes difficult to talk about negative aspects of mental health. The doctor isn't seeing your partner when he's at home or with you and with his guard totally down and therefore at his worst. We all put on a bit of a show in front of other people, that's human nature. Do you go to the doctor with your partner? My psych likes it when I take someone who is close to me because he can talk to them and see me through their eyes. You're a very special person for doing this for your partner.
 
J

justlikeawoman

Guest
Introduce Yourself

HI there. The dad of my baby has been ill of Schizophrenia for 6
years or so, and has been 8 times in hospital. He takes ABILIFY 25mg
and Prozac. He only heard voices or see visions when he stops his
meds and has a relapse, but even taking meds, his behaviour is not
normal, or at least I dont think so. I wrote a letter to his dad,
sister and social worker explaining how he behaves and they all see
that He is ok. I know his dad does not accept his diagnosis, his
sister is not close to him at all and I cant understand how his
social worker told him -your girlfriend wants to convince me you are
ill but I reckong you are doing really well-. Here it is what happens
and all I have been thru for the passed 3 and half years:

- Is loving and kind towards me but one day and suddenly tells me he
does not love me and push me away. In a few days he apologizes and is
loving and kind again

- In the same conversation he says -I dont love you and I dont want
to be with you- and then in a few minutes -Life has not meaning
without you-

- A few days ago he gave me some money for the baby and said it was
ok for me going with him to take a walk in town. I was quiet, just
talking about normal things, when he suddenly said -I want you to
leave, dont come with me- I could not believe how he changed his mood
in a second. He started to shout at me in the middle of High St, -
Bitch, leave me alone, I am not your friend anymore, I dont love you
and I never did,,,!!!!!!!!-

- Buys something (sometimes very expensive things) and he says -I
love it, it is really good,,,,- and in a few days or weeks when I ask
him where the thing he bought is, he says -Oh, it was a shit, I gave
it to my mate or to a Charity shop-.

- Starts a new course, IT, Yoga.... and he says it is really good and
then soon he leave it and says it was not that good

- Receives benefits every 2 weeks and a week or so before he gets
benefits again, he has spent all and has not any money left for food.

- When at his place I say something that bothers him or he does not
like it, he asks me to leave, and If I dont leave straigh away
because I prefer to talk about things, he calls the police to get me
out of there.

- Today he says something against his father, or his friends,,,and
tomorrow he says his dad and friends are great.

- Buys someting really expensive and re-sell it in a few days for
little money

- Once he bought some books in a charity shop just to sell them to a
seconhand book-shop, as it was closed, he took the books to another
charity shop as a donation.

- His closest friends are also ill and on benefits. He is scared of
meeting new people because he reckons they will judge him as he is
not working. He gives money to his friends and then he is with a few
pennies in his pocket, not even enought to buy some bread.

- He said that my mum judged him and looked at him in a dirty way,
says my friends dont like him...nothing of this is true.

- Is afraid of going to far away places, even going to London is an
adventure for him (we live in Essex).

- Changes his hobbies and interests quite often. NO long time ago he
threw his bible away because he did not believe in God, and now he
says he believes in God.

- Changes the decoration of his flat very often, buys new things, get
rid of them a few weeks later.....

Well, what do you reckon? Do you think he is doing really well??? Why
no-one listens to me??? What do I need to do to be listened?
specially when we have a 7 months old son who sees his daddy really
lovely towards me one day and pushing me away the next,.

What do you reckon of his social worker, does he sounds
proffesional?? He threw the info and letter I gave him, away.....

Thanks for reading x:grouphug:

ok - i am sorry to hear that you are treated in this way by your boyfriend or your baby' father.
you asked about the social worker being professional. well i dont think the way the social worker has acted is correct.
you are the one in constant contact with your boyfriend and you are the one who can speak out about what is happening.
i think your boyfriend is very unstable - he is obviously not able to make decisions and follow them through. so this must be very upsetting and confusing for you.
i am not sure what you can do about it - but you must make sure that you stay well and dont let his illness get you down.
hope you do get help and i hope somebody on here can give you some advice:hug::flowers:
god bless
alice
 
ralph1

ralph1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2008
Messages
109
Location
plymouth,Devon
HI there. The dad of my baby has been ill of Schizophrenia for 6
years or so, and has been 8 times in hospital. He takes ABILIFY 25mg
and Prozac. He only heard voices or see visions when he stops his
meds and has a relapse, but even taking meds, his behaviour is not
normal, or at least I dont think so. I wrote a letter to his dad,
sister and social worker explaining how he behaves and they all see
that He is ok. I know his dad does not accept his diagnosis, his
sister is not close to him at all and I cant understand how his
social worker told him -your girlfriend wants to convince me you are
ill but I reckong you are doing really well-. Here it is what happens
and all I have been thru for the passed 3 and half years:

- Is loving and kind towards me but one day and suddenly tells me he
does not love me and push me away. In a few days he apologizes and is
loving and kind again

- In the same conversation he says -I dont love you and I dont want
to be with you- and then in a few minutes -Life has not meaning
without you-

- A few days ago he gave me some money for the baby and said it was
ok for me going with him to take a walk in town. I was quiet, just
talking about normal things, when he suddenly said -I want you to
leave, dont come with me- I could not believe how he changed his mood
in a second. He started to shout at me in the middle of High St, -
Bitch, leave me alone, I am not your friend anymore, I dont love you
and I never did,,,!!!!!!!!-

- Buys something (sometimes very expensive things) and he says -I
love it, it is really good,,,,- and in a few days or weeks when I ask
him where the thing he bought is, he says -Oh, it was a shit, I gave
it to my mate or to a Charity shop-.

- Starts a new course, IT, Yoga.... and he says it is really good and
then soon he leave it and says it was not that good

- Receives benefits every 2 weeks and a week or so before he gets
benefits again, he has spent all and has not any money left for food.

- When at his place I say something that bothers him or he does not
like it, he asks me to leave, and If I dont leave straigh away
because I prefer to talk about things, he calls the police to get me
out of there.

- Today he says something against his father, or his friends,,,and
tomorrow he says his dad and friends are great.

- Buys someting really expensive and re-sell it in a few days for
little money

- Once he bought some books in a charity shop just to sell them to a
seconhand book-shop, as it was closed, he took the books to another
charity shop as a donation.

- His closest friends are also ill and on benefits. He is scared of
meeting new people because he reckons they will judge him as he is
not working. He gives money to his friends and then he is with a few
pennies in his pocket, not even enought to buy some bread.

- He said that my mum judged him and looked at him in a dirty way,
says my friends dont like him...nothing of this is true.

- Is afraid of going to far away places, even going to London is an
adventure for him (we live in Essex).

- Changes his hobbies and interests quite often. NO long time ago he
threw his bible away because he did not believe in God, and now he
says he believes in God.

- Changes the decoration of his flat very often, buys new things, get
rid of them a few weeks later.....

Well, what do you reckon? Do you think he is doing really well??? Why
no-one listens to me??? What do I need to do to be listened?
specially when we have a 7 months old son who sees his daddy really
lovely towards me one day and pushing me away the next,.

What do you reckon of his social worker, does he sounds
proffesional?? He threw the info and letter I gave him, away.....

Thanks for reading x:grouphug:
I look at this and I shudder. I am only a service user, not a medic, but this does not sound as though he has a correct diagnosis. I would suspect paranoia or personality disorder of some sort. Like you, I would be tearing my hair out(if I had any). All I can think of at the moment , is there anyway he can be persuded to let you go with him the next time he sees his consultant. That way, you MAY get a chance to put your points to the person who makes the decisions, but they may invoke 'Patient confidentiality' and gag you.

There is one more hard thing you could do. Decide if you could live your life with him in this state? I know , it's horrible, but you do have to protect yourself. Frankly I feel a B*****D for saying it, but in truth I think it has to be said :redface: :mad: :hug:
 
J

justlikeawoman

Guest
Your experience with the professionals involved is not an uncommon one and something many carers/family members experience. Most complain of not being listened to and excluded, until a crisis emerges then they are often the first port of call.

It can be a very hard living with someone who has a mental illness as their symptoms and actions can also impact upon the lives of those closest to them. I believe what you are saying and I can also see how this is affecting you, getting changing messages and moods can be very confusing not only for yourself but your partner also.

Stress is the biggest factor in triggering the symptoms, what many forget is that stress also affects the person supporting their relative or friend. It isn't a one way thing, we all react to stress in one way or another. Both parties reacting to the stress they are under can create a vicious circle as you both end up bouncing off each other.

You could try not reacting to the negative comments, that would naturally upset anyone (try blanking these comments out by not giving a reply). And only respond to the loving comments, by responding in the same way back. This can be very hard to do when you are receiving hurtful comments one minute then the complete opposite a few seconds later, but with practice and being aware it can be done.

The mood swings your partner displays could be part of his illness, but it could also be part of the affects of the medication. Something you could not be sure of unless he was well and you knew him as he was before the illness set in.

The person he is, is who he was before the illness set in, and as hard as it may seem to believe, this person is still in there masked by the symptoms. With a lot of patience and perseverance you can reach the person he really is, this will take a lot of work on your part. There is a lot of onus placed upon the people who support the person, but what you must not forget is that YOU MATTER TOO!

Try putting time aside for yourself and your own needs.
as someone who has lived with somebody having mood swings, whether these were as a result of hatred for me or whether it was some underlying mental health disorder it think this young lady needs to get herself out of this relationship. she can have contact with the man for the sake of her baby, however, if she lives with this continuing swinging of moods, for whatever reason, she could well end up with a mental health disorder herself.
i know, i have lived like this and i now live with the consequences.
this lady needs to protect herself and her child - she needs to protect her heart. sometimes nice words are just not enough to keep a relationship alive. she has my deepest sympathy and while she is young enough i would say "get out, distance yourself and dont be afraid to stand up for YOU and your baby".
you deserve better.
alice:hug::flowers:
 
W

Windblows

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 20, 2007
Messages
141
I agree that this relationship is damaging to you the mother and your baby. Even with support it would be hard but this situation is imposible.
The father needs some sort of help that is being left on your shoulders and those might crumple - it just is not fair.

Trying to be strong for him will not make him better.

You both need help now but you have to think first of you and the baby. His moods indicate something is seriously wrong and once you separate the truth will be more apparent. However he is your babies father and you have feelings for him so it is not easy to move him out or leave yourself. Do not feel guilty. Remember men are meant to be supportive of their partners and children. There is help for you to get yourself into a better situation.

Even though you may never have been physically abused by him you have been emotionallly slaughtered. Womens Aid would surely be glad to offer its services to you. You need real support to get you through this time. The situation need not be the end of the relationship but you need to have space and stability for it to survive at all.:flowers:
 
M

maudikie

Guest
To windblows.

I agree with Wndblows. You need professional help. Have you been to your G.P. about your problems? Has a Health Visitor still got contact? You must think of yourself. and of your baby. Have you any relatives who would perhaps look aftet your baby for a short period? Perhaps if you had more time with your husbnad you could get through to him that he needs help.
 
Last edited:
justme

justme

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
48
Location
UK
i agree i am classed as a scizoprenic and wheni am in myself i am very in myself im like a frozen picture there just by breathing
i have no reconiction of when or how i eat if i do eat all i know is when i come back from my twightlight zone i have a bed full of sweet wrappers and im seriously not a pretty site
as for mood swings ihave them when i am out hence i stay in i get very paranoid and start accusing people of following me etc not healthy and has been dangerous ie gettin into fights
i also fight the voices and see dark images of which i am learning best i can to control
i wish you luck
 
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