Is this normal?

[blahblah]

Okay, so... here's the deal. I am finally coming clean with these thoughts I have.

OVer the past few weeks, I have been having suicidal/homicidal thoughts. HOWEVER, I have never had the urge to commit these acts... but they do occur but not always on a daily basis. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.. but when they do, I have a rapid heart beat and it's quite vigorous. I remember two days ago I was having these thoughts when I was on the operating table and I could hear the heart monitor sky rocket.

The thoughts include hurting my mother, father, or any other loved one. I would -never- do this (in fact I would hurt myself long before I did wrong to anybody). I don't WANT these thoughts to occur.. they just do. And in order for me to get them to go away I have to occupy myself with something, such as talking with people, playing a game (even when I start to get bored with a game these thoughts occur, etc). Sometimes these thoughts can escalate in grotesqueness and it disturbs me.

I did a bit of research and I found that this is a common symptom for "Pure OCD"... but I am just not sure whether or not I would post it in the OCD section as I wanted a second opinion. It feels good to get this off of my chest....

I am a very loving person to say the least, it's just... these thoughts are hurting my psyche and ability to concentrate. What are your suggestions?

 

[Dollit]

It's good that you realise that just because you have these thoughts that you wouldn't act on them. You've sound as though you've been under a lot of stress lately and that can escalate frightening feelings to a point where they intrude upon you. I certainly get those sorts of feelings and usually when I'm under stress.

You're doing the right thing by distracting yourself at the time but perhaps you could look at the situation you're in at the time it happens or the days before and if it is triggered by stress then you could look at ways of dealing with that.

Have you thought of having a chat with your GP about this? We can really only give you our personal experiences here but you GP would probably have more insight into you as a person.

 

[saffron]

Hello and welcome and thank you for being so open. funny you should say that becuase someone else had similar problems with unwanted thoughts and also a diagnosis of anxiety and depression. I did some research on the subject of OCD and was suprised how diverse the symptoms can be, it not just about washing your hands over and over again. according to researchers OCD episode like yours can lead to panic attacks, hence your raised heart rate ect and you are doing so well to be able to understand and help yourself through these.
I agree with dolllit, have a chat about it with your doctor and ask if anyone specialising in it can is available for you to have a chat about it.
we cannot diagnose but by what you are saying I would have come up with the same probability after researching the matter. Please feel free to say what you feel on here we are good listeners, and maybe try and go onto the OCD section and talk to like minded people.
best of luck and take care
S

 

[ladyblues]

My suggestion would be that you make an appointment to see your doctor and discuss these thoughts and feelings. There are medications called antipsychotic's that can help with these kind of symptoms effectively if they are appropriate in your case.

I use a medication called chlorpromazine for similiar problems but I mainly have thoughts about harming myself

Its a good first step then you were open and honest enough to come here and post about your difficult time

Stay positive

Take care x

 

[jackshepard]

Hi and welcome!
Sorry if I'm repeating my story again, but it's all the experience I have 'til now, so if I can help people with the same issues...
I had these kind of thoughts since 2003 and I've been very depressed for the whole 2008 year. I began to "calm down" by distracting myself. But since early september, these thoughts became louder, and the psychologists I saw weren't useful. The last one I saw told me I'd certainly need medication through alll my life and told me to see a psychiatrist who put me on Temesta and Prozac which have done a great job since I started the treatment. Try to avoid meds as much as you can, but if your thoughts are too strong it can be very useful.
Hang on!

 

[telemetry9]

thoughts

I had these thoughts begin in my mid 20's. They happened along with a major episode of depression and I started therapy. I had thoughts of murder and death and everything dark. It really horrified me and I began to think I was some kind of monster. I was so devastated by these thoughts and obsessions. I had to leave college as I couldn't hold a pen in my hand because I was afraid the other people in my class thought I would use it as a weapon to kill them (I can almost smile about it now).

In therapy I had the enormous relief to discover that I wasn't mad or going insane but they were symptoms of a serious illness. That illness being a severe episode of depression. The thoughts are part of major depression and they are called: intrusive thoughts.

Medication and therapy and trying to go for as long a walk as you can each day will begin to help you. Of course you might have to find the right medication and therapy first but don't give up and please don't think that you are on your own. Keep trying medications until you find the one that works for you. Many good and wonderful people have walked the road you are now walking and you deserve all the help and support you can get.

I still have these thoughts but therapy helped me learn the coping skills to deal with them. I would highly recommend an anxiety management course as this will help with the anxiety and terror that results from these thoughts. You will begin to be in control in time and you will grow as a person again bit by bit.

All the very best to you.
Robert.