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is this manic or one of my other disorders big trouble whatever it is

M

my-straightjacket-please

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im gone take care email if you want its in my prof
ok lets start with what was triggers that led then the problem sorry if thats not how you want it

ok my 18 year old cat i think on the 8th of the month or longer went blind

very stressful ups and downs then it got to bad had to put her down on the 12th

now start of anger and other problems i asked vet many times im disabled very low income but a place in town cremates i want my baby cremated can we make payments (long story how it falls on the vet to charge for what another place does)

anyway he says yes no problem hes been my vet the whole time i had her

i get a call today his front desk wants $50 us dollars to pick her up

wtf wheres my payments the wife wants to for me god i love her but that breaks us and our budget hard for this month

hard to describe something inside just went i just wanted to destroy hospitalize and more

scares me i have adrenaline always on and mma training

but i have caught it i see it i took extra lorazapan and called my counselor

and wont let myself leave the house because i know i can feel first time ever i would hurt someone i have never ever hurt a person

i feel a deep cliff like i fell off i dont have many emotions or understand crying wife always sad it was going to build anger i didnt know this bad

i am scared even if i see it even if im taking steps im scared i have never ever in 40 years gone this far over

is it manic or a combo will it go away i know going to my counselor today im to angry and unsafe to be in public number one and number two i have found in the past when in crises counseling seems to bounce and not set in or diffuse much

wow my vision is blurred some my head wont focus well it focuses but on the wrong idea cant get much else in there

listening to music all day

just not sur whats going on or how long it will last or will it end
 
rasselas.redux

rasselas.redux

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I am very sorry that you are suffering and that you also have a cat with a gammy eye.

I'm kinda laughing there but my heart is with you.

when a boy I took in a gammy wild tomcat. that bastard took some training. he basically wanted to kill anything that moved. I had a chat with him as I would anyone insulted with psychiatric terminology. I said look cat, you are a hard bastard and so on and so forth. but when does the fight end? and do you know what you are fighting for?

there is nothing like routine and structure for a non-domesticated animal.
 
rasselas.redux

rasselas.redux

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just to add I took a number of blind eyes to him.

but not to the existing cats or the rabbit. although the rabbit could see him off. he was a big fucker of a rabbit.

and none of that is metaphorical as such.

frown eye upon ye.
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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Sorry not to have responded sooner straightjacket. That sounds scary to be feeling so much anger, and to not be sure what's going on. I hope things have improved, and it has subsided for you now. Sounds like you were taking sensible steps the best you knew how, listening to music, seeing your counsellor, and just recognising that things were serious and you needed to be careful.

I'm sorry you lost your cat, and then had trouble over payments with the vet. It's a big thing to lose a pet you've had so long. Things can throw us off balance, and trigger other feelings. I hope things are calmer now. Be kind to yourself :hug:
 
rasselas.redux

rasselas.redux

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apologies for my comments. I completely misread. no offence intended. anecdote about tomcat was true story.
 
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