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Is this just my OCD taking a new form?

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LilLibby

New member
Joined
Oct 8, 2017
Messages
3
I have had anxiety 5 years now due to PTSD after i was attacked by my brother. I had a panic attack during a blood test about 2 years ago and that led to me fearing tests as I feared I had developed a phobia of blood or blood tests and I panicked I would faint as I knew you could have with blood phobia. Anyway I got ill shortly after and needed alot of blood tests. I would cry every test and work myself up but I did it anyway. Being ill with an underactive thyoid and cfs it led to isolation and with that agoraphobia and social anxiety hit hard. I'd had them back when I was attacked 5 years ago but I worked on them with therapy and things improved greatly. Being ill just flared it all back up the last 2 years.

I had severe intrusive harm thoughts for 2 years back in 2013. They were awful and I was told I had ocd and had therapy. Which worked wonders. They were linked to harm and was told the trauma I experienced with my brother was the cause of them.

Anyway, background over. Recently I have been weaning off my anti depressant. I have been on it 4 years. I was advised to wean off it slowly as Mirtazapine is hard to come off. I was only ever on 15mg but took it slow doing 0.5mg drops every 2 weeks. I got down to 12mg then 4 days into that dose I was watching Emmerdale and a scene came on with blood and I had a sudden head rush like my head went all heavy, I felt hot in my face, dizzy and I couldn't get the image out of my head. I panicked I was about to faint as my vision felt all funny. I lay on my bed sobbing terrified I had a blood phobia and hubby had to hug me until it was over. Since then I have lived in fear, I dread my period or my daughters. I cope fine with mine now after 3 months lol but I have had times when I have seen my daughters pad or underwear and come off all funny again. I shake, heart races and feel heavy and faint in head.

This has all led to me being terrified I have developed a blood phobia that will cause me to faint. Which has now led to me having a reaction if I even see an ambulance drive past my house or see a needle on tv I suddenly feel funny. It's now spreading from blood to anything medical. I am anxious about doctors, can't open letters from the GP o hospital, can't even think anything of that nature and even typing this makes me feel all woozy in my head. It had just been on seeing the red stuff as I shall call it going on in this post lol.

On Monday I read some celebrities had a baby and childbirth image came into my head, I had a sudden heavy head rush, felt faint and shaking. I took my BP and it was a little low which terrified me more. Later that day I had another one just talking to my daughter who wasn't feeling well and anything medical or red stuff and wham I get the heavy head rush, warm face and feel light headed. Why am I getting thoughts and images of this nature causing these anxiety feelings and fears I'm going to faint? Ever since I have been having intrusive images that cause a sudden severe physical reaction. last time I self harmed etc that type of image in my mind. I then have a rush to my head, i feel light headed, flushed face and it can turn into a type of attack. I get all of those symptoms in head and face, then I shake too and I can't sit still. I had a severe rush to my face and head on Thursday at a thought of this nature and wham I felt faint, I was rolling around on the floor shouting hubby to come fan my face as it felt all flushed and light headed. I was terrified. Now I live in fear I have a blood phobia and this week it's spread from just being if I see the red stuff on tv or in real life to now being anything medical at all on TV, talk or thoughts/images of anything of that nature. It's ricidlious.

Hubby says I am just sensitized since I dropped my dose 2 months ago. I have since increased it slowly as I think I need to stay on them at least for now. I am just so scared it is a blood phobia and I could faint. I spoke to my friend and she said it sounds far more like a fainting phobia which I have had in the past, and I am very overly sentizied as DR Claire Weekes in her books would say and why my brain is latching onto this irrational fear, every thought causes the reaction i get etc... My friend said the blood phobia is needle injury related only, and that my brain is thinking it's any blood or medical related talk causes it, it doesn't. Can anyone else relate or reassure? My anxiety is through the roof due to this and it's making my life a misery.

It has got worse since last week. I was attacked 5 years ago and I saw the man who did it, saw him in person and online and it flared up the PTSD. It was my brother. Also last week was the 5 year date of when it happened so I guess that's why it's got worse in the last week for me but this started out of the blue after dropping my meds. I have never had this kind of anxiety before. I have general anxiety disorder and sometimes health anxiety since I have been physically unwell the last 2 years but never sensitive to talking about ladies issues, medical things, etc... I feel my brain needs reassurance that I can't faint because of this and it's all anxiety but I have no idea how lol!


I had an anxiety rush last night when my sons friends mum came to chat to me in the car when we picked our son up. The rush went to my head and I felt all dizzy, hot face and my legs flooded with adrenaline. Afterwards it worried me as that felt very different to the rushes and attacks I get if I get images of blood or cuts in my head or if I see it. That doesn't flood my legs at all, I just have a rush to my head, face goes warm, head feels all light and vision all faded and I panic I will pass out. My heart does race and I do shake but it's mostly all physically felt in my head. So it worried me more that because they're different types of attack, that they can't be anxiety and are more I'm about to faint and maybe I do have an actual blood phobia now. Which has made me more anxious.

Today I'm super sensitive to what comes on tv, my brain keeps thinking of medical things, or images in head that cause a rush. I'm doing my best to control those rushes. It's a nightmare that now I'm so sensitive where as before it was just on seeing blood only but in the last week it's thoughts and intrusive images that cause those intense funny turns.. Does ocd cause those panic attacks? When I had harm ocd a few years ago I had rushes of anxiety but no panic attacks so I'm unsure if to treat this as ocd. I am doing compulsions as I am checking my blood pressure a lot to check it isn't low and the moment I feel a bit funny then I check my BP quickly. I cry daily, I feel overwhelmed and no idea who to ask for reassurance.

I'm avoiding certain tv programmes, avoiding seeing medical things and the red stuff lol. I'm taking my blood pressure often especially during an attack and trying to control my thoughts. Seeking reassurance too but right now I need it as this is scary and raw. I was doing really well until 2 months ago when all of this began, even my health issues had improved and now this curve ball has been thrown at me. I feel I never get a break, something else always flares up. It's been a nightmare for 5 years. I improve and then a new form of anxiety hits me hard. My friend and husband think my OCD has flared again but is this anything like OCD?

If anyone can offer any reassurance it sounds ocd related I'd appreciate it.

Thanks
Lib
 
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nickybow86

nickybow86

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 17, 2017
Messages
111
Location
Ireland
Hi lib ,
I am waiting to be officially diagnosed with pure o ocd. But my therapist reckons I 100% have it. The things yoivare experiencing are what i go through. I have extremely unpleasant intrusive thoughts a lot. I also have developed a fear for things that never bothered me before like giving blood , getting injections or the dentist ! I believe it is just the ocd and Overthinkinf the situation that is the problem. I'm not sure how to over come this so I'm not much help sorry. But just want you to know you are not alone xx
 
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LilLibby

New member
Joined
Oct 8, 2017
Messages
3
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me Nicky. It helps to know I am not alone.

I hope things get easier for you.

Lib
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
Hi Lib :) Welcome to the Forum. :welcome: Yes, your trauma can become PTSD or OCD or any number of things. It can transform and change. I was having nightmares and tactile hallucinations from the trauma I went through. It took a few years to stop. But it did stop.

I am so sorry you are going through all this fear of blood and needles and things on the television. I couldn't watch any movies about mental hospitals or I'd get very upset. It sent me back to the original trauma mindset.

Your brother should suffer so. Are you in touch with your anger ??
 
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LilLibby

New member
Joined
Oct 8, 2017
Messages
3
Hello Poppy,

Thank you for replying. I am hoping it is just the OCD rearing it's head in another way. I am just afraid I have deleloped the true blood phobia that causes fainting. That is my fear as I fear fainting.

When I was attacked in 2012 my brother was arrested as he attacked me in the reception of a police station of all places. My mother and sisters resented me because I refused to let him back in my life so as a result I lost my mother and siblings, niece, nephews etc... I went through alot of trauma and I couldn't understand why as it was him who hurt me, he attacked my husband the year before, he beat his own children, fiancee etc... Yet I was pushed out of my family. I had therapy and overcame alot of things and then I became ill 2 years ago physically.

I am not an angry person really, I rarely feel it. I am an anxious type and I cry if anxious or upset. I am quite spiritual, meditate, do yoga, crystals etc....

I believe karma one day will reach my brother but I don't wish bad to anyone, stupidly even to those who have hurt me.

Thanks again for replying.

Lib
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
Hey Lib, Poopy here. Just a thought : I've always been the type to turn the other cheek when people hurt me. Being spiritual meant that I couldn't get angry. Our yoga group even had the custom of marking down on a sheet of paper how many times a day we got angry. There were thoughts, words and deeds noted. This was done to diminish anger. And indeed, a lot of anger is unnecessary.

But years later I found that my anger was my power. I didn't have to end up anxious and sick if I owned my own anger about a legitimate offense against me. In this case, anger is a legitimate feeling. We aren't healthy when repressing a feeling.

After the anger about the offense, I still had to understand the person and forgive the person. I still question the whole turn the other cheek business. To skip the real feelings and go straight to the rationalization of karma doesn't seem genuine.

Women and spiritual people are told not to ever be angry. When we go to therapy, they teach you to feel ALL your feelings. It doesn't mean you hang out in anger all the time or use anger as a weapon against other people.

But I know I've been made to feel very sick and against my own self because feeling anger is "bad".

My own sister verbally attacks me with anger about once a year. I always rushed to be spiritual and understanding of her. Not this year. This year I felt my anger at being verbally abused and decided NO MORE. I don't wish bad things to happen to her. I just am not going to stupidly engage with her and seek to find connection with her. I don't have to be mentally ill because I'm afraid of my own anger/power.

What I'm really reacting to in this post is the notion that spiritual people can't get angry. I suspect this may be rubbish.
 
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