Is this bad?

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EstherRose94

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I don’t really talk to many people. I’m very quiet at work. I see my friends occasionally but otherwise I don’t keep in touch very well. I wish I could do better and make closer connections but it doesn’t come naturally to me and it stresses me out.

My bf talks to lots of people at work during the day and has their numbers and they can ask him questions and stuff or text him. It makes me uncomfy but I think it’s because I feel like a loser by comparison.

Is it weird that I don’t keep in touch or talk to people that much? It’s just hard for me it makes my head hurt trying to figure out how to reach out or what to say. At the same time I want closer connections. I wish it could just fall into place. I’m pretty nice except when my jealousy kicks in 😬

I love talking to you guys on here though ☺ It’s not just ranting cause I actually do care what you all think/say and I take your advice. It’s really nice.

Anyway acting like a loner makes me feel like a bad Person. I feel like I understand relationships the way a kindergartener would even though I’m in a PhD program. That social/emotional part of my brain is totally still a little kid. Don’t know where it decided to start lagging 😂
 
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EstherRose94

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To clarify, it’s like I feel that everyone should just be best friends like in a kindergarten classroom. And the complexities of adult relationships make me very nervous and panicky so I kinda have a flight response from trying.
 
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Helena1

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There is nothing wrong with not being that social. Everyone has different things they struggle with.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi,
Your not a loser, be what your comfortable with.
 
Flameheart

Flameheart

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I don't find it weird, but some narrow minded extroverts might
 
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EstherRose94

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Aw thanks so much for all the support! 🥰🥰
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

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I don’t really talk to many people. I’m very quiet at work. I see my friends occasionally but otherwise I don’t keep in touch very well. I wish I could do better and make closer connections but it doesn’t come naturally to me and it stresses me out.

My bf talks to lots of people at work during the day and has their numbers and they can ask him questions and stuff or text him. It makes me uncomfy but I think it’s because I feel like a loser by comparison.

Is it weird that I don’t keep in touch or talk to people that much? It’s just hard for me it makes my head hurt trying to figure out how to reach out or what to say. At the same time I want closer connections. I wish it could just fall into place. I’m pretty nice except when my jealousy kicks in 😬

I love talking to you guys on here though ☺ It’s not just ranting cause I actually do care what you all think/say and I take your advice. It’s really nice.

Anyway acting like a loner makes me feel like a bad Person. I feel like I understand relationships the way a kindergartener would even though I’m in a PhD program. That social/emotional part of my brain is totally still a little kid. Don’t know where it decided to start lagging 😂
you may just not be a social person which is fine. If you want to be you can make changes to be more outgoing i personally would force myself to be outgoing. Because in society that is the conventional way to act but it is not me. Or maybe it is i just have social problems i am not sure talk to bf sure he will understand if he is smart like you :hug:
 
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HeatherPaige

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You sound exactly like me, there's honestly only one person outside of my relationship that I talk to on occasion. I've never been able to really establish any friendships with anyone.
 
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EstherRose94

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You sound exactly like me, there's honestly only one person outside of my relationship that I talk to on occasion. I've never been able to really establish any friendships with anyone.
I really want to be closer with people I just get nervous and mess it up! Haha. Plus I assume people find me annoying and keep my distance. I never knew I was like this, I used to think I must have an actual social issue but I think it’s just anxiety around relationships because I think they have to be flawless.
 
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EstherRose94

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you may just not be a social person which is fine. If you want to be you can make changes to be more outgoing i personally would force myself to be outgoing. Because in society that is the conventional way to act but it is not me. Or maybe it is i just have social problems i am not sure talk to bf sure he will understand if he is smart like you :hug:
See sometimes I try but it just feels strange to me to force it. I do genuinely care about people and if I’m feeling chatty I will talk but it isn’t too consistent. I feel like I make a connection then it just fades away. People don’t notice that I care or they’re not bothered to reach out back. Idk. I’m talking about acquaintances I guess. Like some people at work are kinda close and I’m like “hello I’m here too”
 
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EstherRose94

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But my bf thinks it’s because I’m young and my generation is bad at communication. Haha he’s only five years older than me. To me, he’s TOO outgoing and animated with random acquaintances. Part of that is my jealousy talking I know but also I could never be that way to that extreme. It seems unauthentic and almost like tricking people to me.
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

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But my bf thinks it’s because I’m young and my generation is bad at communication. Haha he’s only five years older than me. To me, he’s TOO outgoing and animated with random acquaintances. Part of that is my jealousy talking I know but also I could never be that way to that extreme. It seems unauthentic and almost like tricking people to me.
sometimes i wonder have we just not yet found our sub community i think its best to search out people like yourself which is hard
 
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EstherRose94

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sometimes i wonder have we just not yet found our sub community i think its best to search out people like yourself which is hard
I completely agree. I grew up in a close family and close small community where I still have lots of support but irl in the city where I live i Never found my niche.
 
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HeatherPaige

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I really want to be closer with people I just get nervous and mess it up! Haha. Plus I assume people find me annoying and keep my distance. I never knew I was like this, I used to think I must have an actual social issue but I think it’s just anxiety around relationships because I think they have to be flawless.
I understand that because I think the same way, even with my boyfriend. Luckily he's a very patient guy haha. What helps me when I get flustered during conversations is taking a couple deep breaths, and trying to calm my mind for a second, because I know it's in my head and there's nothing really wrong with me.
 
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EstherRose94

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I understand that because I think the same way, even with my boyfriend. Luckily he's a very patient guy haha. What helps me when I get flustered during conversations is taking a couple deep breaths, and trying to calm my mind for a second, because I know it's in my head and there's nothing really wrong with me.
Good advice 👍🏼
 

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