Is this abuse

M

motherforsale

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Dec 4, 2018
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I’m unfortunately back home with my mum, and it’s just the two of us most of the time. I’m a young adult.

She’s done a lot for me and my career, but fights with everyone. When she goes after me it’s after something tiny and I can’t deal with her anymore. I’d leave but don’t have anywhere to go really.

She does a lot of guilt tripping and says things like:
“You’re angry and you take it out on me, you’re so mean to me, stop picking on me”
“You’re not robust and i have to be here to protect you”
“All I’ve done is love you and I can’t believe how you treat me”
“I wish I was dead most days and I don’t care how that makes you feel”

She is very dramatic and will break something when she’s angry and blame it on me “you made me do that”

She’s super controlling and comments on everything I do - I can’t just pop out for a walk, wear the wrong shoes, even be on social media

She’s constantly trying to engage with me, always having a conversation and is chaotic

What do I do? There is no reasoning with her. She’s estranged from pretty much everyone in the family apart from me and my siblings and her spouse. I can’t talk to her gently about why I am upset. She is sarcastic and aggressive, and never reflects on how she might have upset others. If she realises she has done something wrong, it’s either because I made her behave like that or because I behave like that in the first place.

She can be a wonderful loving person and I feel awful putting this all out here. Can someone help?
 
Flameheart

Flameheart

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this sounds a lot like my mum and it is abusive, there's not really anything you can do apart from save enough to move out or live with a friend

trust me I've also explored every other option there is, it's unlikely she will ever change as she may not even be aware of her behaviour and if she does she will most probably deny it then put the blame back on you

so yeah I'm in a similar position and wish you all the best

edit: also I love your username
 
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Dulcie

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Welcome to the forum! I hope you stay because our community is tremendously supportive and you will learn a lot.

I had a mother like your's. She passed away last Boxing Day, but by then I knew I'd gained the upper hand of her emotional abuse because she stopped her nastiness; maybe though, it was because she became needy in her twilight weeks.

Except I doubt your mother is aware of what she has been doing because down the years her habit of manipulating you and others has become a habit. Still, you feel she is abusing you every which way and you have the right to put a stop to her.



Take all the time you need to grow stronger. I'm sure there are other great articles on the internet.

Best wishes,
Dulcie
 
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sunshineandbutterflies

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Oct 12, 2017
Messages
17
Welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear of the conflict between you and your mom. I would recommend speaking to a guidance counselor at school if you are able. Have you ever heard of the book Safe People? It might be a good resource for you. You mentioned your siblings...Are any of them or would any of them being willing to give you a place to stay?
 
Flameheart

Flameheart

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talking to school about your at home abuse is the worse thing you can do!!!
 

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