Is this abuse? Another rant

[toto]

No ... not that you can't. It's just not easy. My illness surprised me two years after my first daughter. And I still think that all the stress of puberty during childbirth, wakefulness is finally reflected. It is very important that someone helps you, that there are no scandals. Usually where there are scandals and children are more or less slapped. You may be right about the slaps, don't take me as the only example.

 

[toto]

I gave the example of my mother, who received slaps every day and as an older child was beaten for her brother and sister. She has nothing. She even has such an incentive to work that she would be an example in the forum for depression as a person who at the age of 60 still does her hair, puts on make-up and dresses well.

 

[toto]

It is best to talk to a therapist. He will be better able to advise you exactly how to deal with your mother. Even if you share it with her, it is not known whether she will decide to throw you out in order to know who the boss is. Because I had a different opinion last year and I was expelled. As for the kids ... I never imagined I would shout as much as I shouted. My acquaintances too.

 

[WhySoSerious]

Rather than putting a label on something I prefer to look at how it made you FEEL at the time opposed to an arbitrary term or label for the behaviour. If you felt uncomfortable then for me it is a problem, regardless of what the intention was.

It seems that when you have raised it with her she has become defensive and her crying may be a way of avoiding an uncomfortable conversation about her behaviour. I tend to ignore those behaviours and continue with my position, avoiding any deviation from the topic. People are prone to do this as they know it normally works.

I would probably bring it up in a more neutral moment and explain clearly why you do not like it. Saying "I don't like being touched" is a tad vague and may not be "heard" in the way you intend it. Be specific. If you think that it is sexualised then you may need to say that - directly. I suspect this will cause her to recoil and back off and I don't believe a little shame or guilt would be a bad thing for her to experience in this scenario.

I wish you all the luck in the world. This is a mighty tough situation for anyone.