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Is this abuse? Another rant

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toto

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So if someone wants to help the child, he will inform the parent what he is doing to him, and he will not separate the child from him, because he can separate him from someone who loves him but is not taught how to behave.
My mother didn't have a washing machine until 15 years ago. Imagine washing clothes, for example, stretching to -15-20 degrees outside ... this is my conclusion.
 
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Amethystgrey9999

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Okay, but if your parents come from a bad environment, they can't be perfect. My mother hardly beat me (only twice). She is beaten every day. This shows that she has changed her upbringing. And it's just a matter of rethinking. In addition, it is difficult to raise a child. Also, with this sexual culture, porn .. a little difficult to establish normal relationships. And from there it becomes difficult to raise the child. If anyone was interested, there would be no porn at first.
Thank you so much for the perspective. It definitely made things a little more clear.
 
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Amethystgrey9999

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U mean here in your house, or here in the forum? (Sorry if its obvious though)

And for the rant at least BY ME and some ppl it is GOOD that you feel free to rant or "write out" your mind when you need or feel like, cause it both helps other ppl who can/may relate to (worth reminding its posted in internet, so IN THE NEXT YEARS some ppl may read this and other threads, and it be what they d need to read), and also helps YOOOU to get some relieve
I meant leaving home. (no need to apologize, it was an error on my behalf). Ranting did give me some relief.
 
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Amethystgrey9999

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Sorry that you have been going through this for so long. Yes it is definite abuse. I thought I should look up definitions from New York - given your location.


The following definitions are from New York State Social Services Law Section 473 (Adult Protective Services):

Physical Abuse Non-accidental use of force that results in bodily injury, pain, or impairment. This includes, but is not limited to, being slapped, burned, cut, bruised, or improperly physically restrained.

Sexual Abuse Non-consensual sexual contact of any kind. This includes, but is not limited to, forcing sexual contact with self or forcing sexual contact with another person.

Emotional Abuse Willful infliction of mental or emotional anguish by threat, humiliation, intimidation or other abusive conduct. This includes, but is not limited to, isolating or frightening an adult.



What is Child Abuse/Neglect?

The Family Court Act of the state of New York defines child neglect or abuse as the act, or failure to act, by any parent or caretaker that results in the death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse, or exploitation of a child under the age of 18.

Child Abuse

  • Child physical abuse occurs when a parent or caretaker inflicts or allows someone to inflict serious physical injury other than by accidental means.
  • This includes, but is not limited to, shaking, beating, biting, kicking, punching, and burning. It is also considered abuse if a parent creates a condition or allows the condition to be created, that leads to a child becoming the victim of serious physical injury.
  • Child sexual abuse includes incest, rape, obscene sexual performance, fondling a child’s genitals, intercourse, sodomy, and any other contact such as exposing a child to sexual activity, or commercial sexual exploitation such as prostitution of a minor or production of pornographic materials involving a minor.

Child Neglect

Neglect is defined as the failure of a parent or caretaker to provide needed food, clothing, shelter, medical care, or supervision to the degree that the child’s health, safety, and well-being are threatened with harm. Some examples include:

  • Failure to support a child’s educational needs either by keeping a child home from school for unexcused reasons or not following up with a child’s educational needs despite the school’s outreach to the parent or caretaker.
  • Failure to provide adequate food, clothing, or shelter.
  • Failure to provide medical or mental health care (including drug abuse services).
  • Leaving a child alone who is not developmentally able to be left alone without adequate supervision.
  • Leaving a child with someone without establishing a plan for the provision for food, clothing, education, or medical care.
  • Leaving a child with someone that does not have the ability to appropriately supervise or protect the child.
  • Subjecting a child to humiliation, fear, verbal terror, or extreme criticism.
  • Using corporal punishment beyond what is objectionably reasonable and it results in the physical or emotional harm of a child.
  • Exposing a child to family violence.
  • Parent or caretaker using drugs to the point of not being able to adequately take care of a child.
  • Keeping, manufacturing, or selling drugs in the presence of a child, or giving drugs to a child.


I think you should try to work out how you can start to protect yourself. You deserve to be treated and to treat yourself better than this.
Thank you so much for this.
 
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Amethystgrey9999

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My story is similar to yours. After much deliberation, I attributed it to a lack of upbringing. I guess he loves children? I think this corrupts the child somewhat. However, knowing how she lived, I pulled away from her a little, but I'm not angry with her. Just something ill-considered. I told her what others thought about it and she didn't do it anymore.
It's definitely this. My mom used to get black eyes from my grandmom, or so I've heard. I know that I'm supposed to cut her of some slack, but I really want to leave and I know it will break her heart if I do.
 
Miho

Miho

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It's definitely this. My mom used to get black eyes from my grandmom, or so I've heard. I know that I'm supposed to cut her of some slack, but I really want to leave and I know it will break her heart if I do.
I am sure your mom had it rough. But that is in no way a reason to accept what she is doing to you.
I think its best you look out for you. You need to be in a safe inviroment. And if that means leaving that go for it. You are most important in this. Not your mom or her feelings.
 
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toto

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What does it mean
"My mom used to get black eyes from my grandmom, or so I've heard"
 
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toto

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I stand and think of you. In my time, going to psychotherapy was not fashionable, and I was afraid that I would be diagnosed, which they did. The therapist will know best how to help you overcome what to tell your mother. Otherwise, the more I think about it, the more I come to a bad upbringing, not pedophile tendencies as an explanation.
 
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toto

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Nobody told me that. And it's bad, because I could have told my mother in another way, without doubts eating me for years. It is good for every child after 18 to live separately from their parents, it is useful for you to be separated anyway. Go to a therapist (I forbid you pills! :D ), If he is good, you will come out more confident than the therapy. You will receive a signal that he is good if you feel calm and hopeful after the meeting.
 
AlwaysinCrown

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I'm sorry that it happened to you. Have you contacted proper institution like police?
 
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toto

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I don't think she'll feel better if she puts her mother in jail. Since you take this question so seriously ... I would advise you to talk to your mother. He explained to her that in the eyes of the law, such behavior was criminal. You will just re-educate her. Although she kicked you too. Which is humiliating. I don't know, is he pretending to be a teenager? It's good that you wrote here. Obviously, if you turn to the institutions, you will not be able to do as you wish, and they will proceed to bring your mother to justice?
 
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toto

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What would the US government decide in such a case? Just taking the child away? Because the mother is a pseudo-criminal and it would be a tragedy to go to prison with real criminals. In addition, I insist that the mother be obliged to go to psychotherapy until she changes her behavior and character, and not to take the child away. The very act of psychotherapy and building equal relationships is useful for everyone as a skill. Few people love them, in general. Losing your parents because they had bad parents is not fair.
 
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Amethystgrey9999

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Yall I just turned 18 a couple of months ago. By leaving I meant cutting my family off completely, once lock down is over I'll be moving out. I'm a legal adult at this point. My mom has made plans of us as a family moving to a different country, etc. Once I get a job. We're living with her mom, I think it's important that I insert that I'm not American, so living with your family even after 18 is sort of like a thing that happens often. It's like my mom raised me, so hence I must dedicate the rest of my life, or theirs, as a way of payback. I desperately want to cut them off entirely, but I know I won't. I feel like I'm going to end up just like my mom, in the same situation. She's a grown adult who still lives with her verbally abusive mom. I can't and won't call the police, because I'm an adult now, and I am responsible for my safety.
 
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Amethystgrey9999

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What does it mean
"My mom used to get black eyes from my grandmom, or so I've heard"
Like my mom used to talk about how her mom used to beat her up until she got a black eye. She used to threaten me, but she never actually beat me up till the point of bruising, thankfully.
 
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toto

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Unfortunately, this is more common in third world countries and developing countries. My guess is that with the availability of the internet and television, people's intelligence and awareness is increasing, which in the future will help to avoid cases like mine. Unless you intend to live as a hermit, you will take care of someone anyway. But it's nice to let you have a family.
 

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