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Is this a symptom of Depression?

O

operlan25

New member
Joined
Oct 28, 2021
Messages
1
Location
Greece
Hello everyone!

I'm rather new here as you can probably see :) and I, believe, have been depressed for couple of years now. Mostly after I lost my job (about 5 years ago) and afterwards, when I could stand on my feet again, Covid hit the world and that cost me my new business and any revenue stream I had plus chance for a normal life. I have never been to a doctor (Phycologist etc) but I feel like sh*t (pardon my French) almost every day and most of the time I think about disappearing (not in a suicidal way, anymore) since I'm a burden to all my family, relatives, friends; feeling like a huge disappointment almost every day and every minute. Only good thing is that I live in Greece and the sun is the one shiny thing that seriously helps me get by.

Although I somehow manage to cope with my issues (not very expertly I might say) and always try to smile and be cheerful, unfortunately the one thing I cannot handle, it's also the reason why I joined this forum, the constant anxiety and fear I have over my family (mom, pop and bro) having any health issue which I won't be able to help; especially my mom. She has been through many surgeries in her lifetime and one life-threating (small tumor in her head). When I lost my job many years ago, it's when these thoughts about my moms health (was terrified and still am that she has some sort of Alzheimer or cognitive problems) creeping up and literally braking me down to nothing. I am pretty strong (mostly physically) and my grown 40yo a*ss broke down into tears when I talked to her about it, something I have never done in my adult life. Although she is NOT diagnosed (thank God) with anything even remotely related and she has perfect memory I am always afraid. And THIS is the reason while I posted here and thought I might ask other people if they have similar "issues" i.e. being constantly anxious and afraid about your close family for health concerns, given the fact that they are clinically fine, thus making you unable to think, act, be socially active and generally anxious and afraid all the f****g time. Does this happen to anyone else? Is this some sort of projection from my part i.e. sort of transforming (in my mind) my own problems/concerns about myself into my family, because I am afraid to face my own "demons"?

Sorry for the long read and I do hope everyone is alright and thank you for reading this.

Take care and God bless us all:thanks:
 
Bhonest

Bhonest

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 20, 2021
Messages
116
Location
Paradise
Depression is a feeling not a reaction.
 
Q

Quietly Invisible

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 29, 2021
Messages
102
Location
PA
Depression is a feeling of extreme sadness. It makes you disinterested in things you used to enjoy, keeps you away from the people you love. Takes your energy to clean your house or sometimes even yourself. Everbody gets sad sometimes, but this comes on sometimes for absolutely no reason that you can think of.
My first bout of depression at 21y, only lasted three days. I was so quiet and sad but I had no idea why. Everything in my life was going fine. Then it was over. Unfortunately, future bouts got longer and worse.

Now, anxiety I had had ALL my life from as far back as I can remember. I was "quiet"...afraid to meet new people, afraid to get on the school bus, afraid to start school EACH year, afraid to go new places, afraid to talk to people...but I didn't know why.

Fast forward 40 years, and so so many more things to be afraid of...I went to counseling because I was extemely anxious about going to a bull roast. Crazy anxious...a bull roast!!?? I didn't know why. My husband wanted to go so I knew this was weird and I needed help. Also, I had two teenage daughters who were micro-managed because their mother had what we called "Mom's over-reactive disease". If they were 5 minutes late without calling I was afraid they were in an accident or left in a ditch somewhere...and so on. I saw a therapist for 2 years. Found out all about depression and anxiety--which was very helpful to at least understand what was going on. They can't cure you...wish they could. I am on medication for depression which was very well controlled for 20 years until COVID-19 hit and we were trapped in our houses. I am also on medication for anxiety. It helps, but it doesn't take it away. The medication is a controlled substance and can be addictive, so you have to be careful to stay under a certain dosage. Plus it calms you down, so too much will make you very sleepy. But it helps some.
I still don't like bull roasts and I still don't know why, but I don't care.
 
Bhonest

Bhonest

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 20, 2021
Messages
116
Location
Paradise
Sorry I suppose in this case your depression is a reaction to losing your job (if you enjoyed it) …. I didn’t read all of your first paragraph but like I said it’s a feeeing, it comes and goes. Try to not focus on the negative. I’ve never had depression but anxiety comes and goes. Try to block it out and just be.
 
H

hairybanana

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 18, 2021
Messages
5,343
Location
Australia
Hello everyone!

I'm rather new here as you can probably see :) and I, believe, have been depressed for couple of years now. Mostly after I lost my job (about 5 years ago) and afterwards, when I could stand on my feet again, Covid hit the world and that cost me my new business and any revenue stream I had plus chance for a normal life. I have never been to a doctor (Phycologist etc) but I feel like sh*t (pardon my French) almost every day and most of the time I think about disappearing (not in a suicidal way, anymore) since I'm a burden to all my family, relatives, friends; feeling like a huge disappointment almost every day and every minute. Only good thing is that I live in Greece and the sun is the one shiny thing that seriously helps me get by.

Although I somehow manage to cope with my issues (not very expertly I might say) and always try to smile and be cheerful, unfortunately the one thing I cannot handle, it's also the reason why I joined this forum, the constant anxiety and fear I have over my family (mom, pop and bro) having any health issue which I won't be able to help; especially my mom. She has been through many surgeries in her lifetime and one life-threating (small tumor in her head). When I lost my job many years ago, it's when these thoughts about my moms health (was terrified and still am that she has some sort of Alzheimer or cognitive problems) creeping up and literally braking me down to nothing. I am pretty strong (mostly physically) and my grown 40yo a*ss broke down into tears when I talked to her about it, something I have never done in my adult life. Although she is NOT diagnosed (thank God) with anything even remotely related and she has perfect memory I am always afraid. And THIS is the reason while I posted here and thought I might ask other people if they have similar "issues" i.e. being constantly anxious and afraid about your close family for health concerns, given the fact that they are clinically fine, thus making you unable to think, act, be socially active and generally anxious and afraid all the f****g time. Does this happen to anyone else? Is this some sort of projection from my part i.e. sort of transforming (in my mind) my own problems/concerns about myself into my family, because I am afraid to face my own "demons"?

Sorry for the long read and I do hope everyone is alright and thank you for reading this.

Take care and God bless us all:thanks:
Think after having one thing happen after another it makes sense your anxiety is running pretty high. Those are big things you’ve been through and I’ve no doubt a lot of people in your shoes would be feeling depressed and anxious about what’s to come.
I experience anxiety and depression. I don’t personally hold health fears really but I know a lot of people with anxiety can become very fixated on health concerns (real or perceived). And given what happened withyour mother it makes sense your anxiety surrounds health issues.

Id recommended speaking to a psychologist, you deserve support and I’m sure in time you’ll get things on track.

and sadly your business is just one of many that has dissolved during covid. You’re not alone
 
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