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Is this a symptom of Bipolar or sonething?

Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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When my thoughts race I spend way too much money. I go to the store daily and spend between $20-$120 everyday I've even gone so far as give my mom my debit card so I don't spend any money.

I haven't exactly tokd Sue because I'm embarrassed. Could it be Bipolar OR BPD? I know you all aren't docyors though. From your personal experiences, have you experienced this?
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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Feel high as a kite. Never been high before but I imagine this is how it feels. Thoughts racing really bad. Waiting to go back to work. Have nothing to do all day again. I'm sick of this. I need stimulation. Not this crap of just sitting around. Done.
 
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Helena1

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don't be embarrassed. it is best to talk to sue as she can help you best.
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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she's going to be mad because I owe her a lot of money. but with my spending I don't have money left over basically.

it makes me want to die...
 
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Helena1

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you are already doing stuff to reign in your spending, like giving your mum your debit card. you cant do anything about the money you already spent so try not to think badly for doing it and just try your best not to any more.
i am sure she wont be mad at you.
with your job i am sure you can pay her the money you owe her soon.
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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can't stop thoughts. racing. going 90 miles an hour. too much information. can't type fast enough. too quick. need this to stop. been on 600mg of Seroquel for two days now. and I'm still not sleeping. need sleep. can't concentrate at work. not supposed to be on here at work but can't help it. about to breakdown. need to self harm. have an email into Sue. need everything to stop.

and im supposed to have two dates this weekend. I feel like a slut. I wont sleep with both, if any at all because I don't want to. sex makes me sick. sex is gross. it gives me chills. it makes me throw up. plus I don't have anywhere to go with C. he's coming from a different town. I really like him though. what if he pressures me into sex? what if he doesn't take no? what if something happens and its bad? what if I die...sex will make me die...
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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you are already doing stuff to reign in your spending, like giving your mum your debit card. you cant do anything about the money you already spent so try not to think badly for doing it and just try your best not to any more.
i am sure she wont be mad at you.
with your job i am sure you can pay her the money you owe her soon.
I hope so. can't do this much longer.
 
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Helena1

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if you dont trust someone you are going on a date not to rape you maybe you should not be going on a date with them. or maybe just stay in public places. most guys will not pressure you and if you say no will not do anything though.
 
Lincoln1990

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I've been talking to him for awhile. But never met him in person. We've Skyped though. I don't think he will do anything, but it's always in the back of my mind that someone will again. I don't think I'm strong to handle it again. I will fall apart.
 
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Helena1

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where are you meeting him? like i say if i were meeting anyone wither friend or relationship i would always only meet them in a public place with lots of people and wouldn't go anywhere with them till you know them better in person.
 
Wiseowl

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From reading your posts in my opinion it sounds like you are engaging in risky behaviour and perhaps not in the best mind-set to be putting yourself in an unfamiliar or stressful situation such as dating.

When my spending was out of control I used to try and get the same rush but trying to reduce the harm. So I would borrow library books (which made me feel I had something new to treat myself) instead of buying things, treat myself to a chocolate bar instead of spending hundreds of pounds, and sometimes buy myself a hot drink in a relaxing café rather than go out for expense meals. :hug1:

There are many people who do overspend when their MH is bad, you are not alone and I found that gaining self-awareness of why I did this behaviour helped me to combat it.
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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I don't know. I really hope I'm ready. I want a boyfriend. ABut I don't want sex...I want a boyfriend though.

And this would be long-distance. I don't know though.

There are other things that I can't mention because they're so bad. I'm feeling pretty poorly right now. I feel sick to my stomach and also just horrible. My head hurts. Too many thoughts too fast. Cant stop them.

I can't do this anymore
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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If I had something to hurt myself (and guarantee I die) I would kill myself right now...everybody would be relieved anyway. they wouldn't have to deal with me anymore.
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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I need to die I've decided.
 
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