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Is there something wrong with me?

B

Bandit

New member
Joined
Sep 2, 2009
Messages
2
I'm not sure where to begin, but I'm going to try to explain how I feel and my experiences and I'm going to into great detail, even things which might not mean much but things I think I need to say. I'm going to be completely frank in the hope that someone might be able to help me.

I'm a 23 year old male from the UK, a few years ago when I was 19, I suffered from depression or at least thats what I was told it was. I have a full time job, nothing special but I've always thought I needed to start somewhere and that I would move on. For most of my adult life I've always seem to be alone, I do have friends but I don't see them that often and I'm only really around people when I'm in work - when I have to be, in my own time I would estimate that 99% of it I am on my own. I quite often feel lonely but when I am with people I tend to want to be alone, which frustrates me immensley.

From time to time I have periods where I do feel, what I can only describe as depression again, I sometimes drive around endless on my own just to get out of my house. Without trying to sound like I'm trying to blow my own trumpet, I am not a bad looking bloke and I've never had a problem attracting the opposite sex, but I've always had a problem getting close to someone - I've never been in a romantic relationship, it all comes back to me being alone.

Again at the risk of blowing my own trumpet, I am quite an intelligent person but I sometimes do things which I know is wrong but I do them anyway. I sometimes feel anxious / self conscious if I'm out in public which again leads to me being alone.

I will confess to having thought about suicide, but I've not actually thought seriously about doing it.

My moods can vary a lot, sometimes I will feel great and good about things then at the opposite end of things everything is just so bad.

I would really like to speak to someone professionally about how I feel but I am also worried that I would get labelled with something which would stop pursuing a career, I know this might sound stupid but its just another example of my thought process.

I do feel that there are two versions to me, the version I allow everyone to see of me, and the version that only I know of. I try my very best to hide my feelings and discomforts when I am out in public or with friends, but inside I get really anxious.

There is stuff I have forgotten to put in here at this time so I'll try to update it when more comes to mind. I suppose I'm just looking for advice on whethere or not there is something wrong with me and what, and if someone feels similar things.

Thank you to those who have taken the time to read this.
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2007
Messages
1,149
Location
W2
I would really like to speak to someone professionally about how I feel but I am also worried that I would get labelled with something which would stop pursuing a career, I know this might sound stupid but its just another example of my thought process.
Seeking help doesn't need to be through your GP or by him referring you to a psychiatrist. Plenty of people see consellors or therapists on a private basis. Part of their ethics code is complete confidentiality, and it is a very normal thing to do. If I was you I'd give it a shot.

Oh...and :welcome:
 
S

Soren

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 16, 2009
Messages
91
Location
uk
hi bandit, at the risk of being too obvious, it sounds to me like you're having depression and social anxiety problems.

but on the plus side, you're maybe a bit of an introvert as well. being introverted is completely fine of course, but it does mean that you'll be more prone to rumination etc, and this can take you to dark places all by itself. and also makes it hard to jump from inwardness to socializing - hence social anxiety.

you should definitely go and see a professional for advice - its highly unlikely that you have anything that will hinder your career. any professional will have to respect your confidentiality, and in any case, if you did have an illness that severe, it would hinder you anyway.

you don't say how bad the bad deeds are, so i'll assume they're not absolutely terrible. i can well believe that you're an intelligent guy, so you can sort that bit out i'm sure. take care mate.
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
Hi bandit I think that you have made a good start coming here perhap s if you find enough support here then that will help you and you could try to find something low key therapy to see if this helps obviously if yo u need to see your gp then you know my bf's d octor has kept everything within the surgery she hasnt got himin engaged with the bloody awful cmht.
 
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