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Is there something like "loving the pain"?

B

blueorange

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Joined
Nov 27, 2014
Messages
203
Some people try not to be sad. For example her pet dies and she tries to run away from the pain. Not looking at her photos, not watching her videos, tries to make her mind busy with other things.

My mom is able to do this. To some degree. She says that "when sad things come to my mind I banish them, I try to think something else."

I am not able to do this. I do the opposite, concentrate on the pain. Thinking, thinking and thinking.
My cat died 3 days ago. I rescued her, she had deep wounds when I found her. I cared for her about 4 months. 40 days of it she was at the vet hospital. She was old and died from multiple organ failure. So, you know, she was with me just a couple of months. But I'm dying from the pain. I rarely do not cry, for example now, I'm at work. The moment I get into my car after the work, I start crying loud. I cannot describe the degree of pain.

I keep thinking her, especially her last three hours. Looking at her last videos, photos. I have her videos when she was about to die. I took them because we had to go to an e-vet at night and I was sending those videos to our actual vet to get his opinions.

I feel like I have to be in pain. Why should I not concentrate on my pain? I'm not just talking about the cat. I do this in every sad event.

If I can understand the logic behind this (I mean the reason why one should escape from the pain) I may try to concentrate on other things.

Last year this times I was in pain because of the death of another stray cat which I knew for just 2 months.

I have two dogs. They are getting old. I'm afraid I will die when they die.
 
M

misssadness

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Aug 3, 2015
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Blueorange, I am so sorry for your pain. You did a wonderful thing by rescuing your cat and you let her live her remaining life knowing she was loved. I hope that is of some comfort to you. Whenever I have lost one of my animals or they are ill I fall to pieces and am unable to be any other way. I really do understand what you are going through. I think you are in so much pain because you loved her so much and you are caring and warm. It is such a worry to have elderly pets. I am in the same situation as you. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.:hug:
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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I believe it is good to feel sadness. There is something to be learned in sadness. But then there is a cut off point where you as the boss of you has to say, Okay, that's enough sadness. You can't just stay in it. You said your mother's style of coping was to immediately cut off any sadness. Now you are going to the opposite extreme. You can find a healthy middle ground by mourning your animal a reasonable amount of time and then Letting It Go.
 
B

blueorange

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Joined
Nov 27, 2014
Messages
203
I believe it is good to feel sadness. There is something to be learned in sadness. But then there is a cut off point where you as the boss of you has to say, Okay, that's enough sadness. You can't just stay in it. You said your mother's style of coping was to immediately cut off any sadness. Now you are going to the opposite extreme. You can find a healthy middle ground by mourning your animal a reasonable amount of time and then Letting It Go.
Actually not immediately. For example when family dog died she stayed in her room for three days and did not eat anything. Later on she tried to escape from the pain. This dog was her "son".
If my dogs die I may die from the pain.
 
S

Stray

Guest
I'm so sorry that you've lost your cat. I too can feel pain so intensely and viscerally, somehow feel it more with animals than with people. You did all that you could for this cat, and you are grieving, it will hurt. I think we find sadness a hard emotion to tolerate in others, but it is valid and needed perhaps. Hug xx
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
Actually not immediately. For example when family dog died she stayed in her room for three days and did not eat anything. Later on she tried to escape from the pain. This dog was her "son".
If my dogs die I may die from the pain.
Do you think that what we believe about life and death can be behind our intensity of grief??
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Nov 23, 2015
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17,161
Oh the old Judgments.


Do as I say not as I do.

Pull your socks up

Smile its not that bad

They have it worse in Africa you know (<<<name one!!! :curseyou:)

People who do not have BPD simply do not understand what it is like to go through your life as though you are On Fire.

Fuck em I say. There but for the Grace of God...

Ironically my family were RESPONSIBLE for my mental condition having raised me as the Family Punching Bag from birth.

Judge away, fucktards. Only I know the sheer BRAVERY of staying alive day in day out in Emotional Agony. Me and other sufferers.

Best

BDU
 
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