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Is there something going on or am I just lazy?

H

Hennvl

Member
Joined
Nov 5, 2013
Messages
19
Hello all.

Sometimes I wonder if there is actually something going on with me, mentally. I seem to have all kinds of little problems but have in all these years never received a diagnosis. All I know is that I have anxiety, and might still have some sort of trauma (due to domestic violence).

I am doing three full days of volunteer work nowadays, but it's getting harder to get out of bed with every day. I'm thinking to myself, maybe I should work more days? And keep that up for a month and get a rhythm/clock going? Sometimes I feel like my subconscious has developed these anxiety and other little problems just so I can stay in bed and have lots of pastime.

I don't really enjoy my free days though; I usually sleep 12-14 hours a day on a free day because I don't know what to do and don't feel like doing anything. I mean, I want to do something, set up something, maybe a Youtube channel, but when I think of all the effort I have to put in and how long it will take before you'll be successful I just feel like it's too much work and get a little depressed.

I've been with my mental health organization for 7 years now with every time a different issue, though a handful seem to come back and haunt me for a period of time. Such as this gayness thing. Sometimes I feel like kissing someone on the mouth regardless sex. Though I honestly think it's because I have never had a girlfriend let alone the touch of a woman for a long time. It's like men in a jail, they also turn gay due to the lack of women.

Anyway, I'm wondering if anyone else is experiencing the same thing. I guess you could say my biggest fear is to end up in a treadmill factory for the rest of my life. Such jobs I've done before and they depress the hell out of me. I'm dying for a job where I can put my creativity to work, heck, as long as I'm not getting depressed by a job I'll be a reasonably happy man.

Problem is I don't even have the guts to apply for such jobs let alone work there. The anxiety will get to me because I'm so scared of making a mistake, doing something inappropriate, and what will I do when I can't get out of bed again. Getting out of bed is the toughest moment of the day for me; it's like I have no energy at all, even though I sleep well.

Long enough post. Thanks for reading and if you have any experiences you want to share I'd be happy to hear about them.

Regards
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,529
Location
The West Country
I think in these situations, it's always worth visiting your GP and asking them to run some blood tests.
Whilst mental health can have a really big affect on how you feel physically, it's always a good idea to rule out any physical cause such as thyroid issues, anaemia etc.

It could also be the time of year. I do think it's hugely challenging for people to have the energy to get through the day when all around us nature is sleeping.

From what you're saying about how much you're sleeping on your days off, I wouldn't take on any more days of voluntary work at the moment. You're sleeping that much for a reason (you obviously need it).
 
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