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Is there really any reason to go on?

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SilverThread

Member
Joined
Oct 4, 2019
Messages
11
Location
USA
Okay, i really dont want answers like "yes, love is a reason to go on." or "yes, people love you" im beyond those at this point.

Some backround: I had mild depression most of highschool and ive been graduated for four years now. Over the years, life has kinda beaten me down. Then, in 2018, my dad died, then two of our dogs (our as in i live with my parents or PARENT now and my sister) Already being in a depressed state with low self esteem, i guess it was inevitable for so much death to make me spiral downward. I began questioning the point of life which grew bigger to "why does anything exist at all?" The only thing i really lived for was my friend who i had feelings for for years but i eventually learned she did not feel more than platonic love for me which hurt deeply. After than i started trying desperately to love life in it simplicity. I shouldnt need thins to cling to to want to live is what i keep thinking. But recently after having many life changing revelations about life and existence, i still run into the same problem. I see no reason to live. Yes, theres people who love me, but their existance as a human is fleeting and life is meaningless. If say, we are all eternal beings (souls) or whatever, it seems the best course of action that is fair to myself would be to be happy because otherwise being alive for eternity in misery would suck. But at this point, i dont even see a point to happiness. I just wish nothing existed. I hate all range of emotion, i hate everything about this absurd game called life. I dont know why i ever wanted to exist in the first place and im finding it next to impossible to reconnect back to loving existance because it genuinly isnt fair for us to live or exist as entities with feelings. This goes fo god too. If god exists, is seems unfair for something who feels to exist at all. Maybe what i need is to reconnect to feelings love but at this point it feels impossible and i also dont want to. No matter how good i feel some days, it just doesnt feel like its worth it...
 
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schizolanza

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
2,659
Are you getting any help like antidepressants?
 
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SilverThread

Member
Joined
Oct 4, 2019
Messages
11
Location
USA
schizolanza,

yes, i did and although they help my mood, it still doesnt really give me a reason to live. It just makes me not think about it so much. I stopped taking it cause i feel its pointless now.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
9,892
Location
England
Hi,
I lost my dad in January, it has hit me very hard. I know exactly how your feeling.
Have you tried any grief counselling?
I'm here if you need to talk.
Sorry for the loss of your dad and dogs.
I go on because I know how much my mum and sister and pets need me.
Take care
 
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Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,577
Location
Florida
Hi Silver Thread and welcome to the forum. Are you working at a job? I know working can help take your mind off things. Death is so very hard to except. I like what Jww wrote and it seems comforting that someone cares right now and has experienced death too.

I Pray for you that life will get better and it does. I have recently lost 5 of my animals and I am devastated. I live on a farm and predators are everywhere. I keep waiting for a wild animal with rabies to attack my dogs. We do the best we can to protect what we love but the way life works sometimes we just can't.

No Fears and No Worries lots of love and hugs sent your way Jules
 
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Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,577
Location
Florida
Oh I would never regret the opportunity to have loved something that was taken away. Just to know love exists is valuable. I am so happy you know how to love as most people do not. Time heals all and I am old so I speak from experience.
 
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SilverThread

Member
Joined
Oct 4, 2019
Messages
11
Location
USA
Thanks you all for the replies. Existence is just so weird. It feels like a super convoluted system and its hard to tell where we fit in in the whole thing and it just constantly feels weird and unnatural for life to exist for some reason.
 
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EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,622
Location
USA
ST no one has a for sure answer to those big questions, but people choose their personal answers that are relevant to them. Those are just as valid I think. In other words we make our own realities.

I’m sorry for all of your losses. That has to be really hard. You should accept that you are grieving and confused/ angry and whatever else you feel. As time goes on, you will continue to shape your little version of reality to your liking but take it one step and one day at a time ❤
 
HopefulMe

HopefulMe

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 4, 2019
Messages
75
Location
United Statea
I think the reason for existing is so we can see, touch, hear, feel all the beauty. All the happiness we can! Dont get me wrong I have my days where I feel like its pointless, but then I walk outside or my dog nudges me and I realize that on even the bad days the gut wrenching gonna end it days, there's always something to smile about. You just gotta find your happiness. Its not about anyone but you. This existence is what you make of it. Alot of us where handed a shitty hand of cards. Put your poker face on and win the damn game 😉 I believe I am living this existence so someone else didn't have to. And I would go thru every bit of it again just to know that no one else suffered. Its not the reason of existince I question. Its where is the love. This place has turned into quite the shit hole. It scares me that I can make more sense of my mind than the ugliness of the human being. I hope you can find something to smile about today 😁 Ever need to chat or wanna vent I'll listen 😉
 
Leytonuntidy

Leytonuntidy

New member
Joined
Oct 10, 2019
Messages
3
Location
United Kingdom
Hi!

Thanks for sharing.

Your post just made me think. Is the depression actually the norm and anything else is just a delusion? I mean, what is happiness anyway? To me it just feels like an unachievable dream.

Anyway, you inspired some interesting thoughts. I don't know if this is frowned upon here, but my reply isn't exactly positive.

I hope you find meaning or a higher level of understanding soon.
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
7,260
Location
NZ
Life is hard its not always that easy to stick around
My family well brothers I don't have anything to do with my mother only just tolerated her because and or for my dad. Hes dead now my mother abusive woman
My husband and I have now seperated I have found some kind of peace just me and my beautiful dog.
I think animals can save us and make life worth living

Whether its a cat or dog, a rabbit, hamster of birds they are a living being easier to please than any human
 
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