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Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

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LTV1985

Active member
Joined
Mar 18, 2019
Messages
27
Location
Manchester
I have been staring at this blank page for a while as I don't know where to begin.

It has been a while since I posted my feelings on this website but once again I find myself at rock bottom. There seems to be a cycle in my life where I hit rock bottom, pick myself up to a stable mind set and then all of a sudden I hit the bottom again.

I am so lonely! Over the years I have pushed people away. I have no friends as they are all married with kids. I am not in a relationship of my own as I have a habit of pushing people away. Since lockdown I have been working from home for the last six months and have had little human interaction. I know that exercise is a big factor for me to feel mentally better but for the last few weeks I have struggled to get out of bed and go for a walk.

I have been in tears the last few days as I have been looking at my past. The paths I have chosen in my life has led me to a point where I fear there is no return for me. Am I destined to live this lonely, drunken, unfulfilled life? If I am destined to live this life then why can't I be happy with this? Society tells me that I should be married, have kids, have money and have friends. My brain tells me that my life would be better if I had these things in my life. Because they are not in my life and time is running out I find myself at rock bottom.

I feel I give good advice to other people, why can't I give good advice to myself? Let me re-phrase that, I do give good advice to myself but I have a mental block that just doesn't take advice. Is this down to a lazy mind? Is this due to a damaged mind? I just don't know. I have been looking at seeing a psychiatrist recently as there is so much in my brain that I need to get out. There is so much in my past that I need to piece together and find out where I went wrong in life.
 
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Am33

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2020
Messages
153
Location
Fiji
Yes therapy I recommend it . Looking at yourself is the key looking at why I did this why I did that ? and making a better choice about things it is how we learn . I used to think like that "what's wrong with me ? "why I'm not married don't have the 2.3 kids . I'm ok with it now cause my purpose in life is working on my mind and that's made me better and maybe helping others too.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,291
Location
England
It is a lot easier to be able to help others then ourselves. You do not have a lazy mind. You cannot help feeling the way you do. It is a great idea to see a psychiatrist. Well done for taking that step.

Ignore society. Not everybody is married or has children and not everybody wants that. We are all different and want different things.
 
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LTV1985

Active member
Joined
Mar 18, 2019
Messages
27
Location
Manchester
It is a lot easier to be able to help others then ourselves. You do not have a lazy mind. You cannot help feeling the way you do. It is a great idea to see a psychiatrist. Well done for taking that step.

Ignore society. Not everybody is married or has children and not everybody wants that. We are all different and want different things.
Thank you for your kind words, great advice :)
 
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Thecloudshavefeathers

New member
Joined
Sep 25, 2020
Messages
2
Location
New Zealand
I have been staring at this blank page for a while as I don't know where to begin.

It has been a while since I posted my feelings on this website but once again I find myself at rock bottom. There seems to be a cycle in my life where I hit rock bottom, pick myself up to a stable mind set and then all of a sudden I hit the bottom again.

I am so lonely! Over the years I have pushed people away. I have no friends as they are all married with kids. I am not in a relationship of my own as I have a habit of pushing people away. Since lockdown I have been working from home for the last six months and have had little human interaction. I know that exercise is a big factor for me to feel mentally better but for the last few weeks I have struggled to get out of bed and go for a walk.

I have been in tears the last few days as I have been looking at my past. The paths I have chosen in my life has led me to a point where I fear there is no return for me. Am I destined to live this lonely, drunken, unfulfilled life? If I am destined to live this life then why can't I be happy with this? Society tells me that I should be married, have kids, have money and have friends. My brain tells me that my life would be better if I had these things in my life. Because they are not in my life and time is running out I find myself at rock bottom.

I feel I give good advice to other people, why can't I give good advice to myself? Let me re-phrase that, I do give good advice to myself but I have a mental block that just doesn't take advice. Is this down to a lazy mind? Is this due to a damaged mind? I just don't know. I have been looking at seeing a psychiatrist recently as there is so much in my brain that I need to get out. There is so much in my past that I need to piece together and find out where I went wrong in life.
I can relate to this. You sound like a super nice person. So no you r not damaged. Lots of people struggle with motivation including me. I try go for a 30 minute walk every day because I know if I try make it longer I won’t go. But don’t beat yourself up if u don’t manage to go at all. Social anxiety sucks but I think the key is to try to find people who also hav social anxiety and who u r not intimidated by otherwise u might just freak out. I cud use some of my own advice as I hav been struggling to leave the house because I don’t want to b judged
 
L

LTV1985

Active member
Joined
Mar 18, 2019
Messages
27
Location
Manchester
I can relate to this. You sound like a super nice person. So no you r not damaged. Lots of people struggle with motivation including me. I try go for a 30 minute walk every day because I know if I try make it longer I won’t go. But don’t beat yourself up if u don’t manage to go at all. Social anxiety sucks but I think the key is to try to find people who also hav social anxiety and who u r not intimidated by otherwise u might just freak out. I cud use some of my own advice as I hav been struggling to leave the house because I don’t want to b judged
Morning. Thank you for reaching out and your kind words. I took your advice this morning and went for a walk/run. It helped clear my mind and it has got me off to a good start to the week :) I agree with finding people who understand your mental state, main reason I joined this website.
Yes please, try and use some of your own advice because your advice has helped me take a step in the right direction this morning. You say I am a super nice person, well that makes you a super duper nice person for reaching out and supporting others :) Hopefully you have been for your 30 minute walk this morning and you are feeling better for it :)
Thank you.
 
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Thecloudshavefeathers

New member
Joined
Sep 25, 2020
Messages
2
Location
New Zealand
Morning. Thank you for reaching out and your kind words. I took your advice this morning and went for a walk/run. It helped clear my mind and it has got me off to a good start to the week :) I agree with finding people who understand your mental state, main reason I joined this website.
Yes please, try and use some of your own advice because your advice has helped me take a step in the right direction this morning. You say I am a super nice person, well that makes you a super duper nice person for reaching out and supporting others :) Hopefully you have been for your 30 minute walk this morning and you are feeling better for it :)
Thank you.
I’m glad the exercise helped u feel happier. That is the same reason I joined this website. Thankyou for saying I’m a nice person. 😀 I could relate to what you were saying so wanted to reply. Yes I hav been for my 30 min walk and I don’t feel so stuck in my head now.
 
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