Are you in portsmouth as well......stick with the forum, it's been an amazing support for me personally since I first joined. It's not always busy, but you can be sure someone will always come and chat or advise
Yep - am sane at the moment, well thats what I call it.
But more often than not am paranoid. Everything i see is thru negative spectacles, there are no positives in my life at all.
Am pissed off with it - before I moved here i was in a high powered job earning an arm and a leg. Since have been here have not met anybody, so have no friends, am extracised from family and old friends.
So have no one other than my son at home.
Couple that with the fact that have gone from taking home 450 a week to being on benefits, its a nightmare.
Like a living hell to be honest, i dont want it to beat me and i wont let it, but i can see that i am not going to be able to hold down a relationship if my head is not sorted, because who wants to be around someone that one minute is fine, then the next is texting all kinds of mean stuff!
I sleep like a baby, Citalopram for 5 years just changed to Efexor started at 75mg for 2 months, then last two weeks have been worse than ever, sitting under the desk crying, panic attacks at home on me own ffs, so they doubled the dose.
Emotional/personal stuff causes me all the grief, relationships, just paranoid.
I can handle more or less anything other than relationships and financial worries.
Keep talking on here, also there's a journal section where you could maybe write down everything you're thinking and feeling? Have a think about it, I've found it a really useful thing to do because I can see patterns of when I've been at my worst
I know when i am at my worst that is the thing, but i dont know how to control it, i went balistic on the phone via text yesterday and today, and all because he couldnt give me a time when he was coming, and its a new relationship and its scaring him and he says am dangerous.
i just want to control it, its a pattern, its what i do.
i know why am like this because of something when i was 14, but i dont know how to sort it out.
i need dates, times, fixed things, and if that changes at all i go sky rocket.
if someone says they do something and they dont do it, i go really mad either verbally or via text/mail.
doesnt matter if they never done it because i done something to stop them like go mad.
its like you said you would do it, then its yes but you did this, and im like well.
its like i dont understand the consequences of me going off on one.
i never used to have panic attacks, and yet recently had two, its because i feel i have no control over my life anymore and am relying on others to control it/help me. i have no control over the fact that am in arrears, and no way of sorting it so could be homeless, and its its, just this depression has come along taken an intelligent attractive woman and turned her into an absolute arsehole, and i dont like her, i dont like her at all. there is no logic, no sense in anything i do.
Have to post quick or i read it back and delete it. so thats me, mental