I know when i am at my worst that is the thing, but i dont know how to control it, i went balistic on the phone via text yesterday and today, and all because he couldnt give me a time when he was coming, and its a new relationship and its scaring him and he says am dangerous.
i just want to control it, its a pattern, its what i do.
i know why am like this because of something when i was 14, but i dont know how to sort it out.
i need dates, times, fixed things, and if that changes at all i go sky rocket.
if someone says they do something and they dont do it, i go really mad either verbally or via text/mail.
doesnt matter if they never done it because i done something to stop them like go mad.
its like you said you would do it, then its yes but you did this, and im like well.
its like i dont understand the consequences of me going off on one.
i never used to have panic attacks, and yet recently had two, its because i feel i have no control over my life anymore and am relying on others to control it/help me. i have no control over the fact that am in arrears, and no way of sorting it so could be homeless, and its its, just this depression has come along taken an intelligent attractive woman and turned her into an absolute arsehole, and i dont like her, i dont like her at all. there is no logic, no sense in anything i do.
Have to post quick or i read it back and delete it. so thats me, mental