ms elle i feel exactly the same . i had a psychotic episode just after falling in love, i had dellusions about my mum trying to harm me and about how i found god , all this mad stuff. i was put on resperidone 4 mg , and have tapered down to 1 mg but i feel exactly how you describe, totally void of any emotion/feeling, total apathy , anhedonia , and i too had exactly the same thought about how i would take the crippling depression over this any day..... i was someone that loved going out , socialising , laughing , cooking , watching films/documentaries. played poker, (made 30k) , loved traveling , since the resperidone took effect this anhedonia did too and is 24/7 relentless . now all i do is sit in my house with my mum, i NEVER go out with friends, i have severe agoraphobia , i just sit on here looking for answers and just found you . if you want to chat , i private messaged you with my number, i also want someone i can relate to .