Is something wrong with me?

[Jewely]

I've looked around some parenting forums but don't feel I belong there.

My story:

I foster children under five, short term only, have done for 10 years.

I had three little kids for two years, the youngest was two and a half when I was told they were leaving to go to long term caregivers.

All good. But instead of a normal transfer that can take weeks so that I can slowly withdraw and the new parents can come in and bond it was done in two days. This was at the beginning of February this year.

The day they left the youngest little girl was clinging to me screaming no no no and terrified of going anywhere with strangers.

I was left shaking and sobbing in the gutter and since then have felt an overwhelming regret. Maybe I should have held on to her? Demanded she not go like this?

I can't look at things she played with and keep crying if I think of her for too long.

I feel panic, she is still out there and I have no right to contact her. Of course if I did she would be upset, if I wait until she forgets me what would be the point.

My panic is that the new parents would not stop and listen to what a cautious wee girl she was, no one would listen. I don't believe they cared about the kids or saw them as individuals or even as important.

I feel guilt, panic, regret, grief. Do I have something wrong with me or is this exactly what I should be feeling? When will it stop?

 

[Twylight]

Hi Jewely and welcome

No, I think anyone would feel the same

It proves that your a warm , caring, loving human being

 

[Jewely]

Yay

"No, I think anyone would feel the same
It proves that your a warm , caring, loving human being"

Oh well great, thank you for telling me...

[she smiles and takes a few steps backwards before turning and running screaming for the door]

 

[Jewely]

Joking

Sorry Twylight I was kidding, and thank you for your comments.

I really did think there was something wrong with me but maybe my life was just too easy up until that event.

Parenting forums seem to cater to every type of mum and every kind of loss but not much thought for caregivers as they arn't our children.

So why are you in here?

 

[Fedup]

Hello and to MHF

 

[Jewely]

<smile>

Hiya FedUp, I am so pleased someone wrote. My computer does some weird stuff it I try and log in, it wont let me.

I am not very good with computers so thought I'd never be able to pop back in until it worked through my e-mail.

Where is this site local to?