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Is social anxiety ever really gone?

B

BornGone

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Joined
Dec 26, 2019
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106
Location
Germany
Hey, I am 21 and had social anxiety for I dont know how long. 6 years of therapy and I am still not over it. I can write things online now and I don't avoid social gatherings anymore, sure, but I still got problems when talking to people. Even with friends.
My life can't continue like this. I should be more grown up and stronger but it is same shit everytime someone trys to do small talk with me.
Since I can't see Therapist for the next two years I got no other choice then to ask on the Internet for help.
I am currently working on my self esteem issues to not end up being bitter again. So thats a start. But I don't know how to work on my social problem.
Does anyone have any tips on how to tackle that problem?
 
N

NoOne5

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Joined
Mar 31, 2020
Messages
1,551
Location
USA
Sorry but I don't think it ever goes away. It's a life long illness that needs life long treatment. My psychiatrist even told me that I have to be bold and not let fear stop me. He never said be fearless. He said bold. I'm sorry you suffer with this. :hug:
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
5,092
Location
Canada
I realized I was socially anxious in high school. I still am over 30 years later. Drinking was my main coping tool over most of those years.
 
Z

Zoe1

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Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
18,796
Location
Nowhere
I think like alot of mental illnesses
this involves alot of ' beating ourselves up '
feeling we ' got it wrong '
because we are frightened of making mistakes
have become perfectionists
instead of ' being on our own side '

if you can allow for your own struggles
you find that everyone is struggling to some extent
with their shyness and insecurities


:hug:
 
B

blue spark

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 25, 2014
Messages
903
Location
Sunny England.
Hey, I am 21 and had social anxiety for I dont know how long. 6 years of therapy and I am still not over it. I can write things online now and I don't avoid social gatherings anymore, sure, but I still got problems when talking to people. Even with friends.
My life can't continue like this. I should be more grown up and stronger but it is same shit everytime someone trys to do small talk with me.
Since I can't see Therapist for the next two years I got no other choice then to ask on the Internet for help.
I am currently working on my self esteem issues to not end up being bitter again. So thats a start. But I don't know how to work on my social problem.
Does anyone have any tips on how to tackle that problem?
In short,no.
 
B

BornGone

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
106
Location
Germany
Sorry but I don't think it ever goes away. It's a life long illness that needs life long treatment. My psychiatrist even told me that I have to be bold and not let fear stop me. He never said be fearless. He said bold. I'm sorry you suffer with this. :hug:
My last therapist said the same thing. That the anxiety can't be taken away, only how I act and behave because of it.
Also I hardly find anyone on the internet who says that it is really gone. So I guess I need to find other ways to cope with it
 
B

BornGone

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
106
Location
Germany
I realized I was socially anxious in high school. I still am over 30 years later. Drinking was my main coping tool over most of those years.
Yeah, been there too. I used a lot of other drugs too to cope with the stress and shame.
 
B

BornGone

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
106
Location
Germany
I think like alot of mental illnesses
this involves alot of ' beating ourselves up '
feeling we ' got it wrong '
because we are frightened of making mistakes
have become perfectionists
instead of ' being on our own side '

if you can allow for your own struggles
you find that everyone is struggling to some extent
with their shyness and insecurities


:hug:
I am not as hard on myself anymore as I was a few years ago. But I still find it hard to not be able to talk properly to new people or strangers.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,206
I'm no Doctor etc. but I think you are on the right track when you talk about self-esteem. Personally I think confidence kills that sort of anxiety. In my opinion having the right role model who believes in someone, who that person also believes in can pay huge dividends (a therapist for example could be good progress). Improving social skills will mean mixing with others', but it needn't be something someone is consious of... Joining clubs, societies (on-line aswell) on topics that have interest will make all the difference. I wondered if drama classes might be a good way forward. It means working with others' to achieve a joint goal, while also improving Social Skills :) What worked for me on a confidence level was joining a Martial Arts group, it goes a long way in improving physique, being competent in handling confrontations and building self-esteem. Social interactions can be strained at times, which is why having shared interests makes things that little bit easier, and feel less awkward. Speaking of interests, if you are finding some of your knowledge is slightly lacking, do a bit of on-line research and broaden your knowledge base. Always having something to say will help :)
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,206
I also wanted to add that what helped for me was focussing on what I could do, rather than what I couldn't and making life as easy and stress-free as I could, always looking to build on those achievements when I felt comfortable and confident enough, but not before. Hope this helps :)
 
B

BornGone

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
106
Location
Germany
I'm no Doctor etc. but I think you are on the right track when you talk about self-esteem. Personally I think confidence kills that sort of anxiety. In my opinion having the right role model who believes in someone, who that person also believes in can pay huge dividends (a therapist for example could be good progress). Improving social skills will mean mixing with others', but it needn't be something someone is consious of... Joining clubs, societies (on-line aswell) on topics that have interest will make all the difference. I wondered if drama classes might be a good way forward. It means working with others' to achieve a joint goal, while also improving Social Skills :) What worked for me on a confidence level was joining a Martial Arts group, it goes a long way in improving physique, being competent in handling confrontations and building self-esteem. Social interactions can be strained at times, which is why having shared interests makes things that little bit easier, and feel less awkward. Speaking of interests, if you are finding some of your knowledge is slightly lacking, do a bit of on-line research and broaden your knowledge base. Always having something to say will help :)
I think I will try searching about stuff online. There is a lot I don't know.
Currently I am working out too but at a gym and on my own.I don't really feel confident enough to join a Club of anysort yet. Maybe in the future but not now.
What did you mean with the role model part?
Thanks for the tips though :) I really appreciate it!
 
B

BornGone

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
106
Location
Germany
I also wanted to add that what helped for me was focussing on what I could do, rather than what I couldn't and making life as easy and stress-free as I could, always looking to build on those achievements when I felt comfortable and confident enough, but not before. Hope this helps :)
This would be hard for me because I don't know what my strengths are. I usually only see negative aspects about myself and what I do.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,206
I think I will try searching about stuff online. There is a lot I don't know.
Currently I am working out too but at a gym and on my own.I don't really feel confident enough to join a Club of anysort yet. Maybe in the future but not now.
What did you mean with the role model part?
Thanks for the tips though :) I really appreciate it!
Just someone who can set an example... don't know if that's much of a help though...
 
M

ManDss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 22, 2018
Messages
1,005
Location
Argentina
I read ur messages on this topic and I see you are doing good on some things.

Could u think in the problems of soc anx u are having ?

How bad it is ?
Do u "freeze" with people, or just feel akward ?

If u dont have a freeze problem that is very good.

All u have are things u gonna have to work yourself.

Its hard to give u an advice without knowing u very well.

Lets say a normal situation, u encounter with some people, what would be the problem there ?
 
B

BornGone

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
106
Location
Germany
I read ur messages on this topic and I see you are doing good on some things.

Could u think in the problems of soc anx u are having ?

How bad it is ?
Do u "freeze" with people, or just feel akward ?

If u dont have a freeze problem that is very good.

All u have are things u gonna have to work yourself.

Its hard to give u an advice without knowing u very well.

Lets say a normal situation, u encounter with some people, what would be the problem there ?
Talking would be the whole problem. I usually answer with yes or no because my mind goes blank or I feel to stressed to answer. Especially if a stranger makes a joke and expects me to pick up on that.Everytime that happens I just feel stupid.
 
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