Is shyness and insecurity a problem for you?

amathus

amathus

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#1
Is shyness and insecurity a problem for you?
•Are you afraid of looking stupid in social situations?
•Do you worry a lot about what others think of you?
•Do you frequently avoid social situations or cancel at the last minute?
•Do other people seem to have a lot more fun than you do in social situations?
•Do you assume it’s your fault when someone rejects you or seems uninterested?
•Is it hard for you to approach people or join in their conversations?
•After spending time with others, do you tend to dwell on and criticize your “performance”?
•Do you often feel bad about yourself after socializing?

If you answered “yes” to these questions, this article can help.

Overcoming Loneliness & Shyness: Making Friends Even if You Feel Shy or Socially Awkward

(Helpguide.org)
 
RainbowHeartz

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#2
before this derealisation stuff, yes all of that applied

thanks for article

maybe i can help future self
 
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MarlieeB

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#3
Is shyness and insecurity a problem for you?

•Are you afraid of looking stupid in social situations? YES
•Do you worry a lot about what others think of you? YES
•Do you frequently avoid social situations or cancel at the last minute? YES
•Do other people seem to have a lot more fun than you do in social situations? YES
•Do you assume it’s your fault when someone rejects you or seems uninterested? YES
•Is it hard for you to approach people or join in their conversations? YES
•After spending time with others, do you tend to dwell on and criticize your “performance”? YES
•Do you often feel bad about yourself after socializing? YES

Umm I think my answer is yes maybe? lol
 
Crystalized

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#4
Yes to all questions.

Actually I wouldn't call my issue a shyness issue but more of a SHAME issue, which manifests into different directions. I am reserved, not so much of shy, but I can seem to be very shy for others. And GUILT too. So guilt - shame -guilt -shame, very vicious cycle, which makes me a very insecure person with super low self-esteem who appears shy and aloof.
 
BrianHorlicks

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#5
It used to be,
Never knew how to act,
I felt like,
I was on the outside looking in,
But,
Somehow never really knowing,
What people thought of me.
I was told I was shy,
But,
Now, I think that it was because I didn't know
How to fit in.
I got over this,
By,
Seeing people in their underwear,
And working in a major supermarket,
Where customers,
Would be talking to the uniform,
Not me,
Because,
I could be someone else,
And that really helped.
Now,
I don't care,
Not in a nasty way,
Just that at work I can be how I want,
And just have fun.
If I make a mistake,
It's not embarrassing anymore,
Just make a joke,
And carry on.
 
Per Ardua Ad Astra

Per Ardua Ad Astra

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#6
Yep, is the certain answer to all those questions.

I struggle socially, and various levels of avoidance, has been my primary way of dealing with it over the years :)
 
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TheRedStar

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#9
Yes to all of those questions, except the one about finding it hard to approach people or join in their conversations - that can be the case for me, but often isn't... really, it's a contextual thing rather than a global one. I'm not particularly shy as it goes, but I am very insecure.
 
pepecat

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#10
•Are you afraid of looking stupid in social situations? - Sometimes

•Do you worry a lot about what others think of you? - Not a lot, but sometimes.

•Do you frequently avoid social situations or cancel at the last minute? - Yes

•Do other people seem to have a lot more fun than you do in social situations? - Yes

•Do you assume it’s your fault when someone rejects you or seems uninterested? - Sometimes

•Is it hard for you to approach people or join in their conversations? - Oh yes.

•After spending time with others, do you tend to dwell on and criticize your “performance”? - Yes, and I worry that I've said something stupid.

•Do you often feel bad about yourself after socializing? - Sometimes


I find it depends who I'm with. If I"m with good friends who know me well, then I don't tend to worry about stuff. If it's people I don't know all that well, then I worry more. Like work colleagues, for example. I'm quite happy to work with them and talk about stuff at work - even chat about personal stuff at work - but socialising outside of work I find deeply uncomfortable-making.
 
E

existence

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#12
I don't feel awkward socially it's just there's nothing there, like someone has stolen all my thoughts and conversations, purely empty, nothing there.
 
PureSadness

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#15
Yes, i am so afraid to say something wrong so i barely say anything at all. I think i have had this problem since i was around 10 i think, made it hard to get friends because of it.
 
tabbykitten

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#16
isn't shyness social anxiety?
I’m not sure it is the same with me. I can talk to people, even strangers, but the anxiety of the unknown in social situations (and every other situation) is the problem for me. I do see what you mean though Helena.
 
pepecat

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#17
isn't shyness social anxiety?
I wouldn't say so...... I'm fine with people at work - especially one of the jobs I do where I have to be quite....um..... confident and friendly with people 'Hello Sir, madam, are you ok there, do you need any help?' all that stuff - answering queries and what not. I can do that no problem - it's 'easy' in my head becuase I'm not talking about myself. It's easy interactions related to the job I do and why they're there. So in that sense, I'm neither shy nor socially anxious.

I am generally more reticent in other situations, especially where I might have to talk about myself or reveal things about myself. Or if it's in something like a meeting, where I'm asked for an opinion, as I don't like (potentially) offending people or saying the wrong thing or something (in my head) stupid. I think maybe it's about control of the situation....... I'm kind of in control at work because I'm staff and have (or should have) the answers to questions. Whereas other situations where anything could happen is more......anxiety inducing.
 
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MarlieeB

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#18
I've always been shy, ever since I can remember and my family can remember but when I'm at work and have to deal with customers I put my work face on and go into a robot mode and deal with them. The thoughts still go through my head though.

I don't think that being shy and social anxiety is the same thing at all. I never had the social anxiety till my late teens.
 
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Helena1

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#19
have always though being shy was at the mild end of social anxiety. according to the dictionary shy means 'Nervous or timid in the company of other people'.
 
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MarlieeB

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#20
Yes but there are different types of shyness. I have always been very shy around people I don't know at all or people I barely see or if a stranger puts me on the spot but once I get to trust you the shyness goes away unless I am in one of those positions where I am with you.

It's hard to explain.
 
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