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is she the wrong therapist or is it me



New member
Jul 11, 2009
Its a bit of a long story and i'm a little worn out from talking at the moment so i'll try and keep it short as reasonably possible and just give you a bit of back ground. I suffer with anxiety and mild depression, which increases at times of stress. i was referred to a counsellor, to get assessed, who reffered me to CBT to cope with stress and anxiety. I advised on my first appointment that i felt i was in the wrong place and that i should be in talking therepy, but we conitiued for about 6-8 weeks to discuss issues , it was basically an extended assessment, she them passed me on to a therapist who i have been with for about 8 weeks.
I just dont feel comfortable, i dont know if its because i am very closed off emotionally so find it difficult talking about some stuff, or if its the therapist i'm not gelling with? I was ok with my CBT therapist and felt i could talk to her and really liked her, although we didn't start getting in to any thing deep till the last few sessions and i couldn't wait for it to end then. With my new therapist I feel i just go in and talk to a brick wall and leave and feel no different, whats she supposed to say, is she supposed to give advise or just listen?. I dont need somebody to make links from how i behave now to what happened to me as a child as i am pretty clued up with that my self, i just dont know what i need and i dont feel she's helping me. I dont want to move to another therapistas as if it is me then i'll have the same problem with who ever i see but i just dont know how to get the best out of these sessions? I suppose my expectation were that the therapist would ask more questions or show some human behaviour
Also i have been talking about my childhood and not getting on with my mum (to put it lightly) and sexual advances from her partners which i found uncomfortable talking about, but part of me thinks whats the point in talking as it wont change things. is this me disassociating from what happened or have i truley got over it, as it doesn't seem to bother me now. I know i may sould flippant about it , and i know how much the passed as shaped me as a person today but how will it help me, talking about it if i feel that it doesn't effect me in terms of daily life?
Also i'm really afraid to tell her something else that happened to me as i blame myself for it and i'll think she'll judge me. do you think maybe the fact that i'm concerned about her reaction alosng with the other stuff is a sign that she's not the right person.
sorry for all the questions:

Signed really confused


Go with your own feelings/intuition. Don't do/say anything that you are really not comfortable doing.

Therapists/counsellors & the such can vary a lot - most of them aren't much good IMO.

A lot does depend on the relationship; & how well you can interact with this person. It can be helpful to see certain patterns from the past, & where certain trauma started - so it can be released. But I don't think that going too deeply into the past is that healthy. & there are other psychological methods that don't go into the past - existential counselling methods, Jungian, & Trans-personal, to name a few. At the end of day it is just different perspectives. Does it help to know why I am unhappy? - or is it better to find ways of releasing the pain & hurt & focusing on being as happy & contented as I can be?
Last edited:


New member
Jul 11, 2009
Thank you for your respose. i think i have just lost sight of why i decided to embark on therapy as i was waiting so long due to getting lost in the system. i think your right in that it helps to link things but TBH i could do that myself, and it really doesn't matter anyway as the past cannot be changed. On the otherhand. i know if i gave up this oppotunity in a few weeks/months/years i would be kicking myself as i would have the need. MAybe thats the problem i dont have such an extream need right now to dredge up the past.

thanks again


We are all individual. I did finally find a good psychologist - 20 years after I first had psychosis! With the NHS. It was limited, & not nearly enough. But I have come to partly accept that the help, support, & psychological assistance that I have needed & wanted; has never really been there, & likely never will. That is the way it is.

I had seen three counsellors before this recent work with the psychologist - & all three of them were rubbish, & made me feel a hell of a lot worse. In fact all three of them contributed to breakdowns.

What has helped this year, seeing the psychologist, along with some other things, is some certain; & really quite simple perspectives, that I haven't ever really considered & seen before. Certain patterns & trauma that go way back to long before I was first unwell, & that I have never really acknowledged before. Before now I have always considered that the major stuff was when I got 'ill', when in reality - that was just a part, or an outcome of other things.

I tend to think that my recovery journey lies in things outside of the system, & any kind of orthodox or structured assistance. With people I meet, a book I read, day to day interactions & the like - My own activities. Much as I would love long term & comprehensive psychological help, a lot of social support, & structured assistance - These things are something I will likely never get. It becomes a case, (for me), of finding meaning; through personal responsibility - & for some things; I don't think that there is any resolution. It is simply a case of an ongoing effort to evaluate & accept certain conditions; as being stuff that I can't really do much about.

I posted this somewhere else. Someone replied this to me recently; & it makes a lot of sense -

It's so easy to be drawn into the idea of being "fixed", "cured", "better" etc...that I think people (professionals more so) forget that sometimes it's about being with the awfulness of it all... Living with the darkness, in my opinion, is part of living and to be alive.
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