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Is she a narcissist?

C

Cornflowerblue

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Aug 4, 2020
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36
Location
UK
Hi,

ive been fighting with my demons all my life, my misery and pain caused mainly by childhood trauma which I’m gradually coming to understand. for a long time my dysfunction always family was all that I knew to be normal. I’m 40 now and so much in pain from their emotional violence , the sadness is sometimes debilitating. I am mainly posting in the ptsd forum but o have a question for you folks here if anyone would be kind enough to answer me. I have come to suspect my sister is a narcissist or has very high narcissistic traits. Either way I was gobsmacked when I read the symptoms of this disorder online, it was like somebody had met her and written the description. I have never been able to trust my instincts because I have been told I’m wrong and to blame all my life. Invalidated in favour of my sister by my mother that’s why I will list only those traits here which I know to be true from my own experience of my sister if anyone can confirm my thoughts. I just don’t trust myself if no one validates what I’m thinking but I’m desperate for things to make sense now, some ray of hope that despite doing everything right and having a good heart, I was abused for no reason at all.


She is a narcissist because:

She needs to be superior, right, or in charge all of the time.

She has to be the boss. You are for her or you are against her.

She can never be in the wrong, she has never said sorry over anything Ever.

She can never be criticised, her motives can never be questioned in the slightest or there will be no explanation but full blown narcissistic rage.

Any kind of dissent or disagreement is badly received and results in fighting or cold dismissal and complete cut off to punish the dissenter.

She can never openly discuss feelings or agree to see her part in any problem. If you try to tell her what you feel respectfully or ask for a minimum of understanding in the humblest way it is rejected.

She is surrounded by ‘yes people’ who bite their tongues , people indebted to her, people who want something from her and people she controls for one reason or another.

She is highly social, extroverted and thrives on admiration and has a very large circle of ‘friends’ , followers and admirers. People must treat her with the respect she ‘deserves’.

She is entitled and will expect you to bend to her wishes if necessary. If you don’t open a room in your house for anyone she will ask you to open it for her. If you don’t there’s something wrong with you. You are unreasonable. Boundaries really get up her nose.


As a last resort or with people ‘inferior’ to her she has a black belt in arguing and tries to sound extremely logical matter of fact but is terribly devoid of feeling or softness and can say extremely cold and unkind things.She can also be very nice and generous too to bring you in her debt which causes confusion and imbalance in people like me. You MUST accept her kindness and in return do as she says or she will make you look ungrateful.


She is patronising, overbearing and dominating. Her issues are real and important. Your issues are due to being overly sensitive, stupid or selfish. If I tell her I’m sick and overworked mum of two it annoys her I need to get over it and visit or video call when she wants me to. She is a child free artist and simply does not get it.


Her choices sometimes appear to be cold, calculating and callous under the guise of expediency and practicality


She shares very little personal or ‘real’ info about her personal life or feelings.
She probably feels sad, lonely and empty at times but will not allow ‘ordinary’ people in.


she is very interested in showing people what a ‘good‘ person she is.


Guys I would be grateful if you can tell me if I’m right or wrong. I need closure after all these years of not knowing why I can’t behave in an acceptable way with her unless it complete compliance, no matter how infrequently we meet. We live in different countries but she supports and controls my old sick parents. She controls everything. I’m afraid if I don’t welcome her in my home for weeks etc. She will restrict my access to my parents. Any advice would be appreciated too.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

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I can understand you want closure but only a psychiatrist can diagnosis her. It is so unfair she has control over you seeing your parents. That is not fair on you to have to have such a toxic person in your life. I really am sorry.
 
C

Cornflowerblue

Active member
Joined
Aug 4, 2020
Messages
36
Location
UK
I can understand you want closure but only a psychiatrist can diagnosis her. It is so unfair she has control over you seeing your parents. That is not fair on you to have to have such a toxic person in your life. I really am sorry.
Thankyou , I’ve never been able to trust my feelings or what I think so I just need someone to help me see what I’m faced with X
 
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Cornflowerblue

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Aug 4, 2020
Messages
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Location
UK
How is your therapy going?
It’s going ok, thanks for asking. I cry every time I speak to the therapist which surprises me as I‘m not a crier. So ive started keeping tissues when I speak to her. The therapist understands I’m very sad, not angry just so sad as if I’m grieving for my family. My father is ill, my sister is moving my parents to her city where my mum doesn’t want to live, not yet anyway while my father is still alive. She has blocked me on all media. How will I know if my mother is sick or dying one day. She enjoys doing this and pretends to be a Victim. I have apologised for any real or imagined slight a thousand times I don’t know what she wants or what I’ve done ,it’s ludicrouS.
 
C

Cornflowerblue

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Aug 4, 2020
Messages
36
Location
UK
Her control is complete... I’m an outsider. The only mistake I made is ask my mother to tell her to visit me for one week rather than two after my baby was born last December as she went around visiting her friends. She has taken it very badly and said I should have spoken to her directly she would have been fine. I know that couldn’t be further from the truth. She would have raged and coldly blocked me then too for having a voice. I had post partum depression and anxiety I couldn’t handle her long visit or have the courage to bring it up directly. She sees NO reason why anyone should be afraid of her reactions 🤦🏻‍♀️
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

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It is understandable to cry as you are talking about very painful things. It is shocking your sister is stopping you from seeing your mum. It is such an abuse of power. Is your mum unable to refuse to move?
 
C

Cornflowerblue

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Aug 4, 2020
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It is understandable to cry as you are talking about very painful things. It is shocking your sister is stopping you from seeing your mum. It is such an abuse of power. Is your mum unable to refuse to move?
She financially supports them and controls their money too. They are old and my mother has always been putty in her hands. My mother created this person and now has to face her. I feel so sad.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

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That really is so sad. I know it will be so hard for you not to be able to see your parents.
 
C

Cornflowerblue

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Aug 4, 2020
Messages
36
Location
UK
I wonder if anyone else can share their opinion too? Thanks in advance, it would really help X
 
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