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Is shame part of your social anxiety?

jajingna

jajingna

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I feel like it is for me. Not sure what I feel shame about. Have posted about it before, but don't understand it. It's like a deep buried feeling that I'm rarely in touch with. Kind of scary or painful to look at I guess. Where it came from, I don't really know. Maybe my parents? Maybe it's just part of the culture I was raised in. Maybe too much blame and criticism. Too much judgement, not much understanding? I don't really know.
 
Tawny

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Yes

I have figured out where it came from in my personal life but can also see that much of it comes from our culture too.

There are adverts on TV at the moment, where children who were abused have been 'strong' and overcome any mental health problems, danced their way out of pain or thrown themselves in to a type of work. I can see how this advert might help some, but i also think it is harmful to those who cannot 'pull their socks up'.
 
Q

quilteddown10

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I feel like it is for me. Not sure what I feel shame about. Have posted about it before, but don't understand it. It's like a deep buried feeling that I'm rarely in touch with. Kind of scary or painful to look at I guess. Where it came from, I don't really know. Maybe my parents? Maybe it's just part of the culture I was raised in. Maybe too much blame and criticism. Too much judgement, not much understanding? I don't really know.
Without a doubt. And I know exactly where it comes from and why.

I had become so accustomed to it that it is only recently that I have actually sat down and had a long hard stare back at it.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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I wonder how big a role it has played all along from behind the scenes. Sometimes I don't/didn't understand my behavior, and wanting to understand it better, you look for reasons or causes. Or you ask, why am I like this? What's going on? There's got to be something behind it. I suppose shame is a piece in the puzzle, not sure how big or small it might be. It's mixed in with other pieces.
 
T

turnitoffandonagain_again

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There are adverts on TV at the moment, where children who were abused have been 'strong' and overcome any mental health problems, danced their way out of pain or thrown themselves in to a type of work. I can see how this advert might help some, but i also think it is harmful to those who cannot 'pull their socks up'.
I haven't seen those adverts (probably because I don't have a TV!) but that seems an issue in general. It's why I sometimes wonder if things like the paraolympics, or all the rich-and-succesful celebs who talk about their 'mental health', can be counter-productive.
 
JessisMe

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I have a lot of shame as a result of my mental illness and many of my behaviors associated with past manias. I shy away from letting people get to know me because I know my reputation and that I am damaged goods. There is a lot this shame shales in my daily life. It’s sad really but I guess I don’t think that should change. xo, j
 
Tawny

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I haven't seen those adverts (probably because I don't have a TV!) but that seems an issue in general. It's why I sometimes wonder if things like the paraolympics, or all the rich-and-succesful celebs who talk about their 'mental health', can be counter-productive.
I agree with you on the paralympics, because they are a minority of people with high levels or support and money as well as ability. Their mental health seems good too and that isn't the case for many who have disabilities.
 
Q

quilteddown10

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I have a lot of shame as a result of my mental illness and many of my behaviors associated with past manias. I shy away from letting people get to know me because I know my reputation and that I am damaged goods. There is a lot this shame shales in my daily life. It’s sad really but I guess I don’t think that should change. xo, j
You can at least hide 'it' from others if that's what you choose 🙂
 
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Keesha

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Absolutely IS for myself. I don’t wish to explain why. I’ve been explaining stuff my entire life and I no longer wish to do that
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Was watching a video about avoidant personality disorder, seems like an extreme case of social anxiety, maybe a bit different, and one comment mentioned it being "shame-based" along with borderline PD and perhaps other things .. .. maybe shame is a common thing for many sufferers of these difficult conditions. It can make social interaction difficult with such feelings about yourself and your own self-worth. A fear of negative evaluation from others can be part of it too, and some of that comes from already having a low opinion of oneself.
 
Q

quilteddown10

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Was watching a video about avoidant personality disorder, seems like an extreme case of social anxiety, maybe a bit different, and one comment mentioned it being "shame-based" along with borderline PD and perhaps other things .. .. maybe shame is a common thing for many sufferers of these difficult conditions. It can make social interaction difficult with such feelings about yourself and your own self-worth. A fear of negative evaluation from others can be part of it too, and some of that comes from already having a low opinion of oneself.
'Shame'' is a social emotion and is a form of social control with deep evolutionary roots.
 
NoNameRequired

NoNameRequired

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Oh yes, in fact, my nickname here was going to be ShameMan or something of the sort, glad I didn't went with it, it would have been shameful.
 
Wishbone

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It's kinda cyclical isn't it. We're encouraged to talk about our problems but the fact is that the average Joe that has never experienced depression/anxiety/psychosis/mania [delete or add as appropriate] cannot sit there and nod along and understand you. Instead, they unwittingly show you that they're uncomfortable. So you shut up about it, keep it hidden in future and wish you'd never opened your mouth. Hiding it makes you anxious and shameful about it potentially coming up in future...and so on and so on.
 
wednesday addams

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Yes, I'm ashamed of a lot of things. Sometimes I think to myself well I never murdered anyone so I can't be all bad. Doesn't help though.
 
Bluejay7500

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Some people experience shame even without trauma. But I think trauma comes with a bit of shame. Anytime you are wrinkled in your past with an emotion it is also followed by another emotion..shame is difficult thing to explain as in, the weight of your problems emotional can all ball up and cause or feel like shameful.


  • The four different kinds of shame.
  • Unrequited love. Showing love and being rejected. ...
  • Unwanted exposure. Basically being shamed publicly. ...
  • Disappointed expectation. Not achieving something you set out to do. ...
  • Exclusion. Being left out of a situation

I can think of more reasons then that. I think shame arises in different emotions. Like initially I feel sad but after a few more hours I feel shame. It’s really a progressive emotion. But then again does sadness also “lead” to happiness.

For me I think I can make a list of things I feel shameful for and improve it
 
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