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Is PTSD related to a bad childhood and in result the reason for adult tantrums?

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Lovely89

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Joined
Jul 15, 2020
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2
Location
Illinois
**Possible Trigger Warning - Discusses Childhood Trauma**
My boyfriend is diagnosed Bipolar and PTSD. He had a bad childhood. I’m not going to list everything that happened to him but one of those things I believe is the reason why he behaves the way he does with me (or anyone for that matter).

If he asks me for something and I say no, he used to go into a rage but now he has started to give me the silent treatment instead. For example, two weeks ago I got a new phone. I was using my fathers galaxy note 9 beforehand. My boyfriend used to have that phone but he broke it and now he uses his moms which he has completely taken over. When I got a new phone, he asked if he can have the galaxy note 9. I said no because it is not mine, it’s my dads extra phone. In the past, I have given my boyfriend an iPhone but that was mine to give away.

Ever since I bought a new phone and said no to giving away the note 9, he has hinted how his current phone is suddenly not working well. That’s a lie. So because that didn’t work on me, he decided to make up an even bigger story just the other day saying his sister pays for his phone and she has threatened to disconnect the phones. That he will need to give it back and if I had only given him my old phone, this wouldn’t have happened. I said well that’s not my property to just give it away. He said he knows. I said ok why don’t you go to Walmart and get a phone for the time being until you can afford a nicer one that you want? That’s when he responded with a “gotta go.” He says that when he doesn’t like what he heard.

One time he stopped talking to his own sister because she wouldn’t give him $20. He told me he doesn’t like hearing the word “no” and that all he’s ever been told was no. That his step dad would buy him a toy and give it to his brothers instead or not buy him anything. I told him that sometimes in life people cannot afford to help. That his sister has given him money every week and he has a job. That it’s hurting her as a single mother.

Is this something I should take personally or is this a result of his PTSD, being told “no?” He has a toy collection. Mainly Marvel stuff. He never opens them, they’re just organized nicely and take up all the room he has in his bedroom. He has always collected toys and I know it’s because he could never have any as a child. So, maybe I am being way too hard on myself by thinking he doesn’t love me or is using me when really he is just behaving this way because of the PTSD or Bipolar. Since he does react this way towards everyone, not just me.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
3,544
Location
Nashua NH
To me it doesn’t sound like bipolar or ptsd here.
It sounds like a stubborn and self centered person making excuses so they can continue to be stubborn and self centered. It also sounds possibly a spoiled person who is very good st getting other people to give to and do for him. I would do what you are doing and ignore this poor behavior. Regardless of what happened in your boyfriends past he gets to choose how to behave well and how he treats people. Continue to keep your expectations and your boundaries. It is the best possible approach to the situation. We are rooting for you. xo, j
 
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singingspringtime

Member
Joined
Jul 21, 2020
Messages
23
Location
england
I agree with the previous poster, but it could possibly be that the word ''no'' is a trigger word for him. In much the same way that the word ''car'' could be a trigger word for someone that was in a bad car accident.
Ultimately though he needs to learn that he can't get his own way all the time, and that other people are just as important as he is.
Is he in any kind of therapy at all and if not, would he try it out?
Is he approachable for a rational discussion about the manipulation he's putting you and others through? - in a calm moment when he's feeling less resentful about not getting his own way, could you explain to him that because you love him, him giving you the silent treatment and manipulating you in this way, feels hurtful?
 
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Purpleplum

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Feb 7, 2020
Messages
715
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U.S.
PTSD can be due to experiences as a child or as an adult. It's not only childhood trauma.
 
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