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Is normal to have never had a relationship?

L

Lionheart

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Joined
Feb 29, 2008
Messages
305
Location
Haslingden, Rossendale, Lancashire.


I don't know!?

It is not for the want of trying but I never have had a girlfriend. I did try to go out all the time and be socialiable but I have never found a girl. They say there is someone out there for everybody but I don't know what to do to increase my success, all my friends say I am a nice guy but I don't beleave them because of my problems. I am trying to be more confident to not look to despirate. If a girl does approch me I have said 'I have to go now', why am I so afraid of having a girlfriend! I want to look confident but I am so afraid of something I can't put my finger on it, all my friends have girlfriends but I really cannot get one and if I do will I run away as alway's!?

Does anybody else run away from being approached or have done, or is it just something I can't stop doing?

I mean what if it was joke by a few people to make me look worse when a girl comes over, what if I come accross as too confident or despirate? :unsure:
 
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A

Apotheosis

Guest
I identify with all this. For the past almost 12 years I have been single. I have spent one night with someone a few years ago, & got friendly with a girl who I kissed in hospital around 10 years ago, but that's all. You are not alone with this stuff;.

In the past it was a different. At school I had girlfriends, nice ones. Up until I was 25 I had a number of relationships. Since then I have some kind of block around it all. I do have female friends, & I do chat with women. But there is a fear, a lack of confidence, a strong resistance to intimate/romantic relations with women. I don't exactly know why that is. I was very hurt by my last relationship, & maybe there is some block about not wanting to be hurt again? The idea of a loving relationship, a good companion, is paramount to me, it is something that I think I would like more than anything. But there never seems to be that connection with anyone, things never progress anywhere.

Maybe we do have a soul partner; that there is someone out there for us?

Maybe we both will meet people?

No one knows the future or what is around the corner. Many things have happened that I could never have envisioned happening. But I get utterly hopeless about all this too.
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
When I was drinking a lot & taking drugs - I lost all hope of ever stopping. I've been following recovery for 8 years, & after a slight lapse, I'm coming up 2 years T-Total again. It's a miracle really. It's something I never thought would happen - & it did.

A friend a while ago said to me that when I do find someone, then it will be so much better; for the pain & loneliness that I have gone through. There is that way of looking at it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLXVlaSmaug
 
Cal

Cal

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Apr 14, 2008
Messages
339
Location
South West Scotland
i can relate to this, i've never had a girlfriend either and i get friends saying i'm a really nice guy (which always makes me worry cos i think does that mean i'm ugly or boring or some other reason why i don't get girls), but i think the real reason i end up alone is because i'm useless at socialising, i can count my friends on my fingers and that includes ones i don't like that much, and i don't get out enough. i also worry because people say you base your relationships on your parents and my earliest memory is my only one of them together and it was the end of their relationship when they had a big fight. I think though that there has to be someone out there for everyone because everyone is different so there has to be at least one (maybe hundreds or thousands :D) who think you're perfect, i guess all you have to do is find them.
 
N

Nutter_09

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Joined
Mar 11, 2009
Messages
136
Location
Middlesex
Hi,
I was single for years and yeats. My longest relationship was when I was 15 and it was just a silly crush. BTW I am female and 23. I was a virgin up to when I was about 21/22?!?!?!?! And I was soo depressed at the thought. All my friends were in relationships or off sleeping with someone or other.
I finally had sex after a random night out clubbing. Met some horrible bloke, he offered and I ended up back at his.
I didn't regret it at the time, i just thought "get it over with"
A year later I met my wonderful boyfriend through a friend.
He was soo sweet and waited till I was ready. once we had been together a while we had the "how many partners" chat. He was really surprised when I told him and said he whiched I had waited till I met him.
I still don't regret it, though It would have been grreat to wait, but yuo just never know.

Sorry! gone on and on! I think you just need to find confidence in yourself, dont worry about what others think and just try and meet people. My mum always said to go places you enjoy to meet people. Take up a sport or hobby, go to BBQ's and partys and just be yourself.
 
Sophie

Sophie

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Joined
Feb 20, 2009
Messages
3,214
Location
Spain
Hi Lionheart,
You are a lovely, kind caring person. You will make a fantastic husband for the right girl. I don´t know how often you go out, or where you go when out. Love finds us in the most unexpected places, and times. I went through a phase where I was not meeting anyone, I used to come home and think, that was a waste of time. I think sometimes, you can try to hard to find someone.
 
intelgal

intelgal

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Mar 17, 2008
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1,413
Location
Yorkshire
Sound just like me....

I get fed up of people telling me to stop looking and the right person will just come along! ahh well...

Plus all friends being in relationships to ... makes me so jelous somtimes:cry:

So i know exactly how you feel
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
Love moves in very mysterious ways, I am a firm believer in that there is someone for everyone.

You have to be ready in yourself and be able to love your self before you can love some one else, I was 33 when I met my soul mate though I have had other relationships nothings ever been like the last 15 years of my life.


Love is the most wonderful drug, I alwys thought of my self has ageek n yet quite clearly I was/am very good looking. sometimes It was difficult to meet someone when I was younger because I didnt have the confidence to chat someone up.

However it isnt all all easy going there can be some real difficuties/strugles when you have health conditions.
 
dib4uk

dib4uk

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Joined
Jul 23, 2009
Messages
2,182
Location
south london,england
Ahhh yeah i actuarly relate to all of your stories :)

I'm 34 years of age and have only once had a boyfriend, but that was by accident and for the majority of the time i was angry and snappy at him....

But yeah i know exactly what you all mean, its not easy is it?

Most of the time i dont bother looking- whats the point? and the other half of the time I think i'm super sexy and every man and woman in the world wants me.... and then i end up having unsafe sex.

Relationships take time, but the most important relationship a person can ever have is with themselves.


Keep strong people!!
 
ms_P

ms_P

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Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
3,067
Location
BeNeLux
"Normal"?

Normal is just every experience possible divided by itself. I can't stand 'pigeon-holing' and stereo-types.
You are who you are. If you need something or someone in this life, you may or may not find it.
I've had several realationships, been married as well, and I dare say I'm happier to be alone.

Just wanted to share my pov (point of view).
 
T

The "Great" Depression

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2009
Messages
3
Location
Cumbria
I'm 23 and have only had 1 girlfriend for just over a year which was a a long time ago now, I've always been intimidated by women i suppose. I used to be happy being single as i knew there would be no complications and would be able to concentrate on studying for my degree.

Now in recent years being single has become the major factor of my depression. It doesn't help when your brothers have no problems getting girlfriends. Christmas and other holiday periods have become increasingly depressing when they bring their girlfriends to our parents home or just talking about them. Being depressed and reclusive doesn't really help.

Maybe one day huh.
 
anxietycat

anxietycat

Member
Joined
Oct 3, 2009
Messages
18
Location
UK
I find that http://www.okcupid.com/ is a good place to meet alternative or unconventional people. It's free to use and you can make a great-looking profile. I met my boyfriend of two years online, so I definitely recommend it.

It can be really tough when all your friends are in relationships and you're not. I suppose what I'd do is just focus on the good things I do have and the things that do make me happy. For example, it's rare that peanut-butter toast doesn't put a smile on my face, however dark things seem.
 
Sophie

Sophie

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Joined
Feb 20, 2009
Messages
3,214
Location
Spain
My son will be 29 this week, and he has never had a girlfriend. He is very shy to start with, but then he gets a little bit of confidence and starts to talk more. Perhaps girls find this off putting, or they think that he is not interested.
 
A

Angel Feather

Active member
Joined
Feb 9, 2009
Messages
30
me too

yeah i've never had a relationship either .... i dont know why not ..... maybe shyness puts people off dunno
 
thing fish

thing fish

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Joined
Oct 1, 2009
Messages
150
Location
ohio
i've had two relationships and was hurt/crushed both times. i seriously doubt i will ever be in a happy relationship again......i can't allow myself to be hurt again
 
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