Is my roommate on the autism spectrum/ how can I deal with him?

C

chris__

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Joined
May 18, 2019
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5
Location
Florida
So I'm in a doozy. Heres the backstory to my situation: Back in October, I transferred down here to major in music production in a school in Florida. This school doesn't have any dorms, so before coming here, I had to find someone off the roommate list that they provided, so they would sign a lease on an apartment with me. So I find this dude who seemed a little off (judging from his instagram) but after talking to him over text for a couple weeks he seemed pretty ok. I just figured he would be a little shy and nerdy but that was fine with me because I didn't mind someone who keeps to themselves at the time, my last roommate, though he brought a lot of fun into my life and we were good friends, was way too loud, partied too much and we got into a lot of arguments. So I really wouldn't have minded peace and quiet for a year when I'm in my own space. I asked him all the essential roommate questions: will you help keep the place clean? - he said yes, are you cool with meeting new people and socializing? - he said yes etc... so he seemed like a good fit for me and plus he seemed to be passionate about music like I am so that was a plus.

Fast forward to when we move in:
he and his parents come in the apartment while me and my parents just finished moving all my stuff in. I was really thrown off. This kid was totally different from what he made himself seem. As his parents were talking to me i look over at him and he is sitting there with his bushy hair and drumming excessively loudly with his hands and thats when I knew ok yeah this is not gonna be fun living with this guy. He was trying to avoid eye contact it really weirded me out. For the first week we were moved in I never really saw this guy outside his room and rarely heard noise from him. I was just already creeped out. Weeks go by i get him to go to walmart with me he acts really uncomfortable, he seems nervous around me like I'm gonna attack or something... We can't communicate on ANYTHING because he just acts so weird about everything. He seems extremely insecure like on an abnormal level like I say hi to him on campus when I see him, half the time never get a response from him he even acts so fucking weird when I say hi to him in the parking lot of our apartment complex, he acts like I'm not supposed to be talking to him or something. He gives this vibe of nervous energy and like he's hiding something it's really uncomfortable.

There were a couple times when I got him to open up sort of but he only talks about certain things that interest him like types of cars and guitars he likes. I just don't understand why he acts so weird around me and hides from me in his room and we've been living together for almost 8 months now its getting really really old. I was so nice to him I cooked for him and did a lot of nice things for him so I just don't get it. But what really pisses me off is he is absolutely disgusting his room is right next to the front door and u get wafs of body odor coming from it right when you walk in. He never closes his door when he leaves so you can see all his clothes everywhere and dishes he just leaves on the floor it's gross. I went into his bathroom to see if it was as dirty once and it was he put empty mountain dew cans on his towel rack..... When he cooks theres he just leaves grease everywhere and he gets pieces of food stuck under the stove tops WHICH started a tiny fire one time by the way. I'm CONSTANTLY cleaning up after him. He literally puts dishes around the sink instead of in it... who the fuck does that. Its the weirdest shit I've ever seen. He is late paying a lot of his bills and half the time doesn't reply my texts when I ask him to. Hell make up excuses like "oh im sorry just saw this text venmo stopped giving me notifications" Or hell have an actual problem with it like it didn't work or something BUT HE DOESNT FUCKING TELL ME THAT THERE WAS A PROBLEM AND JUST LEAVES ME TO ASK HIM AGAIN FOR HIS PAYMENT ON THE BILLS like dawg... it got to the point where I couldn't afford him being late on bills anymore so I sent him a paragraph text calling him out for it so he stopped being late.

The weirdest thing thats ever happened is I had enough of the kitchen being disgusting after telling him to clean up after himself multiple times on text. So I firmly yelled his name so he'd come out of his room. I point out all the messes he left everywhere and this kid had the audacity to try to tell me I did it... I just stared at him because I couldn't he would try to pull something like that... I told him to clean up after himself and his lip started quivering and he looked like he was about to cry honestly he told me he had been leaving shit out because of his "depression" but I had been going through something really bad myself and I don't blame my depression on stupid shit like that... made me even more pissed off that he threw that term out there like that so I told him "clean this nasty shit up thank you." Went back to my room and shut my door. I felt bad after even though I really didn't do anything wrong and I was in the right to tell him to clean up after himself. I got a pizza and told him on text he can have some if he wants and that I felt bad. Never got a text back from him and he reverted back to his ways of hiding in his room doing whatever the fuck he does in there and acting extremely nervous around me for no reason. It's just really hard to live like this it made it hard to have people over because they got so weirded out by him so I ended up not having any friends for months and it made me slip into a rut. The lease is up in september so I a few more months to go until I can FINALLY start over and get a new place with a good roommate. But I just really want to ask him if theres something I've ever said that made him feel uncomfortable around me but I have a feeling he won't react well to it. Is he on the autism spectrum? Like if he is am I justified to call him out for stuff? It's just been really hard to live with this kid like every second I'm riddled with anxiety anticipating whatever weird interaction comes next. His parents never mentioned ANYTHING about him being like this by the way and just kind of left me to deal with it myself. Also how should I bring up the fact that I'm not planning on renewing the lease and I'm gonna move out when its over and when should I do it?
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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9,310
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basketville
Yeah it sounds like something is definitely not right. But like you he is trying to get along in life. only with him it takes a mammoth task just to manage the basic’s of which we all take for granted and I wonder if he has any idea or even if he has a diagnosis.

Can you maybe swat up on what it is and find ways of reducing the obvious stress that he struggles with as he is constantly being triggered and yes I would find it as it irksome too but then I do know someone …and what you say makes me think hmmmmn I have always kept things simple and not to load stuff on them.

Its so difficult sharing a house with someone who has this difficulty and no I don’t have a name for it as in my day labels didn’t exist and folk just muddled on somehow.
 
C

chris__

Member
Joined
May 18, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Florida
Yeah it sounds like something is definitely not right. But like you he is trying to get along in life. only with him it takes a mammoth task just to manage the basic’s of which we all take for granted and I wonder if he has any idea or even if he has a diagnosis.

Can you maybe swat up on what it is and find ways of reducing the obvious stress that he struggles with as he is constantly being triggered and yes I would find it as it irksome too but then I do know someone …and what you say makes me think hmmmmn I have always kept things simple and not to load stuff on them.

Its so difficult sharing a house with someone who has this difficulty and no I don’t have a name for it as in my day labels didn’t exist and folk just muddled on somehow.
Thank you for your response. You're right, he does have it a lot harder than me/most it seems and that's something that took me a while to realize. After I posted this, I learned to accept that he has these issues and its on him to deal with it not me. I just wish his parents would've told me that he acts like this... Would've made it easier from the start. But after all he is just a roommate. He does make me uncomfortable a lot right now but I only have to live with it for a few more months before I can find a new place and a new roommate so I have that to look forward to. When I move out I won't give two shits about him honestly. But in hindsight there really isn't anything I can do right now so might as well just move on from it.
 
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