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Is it wrong to be cynical about people?

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naominash

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My husband and I had a roommate, his girlfriend, her sister, and his son staying with us for awhile.

That is, until he got drunk and assaulted my husband, wrecking and vandalizing the house in the process.

I'm becoming more wary of people in assessing their character.

Example: The sister's boyfriend is over. And I wonder why he works but doesn't have a car, wants to be over at our household with a 2 year old and three other adults, and met her online. I'm suspicious already about his maturity level.

Now he could be an ambitious, upstanding young man, who loves the sister and whatnot. But I'm cynical. So I think he's going to end up mooching off the sister and being a bum in general, being an immature influence for my husband.
 
G

Georgia May

Former member
It's good to be cynical, it means you won't be fooled by con artists. I have lost a lot of money and self respect over liars. They either want your money or your body and none of them are honest. The world is full of them. If you're naive you will only get used so it's best to never trust anyone because no one is trustworthy. You have to look after yourself because no one else will. I learnt that the hard way. Don't let yourself be fooled.
 
B

barmcake

Former member
I totally agree with georgia may. There are so many piss takers in the world praying on the weak. Don't do favours or trust anyone until you've known them at least 2 years. Con artists are always charming because they have to be. Never tell people too much about yourself and go by gut instincts. I find genuine people are often the most difficult to get to know and the gushing friendly ones are usually the gossips. Learn to say 'no' and not feel guilty. Do what's best for you.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Golly... maybe that's a good attitude to take for a woman, but men tend to be more cautious as a rule, and I'm very careful lending people money anyway. Have rarely been asked for a loan and so have agreed only once or twice in my life. No moochers or con artists to be seen.

But I always find it sad to encounter cynicism. I think it creates kind of an expectation of bad behaviour in the mind of the cynic, and that tends to colour how you see the world. It makes it more difficult to stay positive.

I wish more people were brought up to always honour their word, to be honest and straightforward and upright in their dealings with others, and value self-sufficiency.
 
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Georgia May

Former member
I wish that too but it's not the way the world is.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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these folk do lift you up... but i have learnt to have these types of folk, if they come into my life. to kinda have them on a limited exposure of a time meter. i find them fascinating to watch as they pull folk in a bit like a spider and a fly.

we are all damaged goods to one degree or another and so i try to remember that when these folk breeze into my life.

when we know ourselves better we limit the manipulation these folk can have on us. i had a neighbour who was very toxic at times almost dangerous. but i learnt a lot from them. they also got that i wasnt someone who they could take the mick with. in regards to mind games. even now i still hear of some of the things they got upto and how the neighbours got sucked in. that is a decade later
 
G

Georgia May

Former member
Well I know myself better now and I know how manipulators work out your weaknesses. I think the last straw was when I was last seeing someone and even though I'm old enough to know better I was still falling for empty compliments and patter. He could see I was insecure and had low self esteem and as they say it was a case of any port in a storm. He didn't really go out and I suppose there was no one at his work who was so easily fooled so he settled for this idiot. He actually admitted to me that he only said the things to get what he wanted. I suppose I should thank him really because other men wouldn't have been honest enough to come clean. Really I think he was half laughing at my naiveté. I think it made me realise how easily manipulated I can be but it just showed me how little I thought of myself. It seems I never learn from my mistakes but now if someone says anything nice I'll be much more inclined to ask myself what they are really after instead of taking it as a confidence boost. Certainly if it comes from a man, given I'm not popular women don't tend to say positive things anyway. Also having been on social media I've come across so many men who I think read my profile (I didn't have any photos of myself at the time so it certainly wasn't about looks anyway) and saw I had mental health issues, worked out I might be easily manipulated and starting sending me X rated pictures and chatting with me purely to obtain citizenship in the UK. One guy admitted it but only after I asked him. Also I got involved with online psychics when I was feeling a bit low and they are really manipulative. While they might have a bit of a gift a lot of it is guesswork and they do say what you want to hear. Basically it's about getting you to chat as long as possible as it makes more money for them. Even if you tell them you have mental health issues and can have paranoia they will keep e mailing you to say things like someone is out to harm you. Luckily I wasn't paranoid at the time but if I had been that would have been the last thing I needed to hear. There's a million con artists out there to cater for everyone's weakness and it's a sick, sick world.
 
SoftRain

SoftRain

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i don't know if being cynical is wrong or not but it's smart. Changing to a cynical person though certainly didn't make me happy. The old saying ignorance is bliss is so true. I lived by the motto everyone is worthy of trust until they prove otherwise or to give people the benefit of the doubt. it never even occurred to me that a lot of people had an agenda of ill will or bad intent. Back then in my ignorance I had a much lighter happier spirit, smiled more and was glad to meet new people. I thought people were basically good.
Then the switch came. A series of events happened that changed the way I felt about people. During a family crisis, people who I thought were trustworthy, showed how selfish they were. I also experienced a couple encounters with manipulating people which shocked the crap out of me. Then it occurred to me as sad as it was, people are not trust worthy until they prove it. Their intent from the beginning was planned and of ill will to intentionally take advantage of either me or someone I cared about. I have never felt the same about people.
The authentic me believed in people with no doubts and that was a much happier place.
The cynical me became a necessity.
The authentic me was a trusting soul, I miss the innocence of believing the world is a kind place.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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georgia may

I'm old enough to know better I was still falling for empty compliments and patter.
my mother is my biggest teacher in this she is very good at playing me and i respond to it sigh..but i really have got to call time on this.

my mother was really observing me almost reading me quite frequently yesterday and i have my suspicions as to why.. sigh.. with knowledge comes understanding and having to put things/peeps into a place that they can no longer manipulate me. for some reason i just cant achieve this with my mother but i need to and will jot that down now as that will be my project for this year to start to clear away the bindweed.

He could see I was insecure and had low self esteem and as they say it was a case of any port in a storm. He didn't really go out and I suppose there was no one at his work who was so easily fooled so he settled for this idiot
as i explained above this is why its so important to work on yourself. because peeps if they can smell weakness will and do take the mick. but its not about being angry with peeps its about being wise with peeps and yourself

He actually admitted to me that he only said the things to get what he wanted. I suppose I should thank him really because other men wouldn't have been honest enough to come clean. Really I think he was half laughing at my naiveté.
no you shouldnt thank him he is playing you. he is reeling you in when he says stuff like that and then he can start the cycle of the manipulation over again.

I think it made me realise how easily manipulated I can be but it just showed me how little I thought of myself. It seems I never learn from my mistakes
ah just see him as a lesson in learning about peeps like him. pay attention cos as life goes on the lessons get more subtle! we always learn things be they good negative or indifferent. the real learning is changing this and that takes conscious effort

but now if someone says anything nice I'll be much more inclined to ask myself what they are really after instead of taking it as a confidence boost.
as we go through life we start to learn these things and if not the pattern keeps repeating. its always wise to be careful. i have learnt still learning.

social media I've come across so many men who I think read my profile (I didn't have any photos of myself at the time so it certainly wasn't about looks anyway) and saw I had mental health issues, worked out I might be easily manipulated and starting sending me X rated pictures
that is pure immaturity and disrespect social media is toxic media

Also I got involved with online psychics when I was feeling a bit low and they are really manipulative. While they might have a bit of a gift a lot of it is guesswork and they do say what you want to hear.
they are the worst type, cos, they smile whilst they are screwing you over mentally, spiritually and finacially.

There's a million con artists out there to cater for everyone's weakness and it's a sick, sick world.
yes and that is why i keep life simples. when you keep things simple then you can quickly see deceit in others. but if you are so distracted by the things of this world then ....

my thing is quality not quantity and i would soonest be alone than get pulled into the wiles of the sicko world that we live in
 
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naominash

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I have made a switch from innocent till proven guilty to guilty till proven innocent. I'm trusting my instincts more, since I never felt good about the roommate anyway.

After some thought, I've come to think that there's nothing wrong with knowing that people are cruel and manipulative very often.

It takes wisdom to know when to be guarded and when to open your heart with kindness. There's a time and a place for everything.
 
SoftRain

SoftRain

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I have made a switch from innocent till proven guilty to guilty till proven innocent. I'm trusting my instincts more, since I never felt good about the roommate anyway.

After some thought, I've come to think that there's nothing wrong with knowing that people are cruel and manipulative very often.

It takes wisdom to know when to be guarded and when to open your heart with kindness. There's a time and a place for everything.

Sounds wise.😁

If my daughter was dating a guy who had a job but no car, I would be questioning him. I have the tendency to come off like a pit bull lol. Subtle is very hard for me. I would think one of two things. He got in trouble and lost his privileges to drive... which wouldn't go over well....
Or he was a guy who couldn't afford a car but was ambitious enough to not let that stop him from moving forward and keeping a job... this would go over very well...
 
SoftRain

SoftRain

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In London, or other cities it is quite common to have a job without a car. It does depend where you live.

Oh yes, I always forget that, this forum in international.
Where I live it's more rural and public transportation is not available easily.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Interesting thread. I'd still say being cynical is not as good for your wellbeing as just being cautious.

cynical
ˈsɪnɪk(ə)l/
adjective
1.
believing that people are motivated purely by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity.
"he was brutally cynical and hardened to every sob story under the sun"
2.
concerned only with one's own interests and typically disregarding accepted standards in order to achieve them.
"a cynical manipulation of public opinion"

Being cynical means you have reached the point of distrusting others' motives just on general principles. Being cautious means you can still trust others, but you put up some sensible barriers before you trust them unequivocally.
 

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