N
Nicole
New member
- Joined
- Dec 21, 2009
- Messages
- 1
Hi,
I have never been diagnosed but I'm convinced I have bi-polar disorder. I get extremely depressed for weeks and months on end, losing my appetite for food, sex, being unable to sleep and constantly thinking about suicide. Then I come out of it and feel that life is great. But then months later I start to get randomly depressed again. But each time I pretend to EVERYONE that everything is ok - I joke, I laugh etc but inside I feel completely differently. I don't want to tell anyone because I'm worried they'll over-react or make a big deal out of it. I would love to commit suicide but I know I'm probably never going to go through with it because I'm too scared it will go wrong/will be painful. It's not death but dying that scares me. I also have people now who would be incredibly upset by my death so I know it would be selfish to kill myself no matter how much I'd love to. Yet all the while I have to live with this feeling of wanting to die and insomnia and loss of appetite etc. I go round in circles in my head thinking it'll do me better to tell my best friend but then I think it would be selfish to because it would worry him because he cares so much. Anyone who doesn't care I couldn't tell either because I don't trust them not to tell anyone else. I don't want to see a doctor or counsellor to talk about it coz sometimes all i want is a friend who can give me a hug. I also want my best friend to be able to understand how i really am. But i dont know if things would be different between us if i told him. I dont want things to change. I just want him to know. Not even to react. I don't know. Has anyone else been through the process of telling someone they love about feeling suicidal and can tell me how that person(s) reacted? Many thanks.
I have never been diagnosed but I'm convinced I have bi-polar disorder. I get extremely depressed for weeks and months on end, losing my appetite for food, sex, being unable to sleep and constantly thinking about suicide. Then I come out of it and feel that life is great. But then months later I start to get randomly depressed again. But each time I pretend to EVERYONE that everything is ok - I joke, I laugh etc but inside I feel completely differently. I don't want to tell anyone because I'm worried they'll over-react or make a big deal out of it. I would love to commit suicide but I know I'm probably never going to go through with it because I'm too scared it will go wrong/will be painful. It's not death but dying that scares me. I also have people now who would be incredibly upset by my death so I know it would be selfish to kill myself no matter how much I'd love to. Yet all the while I have to live with this feeling of wanting to die and insomnia and loss of appetite etc. I go round in circles in my head thinking it'll do me better to tell my best friend but then I think it would be selfish to because it would worry him because he cares so much. Anyone who doesn't care I couldn't tell either because I don't trust them not to tell anyone else. I don't want to see a doctor or counsellor to talk about it coz sometimes all i want is a friend who can give me a hug. I also want my best friend to be able to understand how i really am. But i dont know if things would be different between us if i told him. I dont want things to change. I just want him to know. Not even to react. I don't know. Has anyone else been through the process of telling someone they love about feeling suicidal and can tell me how that person(s) reacted? Many thanks.