Is it wise to tell someone who cares you feel suicidal?

[Nicole]

Hi,
I have never been diagnosed but I'm convinced I have bi-polar disorder. I get extremely depressed for weeks and months on end, losing my appetite for food, sex, being unable to sleep and constantly thinking about suicide. Then I come out of it and feel that life is great. But then months later I start to get randomly depressed again. But each time I pretend to EVERYONE that everything is ok - I joke, I laugh etc but inside I feel completely differently. I don't want to tell anyone because I'm worried they'll over-react or make a big deal out of it. I would love to commit suicide but I know I'm probably never going to go through with it because I'm too scared it will go wrong/will be painful. It's not death but dying that scares me. I also have people now who would be incredibly upset by my death so I know it would be selfish to kill myself no matter how much I'd love to. Yet all the while I have to live with this feeling of wanting to die and insomnia and loss of appetite etc. I go round in circles in my head thinking it'll do me better to tell my best friend but then I think it would be selfish to because it would worry him because he cares so much. Anyone who doesn't care I couldn't tell either because I don't trust them not to tell anyone else. I don't want to see a doctor or counsellor to talk about it coz sometimes all i want is a friend who can give me a hug. I also want my best friend to be able to understand how i really am. But i dont know if things would be different between us if i told him. I dont want things to change. I just want him to know. Not even to react. I don't know. Has anyone else been through the process of telling someone they love about feeling suicidal and can tell me how that person(s) reacted? Many thanks.

 

[*Sapphire*]

Hi Nicole

And to the forum.
I am sorry to hear that you have periods of feeling low and desperate.

I think it is best at the moment to try not to put labels such as bipolar on yourself at this moment in time, and just look at how your experiences affect you, and how best you can try to manage them.

Many people go through periods of depression and don't have a diagnosis of Bipolar.

Going to the doctors or seeing a counsellor is not for everyone, however I wonder if feeling so low that you would like to end it all (even though you say you won't) would be more of a fear than seeing a professional about all of this?

I have spoken to close friends about feeling suicidal, and I am careful about who I choose to say that to and how I choose to phrase it. Because yes sometimes like you I feel that way but do not want to act upon it but would like someone to just know how I am feeling and get it all off my chest.

I think if you tell your friend but are able to reassure them that you will not attempt suicide, that you have felt this way before but haven't done so. However are telling them because you need to let someone else know how you are feeling to get it 'out of your head' as it were then it might lessen their reaction to this.

But I will say that you should be prepared for them to suggest seeing a doctor or counsellor and maybe with some pressure to do so. For some people the thought of carrying your secret around with them alone might be too much for them, so again be prepared for your friend to want to offload onto someone else about this, and ask them if they feel the need to do so, and perhaps you can agree on another person to know in advance.

Going to the doctor is not as scary as it seems. I used to work in recruitment and I saw alot of CVs where people have suffered with bouts of depression, it is not so unusual. It may be that you have a physical problem that might be causing these bouts of depression. In women it can be related to hormones. So it might be worth going to see if there is something physically wrong at least.

Getting other things such as diet, exercise, sleep, relaxation and work and play in balance, as well as avoiding mood altering substances such as alcohol and drugs can also make a huge difference to your mood.

It might be worth also trying to work out when these bouts of depression occur, and if there is a trigger for them or a pattern. Asking yourself questions such as am I happy with myself, my life, my relationshops etc etc. Looking at all aspects of your life and how they might be impacting on your mood.

But you have made the first step, you have told people here. I hope that the support you receive from members here gives you some encouragement to tell someone you know about all this.

Take care
Sapphire x

 

[cloudberry]

Hi,

it is generally thought to be a good thing to tell someone you are feeling suicidal. I nearly always do. I did yesterday in fact. I find by sharing it I am less likely to attempt it. Less likely, not completely fool proof, but it helps.

So if you are lucky enough to have someone you can trust (not to panic) and can cope with hearing it, do reach out and tell.

Keep safe,

 

[ann]

hello Nicole

How brave you are to raise this and to put it so eloquently - the Awful Dilemma: can't stand being alive but fear of dying, effect on loved ones. It's called despair and it can fluctuate, I find, quite frighteningly so.

Yes, always tell someone. You will find out who is best for you. Right now you need real emotional support and non judgmental understanding. At some point, you may want to address the 'why do I feel so shit' with someone you feel safe with...

I find an excellent help is the Samaritans - number in phone book. They'll listen so wisely and never force advice. They can now also ring you back the next day (they'll leave a msg for someone in their team) if you like - this can feel so good.

It's a life line - quite literally. And they're there because so many other people feel just like you are, right now - and they choose to do this because they want to help you. All pretty good stuff!!!

I find different people are good for different occasions. There are those who are of the 'pull yourself together' variety who I need to avoid at the moment.

the other thing is that we can sometimes worry that we are burdening our friends. I've always done like you say - kept up the chirpy exterior to the point that I don't feel able/don't know how to say how I really am!

This is of course why there is professional help out there. But you may not want it, as you say.

Big BIg hugs
Ann

 

[a_wolf]

I too know these feelings, and I've been so many times to the point where I wanted a doctor, but didn't, just felt like I wanted a friend.

Be careful in your choice of whom you tell, but do tell. If we bottle our feelings inside too much eventually we will decide it's 'wrong' for us to have them, and it's not. What the others have said is all good advice, so I won't reiterate it too much

Second, I would advise seeing a doctor, even just your gp. Tell him/her ALL your symptoms/possible symptoms, write it down ahead of time if u must, so if you have stomach issues, pain, etc... Tell them that too. Even if you don't have any symptoms more than 'perpetual tiredness' they will want to run some blood tests to see if you have anything like hypothyroidism which is a purely fixable, often genetic, problem that is easy to treat with drugs like Levothyroxin (a synthetic version of the thyroid hormone).

That's as far as I got, but I'm going to the doctor on Tuesday to see if my Levothyroxin dose is too low and to spill the rest of the proverbial beans (I felt afraid to say everything to my male doctor, so I switched doctors and hopefully this works and I say everything I meant to the first time).

Good luck to you! I hope you feel better!

 

[ghost989]

My psychiatrist asked me if I'd talk to a professional the next time I felt suicidal, I nearly laughed!

I don't know how any of you feel but when I'm high I don't think I need help, when I'm low I don't want help... It's only when I'm level(ish) that I can admit that I need help.

I've thought about talking to my partner about it when I'm feeling suicidal but everything I try to say just embarasses me or comes out stupid. One of the things I struggle with is expressing my feelings normally so trying to explain that what I'd really like to do right now is drink a bottle of rum, climb into a hot bath and slit my wrists doesn't come easy.

Who do people talk to??? I can't pick up a phone and talk to a stranger, that frightens the hell out of me, I can't talk to my partner because the words won't come out.... ANY suggestions?

 

[*Sapphire*]

Maybe try writing your feelings in a journal on here ghost989. I have found that sometimes when I write some of my feelings on here it helps me find the words that evade me when I try telling someone in real life.

It also might help to let others around you to be aware that you do feel like this at times and how it feels and how best they can help you. But at the time of feeling it, it is hard for you to express.

Maybe rather than you having to go into detail about how you are feeling you can alert your partner by saying something that he will know means you are feeling suicidal like 'i feel low' or something. After a while they might start spotting some signals and you might not even have to tell them at all. My OH has, very often he will now ask if there is anything on my mind before I even think about saying something.

 

[a_wolf]

Yeah, I see what you mean, although, it's usually when I'm feeling buzzy that I'll flippantly tell someone that "oh, yeah, I felt like killing myself the other day". I have no idea why no one committed me in high-school b/c I usually run away if they seem shocked by the news. Gotta ditch the killjoys.

Seriously though, that's probably not the best solution if your moods change quickly and easily. I can send myself into a self-hating spiral by telling someone when I'm down.

That said, I have a friend who always tells someone, and it seems to help her. Her social worker said it was a good thing.

I used to write a novel with no deadline. The characters weren't me, but they became me as I wrote, and through them I got all my feelings out.