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is it relation ship OCD?

M

MANIJ

New member
Joined
Nov 16, 2014
Messages
3
Hi,
I am a 33 Y/O educated man. Since I was 18, i have had some problems. That was the time for my university entrance exam and I begun to feel obsession about some previously non-important things and I had guilty feelings about them. Few years ago I understood it is OCD. My recent problem is about my romantic relationship. I am married for about 6 years and I had a very unstable relationship with my wife. I don`t know these problems are related to OCD or not. Before marriage we had 3 years friendship, but I didn`t want to marry her because I thought she is not my ideal girl. It was just a friendship. At the time of proposal, I had so many doubts and these doubts have remained until now. I proposed her because she was a very good girl and I thought I could not find a girl like her. We didn`t had a good life in these years and most of the time it was a one-side relationship. She liked me but I did not know that I like her or not. We rarely had good time together. If there were not her sacrifices and passion, this life has been terminated long time ago. I had some problems with her appearance and in these years it remains with me. So many times we want to apply for divorce but we return together again. When she considers my requests about her appearance details (hair style, eye brow shape, height and …) thoroughly, I have no problem and at these situations I am happy and we don`t have problem. But just she has a flaw in her appearance I cannot tolerate and show reaction with ignorance. Most of the time of our marriage life spent with these situations and I always have been comparing her with other girls and I feel she is not THE ONE. She is a very very good girl has very good and special character but I don`t know I love her or not. And I have my problems about her appearance yet. It seems that this problem is not as severe as the beginning but it has remained. Please help me...
 

MarlieeB

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Jan 15, 2013
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:welcome: to the forum

So let me get this right, you married her not because you loved her but because you couldn't find anyone else as nice as her?

I think it's not that nice as her Husband to be asking her to change her appearance like you have been, no wonder her reaction is ignorance to you.

Put the ball on the other foot and she was telling you about how much she disliked your appearance, how would you feel? She may not show it or show it in a "ignorant" way but it must really hurt her when you ask her to change these things.

I think my main question is, why are you still with her? You clearly, in my opinion don't really love her as much as a Husband should, instead it seems to me that you are with her for convenience.

Marliee
 
M

MANIJ

New member
Joined
Nov 16, 2014
Messages
3
She was the only girl that i had long time relationship with. i had not experience and i thought is is very hard to find girl with this character. but after marriage i began to think about other girls an start comparison. Short time after marriage i thought it is a wrong marriage but i continue with her because of her personality. i told her everything but she wanted to continue so. may be i made misunderstanding.. i wae the one that ignore her because of her appearance, not her.
 
M

MANIJ

New member
Joined
Nov 16, 2014
Messages
3
Maybe i don`t know what love is. i don`t know according to which items i should love somebody. appearance? it should change in time, character? then why i don`t love my wife?
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 22, 2013
Messages
756
Location
Isle of Wight
Love is everything my friend. If you loved her, you would know it.

You need to decide where your heart lay? If you do not truly love her can you live that lie?

This must be awful for you, just be happy, whatever that means for YOU. It sounds like you are ticking off her good points and I'm not sure someone in love would do that?

I wish you well and hope you find your way through this
 
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