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Is it possible to fix this anxiety / depression?

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Solution2020

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I am going to try to keep this short. Whether I was born this way or was it a result of something like bullying, I finally seem to have figured out what actually is the problem.

It seems like throughout my life I have general lack of interest in things that a common person would do. I'd be sitting down a lot and thinking which leads me to believe that I have unique form of depression. Throughout my life whether it was work, school, etc, these activities were single points of interest on my mind that kept me going. Of course there was an after work relief such as video games, music, etc.

What I didn't realize is that those single points of interest can switch to a person, typically a woman that I felt as if we had a connection with, however, I was wrong. I seem to have been forming a "dependency" toward that person which would result in severe chest burn anxiety due to rejection or a loss of a relationship. I guess it's an enormous amount of fear that creates that chest burning.

For several years now I have constantly had that chest burn and my life has been rather bumpy, I am feeling rather down all the time unless I do have some sort of "dependency" it seems. And I still seem to be searching for it.

Is there a way to resolve this issue? I mean I did go to cognitive therapy for 3 weeks about 10 years ago but it didn't really help much.
 
Schwarzen

Schwarzen

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What I'm about to say is horrendously unscientific so take it with a significant grain of salt.

My personal opinion regarding this sort of thing is that we're essentially biological machines and therefore for something to come out (all the behaviors that are usually considered productive and part of a healthy life) then something has to come in, emotionally and mentally speaking.

That something I think it's usually called purpose or if you're horrible cynic like myself then call it the illusion of purpose.

For many people that sense of purpose is derived from just the idea of normalcy and routine set by your respective culture. So for example they motivate themselves to get through school, then go to college, find a job, get married, have children and so on. Perhaps none of those goals or activities by themselves are really meaningful for them but the value created by that collective, cultural consensus at least makes them believe that they are meaningful and so they manage to get through life. Even if the end the cracks on that idea start to show up.

Now there are people for whom that doesn't quite work for any number of reasons, maybe there's something biologically different about their brains, maybe they don't really manage to accept the culture they were born in, maybe something related to their upbringing, maybe a hundred other possible things. The point is that then you're faced with a somewhat awkward situation where you're supposed and expected to function and do all those productive, normal and healthy things but you're not finding that sense of purpose just by following the flow. It's like that façade of what life is supposed to be has been broken. So a lot of people find a very specific focus for that emotional need for purpose and meaning, often other people in romantic contexts but it can be a whole lot of other things, money, success, social status, sex, anything.

Some manage to make that work and sort of rebuild that façade of reality for themselves, for some others it doesn't work, maybe because that focus doesn't end up being fulfilling in the long run, because they lose it or because they still realize how artificial the whole thing is. I'd dare speculate that's the point you're at.

So what's the solution? I don't think there's any magical one.

Go for therapy and possibly get medication, with the understanding that medical science for this particular thing is in it's infancy compared to many other fields of medicine. So it may work or it may not do anything at all, with medication there's some risk it may cause some harm.

But here's the thing, there are no other possible solutions. Barring something completely personal and unique to each person that allows them to solve their particular issue. But if there's such a thing then nobody else is going to ever be able to point it for you.
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

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Hi and welcome.

You mentioned bullying. One of the long lasting effects of that is a diminshed belief that we are good enough as we are. Or sometimes worse: that we're worthless.

One thing that helped me was realizing how much time I spend in my own head, missing or tuned out of whatever is going on. I wanted to be present, show up mentally as well as physically in every domain in life but I got really weighed down by my thoughts. Especially intrusive, unwanted thoughts.

Eventually I had to admit that I couldn't think my way out of my problems, the mind that created them wasn't able to fix them. I went to therapy for years but it didn't click until I found the right medication plus the right therapy--and I actually did the work.
 
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Solution2020

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Thank you both for input. I am starting a therapy rather soon, so we'll see. I like how you mentioned certain things, like "tuned out", and some close family members did tell me as you mentioned that "I am creating a problem in my head", though I don't quite think that I am actually creating a problem.

That facade crumbling comment impressed me as I feel that I put a lof of "attention and thoughts" into one babe, and that "rejection" really brought me down, at the same time when I was getting laid off from the job I really liked. Essentially a severe panic attack.

Thank you and focus is on therapy.
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

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I wish you success with therapy and that healing will come to you! It may require time and work but there is no work more important.

I am creating a problem in my head", though I don't quite think that I am actually creating a problem.
It isn't you creating the problem, mental illness is not you. And you are not your thoughts.

When I wrote
that I couldn't think my way out of my problems, the mind that created them wasn't able to fix them.
My meaning is I needed help from outside the mind. My therapist, my psychiatrist and mentors with mental illness all helped me. But it was I who did the work.
 
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Blue Smurf

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GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
 
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