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Is it possible to find love with Anxiety

P

Phil8888

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Joined
Apr 10, 2021
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8
Location
Northampton, England
I have a question to pose to you all. I am a 38yo divorced man and I have agoraphobia that severely impacts and limits my life (not through choice). If I was to make an online dating profile, should I include this in my bio for others to read....or is it best to try and build up a rapport first and then slip it in????


I am not confident at all with dating and I have a very low opinion of myself, which I appreciate is not the most attractive quality to attract women.

I was married for 20 years to a woman I loved very much. Sadly, all through the marriage I was cheated on repeatedly. She told me the reason she cheated on me was because of my anxiety and the impact it had on her and our children. She cheated on me with her boss, her supervisor, her best friends husband, a dad from the kids school and a few more and sexted countless others on her Facebook. I kept on forgiving her as I loved her and we had kids together and I wanted them to be happy. She genuinely made me feel it was my fault she was cheating and I believed that. I kept telling myself, if only I never had this agoraphobia I would be a better husband. She was always very pissed off with me that I "didn't want to go on holidays or out on day trips". Its not that I didn't want to go, as I really did, I just couldn't because of the agoraphobia.

I was also frightened of being on my own, so I put up with being cheated on. She would tell me frequently how I had ruined her life. I wasn't controlling, aggressive, possessive or anything like that. I tried my hardest all the time. She did once tell me that it didn't help that she was much better looking than me as that meant she got hit on all the time.

After I found out that she was having another affair with someone she was working with I had to end the relationship. It killed me and to this day it hurts. She now lives with this man.

I then ended up in a relationship with a woman that ended up being severely abusive. I am not going in to details but I ended up being very badly abused financially, emotionally and physically. It was so bad I tried taking my own life.


So at the age of 38 my experience of women hasn't been the best. But you can not judge the world by two women. But I would be lying if i didn't say the experience hadn't left me feeling ugly, unworthy, unwanted, unlovable and useless.

I want to be with someone who I can love and they love me. Someone to build a life together and be happy together.

But I am not too sure how to do that while suffering with agoraphobia. I was thinking of doing an online dating thing, but do I tell people this is who I am? Its a bit of an off-putter isn't it?

Sorry for the rambling, I hadn't planned to write all that, it just came out.
 
BEASTMODEWARRIOR

BEASTMODEWARRIOR

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its not your fault your previous wife left you, the truth is she got sick and tired of the relationship she decided to cheat, she made the choice, she is one the was disloyal she the one at fault not you, you must truly understand this. No true women who loves his husband will cheat on him because of a little anxiety problem trust me on this, a women who loves his husband that has been with him for so long will try her best to understand and make a effort to make him feel love and understood as much as possible. this is what a true relationship is. okay, you did nothing wrong at all. :)
 
C

CabbageMama

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Feb 7, 2021
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804
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UK
I’m with Beastmode. This isn’t your fault. I don’t do online dating, so not the best judge, but I wouldn’t state it first off. Or maybe choose sites where it may be more acceptable?
 
BEASTMODEWARRIOR

BEASTMODEWARRIOR

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its not your fault your previous wife left you, the truth is she got sick and tired of the relationship she decided to cheat, she made the choice, she is one the was disloyal she the one at fault not you, you must truly understand this. No true women who loves his husband will cheat on him because of a little anxiety problem trust me on this, a women who loves his husband that has been with him for so long will try her best to understand and make a effort to make him feel love and understood as much as possible. this is what a true relationship is. okay, you did nothing wrong at all. :)
Take it slow okay, follow cabbagemamma's advice, best of luck to yea, you find the right one peace and joy everyone :)
 
K

Keesha

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yea of course you can find love with anxiety. :)
Agree! Of course you can.
its not your fault your previous wife left you, the truth is she got sick and tired of the relationship she decided to cheat, she made the choice, she is one the was disloyal she the one at fault not you, you must truly understand this. No true women who loves his husband will cheat on him because of a little anxiety problem trust me on this, a women who loves his husband that has been with him for so long will try her best to understand and make a effort to make him feel love and understood as much as possible. this is what a true relationship is. okay, you did nothing wrong at all. :)
It’s a real shame that you invested so much of your life with a selfish, incompassionate women. Of course you can find love and stay in love with someone even with having mental disorders. You just found the wrong woman. A worthy women will love you just as you are with worts and all. She will love you in sickness and in health, richer or poorer.

First you need to love yourself and know you are worthy of finding love. Know that you are worthy of finding and keeping a good woman. Once you understand this, I think your outlook will change and so will your life.
 
A Fancy Carp

A Fancy Carp

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167
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You could go either way, really. Speaking as someone who is on a whole mess of dating websites, when I see that someone says that they're bipolar or depressed or that they have anxiety in their profiles, I think, "oh that's someone that I have something in common with" and I'm more likely to swipe right on them. I don't have my mental illnesses in my profiles, but mostly because they have character limits and there are more important things that I want to put there.
 
P

Phil8888

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Joined
Apr 10, 2021
Messages
8
Location
Northampton, England
You could go either way, really. Speaking as someone who is on a whole mess of dating websites, when I see that someone says that they're bipolar or depressed or that they have anxiety in their profiles, I think, "oh that's someone that I have something in common with" and I'm more likely to swipe right on them. I don't have my mental illnesses in my profiles, but mostly because they have character limits and there are more important things that I want to put there.
very interesting. That makes me think I should include it on my profile
 
A Fancy Carp

A Fancy Carp

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California
very interesting. That makes me think I should include it on my profile
Another thing to consider is whether or not you want people that you know to know about your mental illnesses because I've seen people that I already knew on dating sites. It doesn't bother me that much if my stuff is public, but your mileage might vary.
 
T

Traveler5

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Jul 12, 2021
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270
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On the Edge of Sanity
I sympathize with you. I am sorry you're going through this but before you move on let's get to the core issue: your agoraphobia.

Are you being treated in any way for your condition? Therapy, meds? If not, start there. Try to get mentally heathy first. Perhaps all you need is the right combination of meds to resolve your problems. That's all it took for me and I had severe symptoms of GAD. Your health is more important than anything else right now.

Take care.
 
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