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Is it possible I have aspd?

T

Tia

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2021
Messages
2
Location
slovenia
So I'm 26 and diagnosed with adhd and anxiety. Here's the thing though, I think I might have a personality disorder?
A therapist I used to see told me I lack empathy. Another psychiatrist told me I have obvious probems with authority and being responsible. After I told her I have trouble keeping long term friendships and relationships she told me it's because I'm impulsive and also, appear very nice and charming at first, until people get to know me.

The problem is that I didn't want to discuss the lack of empathy or being irresposible because I felt like they were both judging and thinking of me as the lost cause - something I've always been in the eyes of many. I know what is deemed socially acceptable and I like to keep up this image of myself that is ideal and accepted by society, if that makes sense, even with professionals who I feel like can't handle me. You know?

Making friends or finding partners is not a problem for me. The problem is, like I mentioned, keeping them. I've had people tell me I'm manipulative, I've been cut off many times for back-stabbing them, or I cut them off out of nowhere, which is what happens most of the time. And I can't say I've ever felt bad about it. After the initial infatuation with a person, I quickly get bored of them. I lie often, too. I invade people's privacy behind their backs. Sometimes I make up a new persona just to talk to someone. I have no idea why.

Irritability and anger are another big problems I've been dealing with for most of my life. I mostly express it verbally, but it definitely got physical - for example; I threw a beer bottle at my partner and gave him a permanent cheek scar.

I grew up in a pretty chaotic household. As a child, I was quiet and closed off, but I was aggressive towards other kids. I've had violent thoughts for as long as I can remember and as a child, I acted out on them too.

I was kicked out of school for being under the influence all the time, for destruction of property, bullying etc. They put me in a program for troubled teens and that didn't work. I'm 26 and still actively dropping out of school because I can't seem to handle the responsibility. The only reason I still have a job is probably because I work in security and it's more dangerous and therefore, not a routine 9-5 plus they are desperate for people, even those who keep sleeping in and making excuses for being kind of a bad employee.

My self esteem is a paradox. As much as I don't feel the need to please others, when I feel like I'm not being showered with compliments, I feel like I'm not as liked and appreciated as I would like to be, I'll feel my self worth drop. Might I mention, this could be just a coworker telling me about another coworker being nice - that almost feels like a threat to me. I feel like I put myself on a pedestal and lose my mind when someone challenges it, even if they don't mean to.

I feel so empty, apathetic all the time. I feel bored no matter what I do. Might just be the adhd, but I keep picking things up and dropping them because I get bored so fast. It's really hard to plan ahead and think of my future as I'm so used to living day to day and I'm really all about the shortcuts and quick rewards.

How should I move forward? Should I try talking to a professional again, should I bring up the fact I think I might have a personality disorder? I hope all of this is making sense.
 
T E_90

T E_90

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Joined
Jun 4, 2021
Messages
239
Location
__
Hi and welcome

Just a therapist could know for sure and give you an answer.
You seem analytical and being able to self-analyze your behaviors and your past.
So maybe ,more than a diagnosis, a suggestion could be to concentrate on trying to understand what makes you react this way, talking to a psych and starting a path, like psychotherapy, CBT, etc ..
maybe that could work.

I always thought it was a lot of bullshit, that all psychiatrists were a bunch of freudians gravediggers ready to point fingers, and that I knew best.
But had to start due to major problems, and turned out to be useful, since having this doesn't allow me to speak freely about what my real thoughts and issues are,
the psych is the only one who can understand,
or at least not judging.
Most of all, it helped a bit to open doors of memory that I didn't consider or that were long forgotten.
Maybe you could give it a try.
 
1

1redpath

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Joined
Nov 8, 2021
Messages
193
Location
.
Alot of the behavior stuff sounds like ADHD even the boredom
And sounds like you're anxious because your psychiatrist has said these things to you
What the worst that can happen by talking to the Dr?
 
T

Tia

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2021
Messages
2
Location
slovenia
Alot of the behavior stuff sounds like ADHD even the boredom
And sounds like you're anxious because your psychiatrist has said these things to you
What the worst that can happen by talking to the Dr?
a lot me being irresponsible, impulsive, bored is probably adhd. However, it’s the thoughts and behaviours that are there that arent adhd related. Like aggressivness, violence, lack of empathy, lack of genuine emotion, all that.

i’m not anxious about what the psychiatrist said. I’m angry at her for making me feel judged and she practically told me I’m selfish and I use people while giving me a nasty look. I was trying to open up to her about how hard it is for me to genuinely connect with people and how I struggle with being responsible.

I would like to see another doc. I’m just sick of being the lost cause no one wants to deal with. Maybe my best option is to just ask if they can help me figure out wheter or not I have aspd.
 
1

1redpath

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 8, 2021
Messages
193
Location
.
Ok I think I understand
Would you say the trust is broke between you and your doctor?
If so, you have to change Dr.
No harm in asking the Dr any question that's what they're job is
Try not to let these comments ruminate in your mind.
 
H

Hokiepokie

Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2021
Messages
8
Location
South Carolina
So I'm 26 and diagnosed with adhd and anxiety. Here's the thing though, I think I might have a personality disorder?
A therapist I used to see told me I lack empathy. Another psychiatrist told me I have obvious probems with authority and being responsible. After I told her I have trouble keeping long term friendships and relationships she told me it's because I'm impulsive and also, appear very nice and charming at first, until people get to know me.

The problem is that I didn't want to discuss the lack of empathy or being irresposible because I felt like they were both judging and thinking of me as the lost cause - something I've always been in the eyes of many. I know what is deemed socially acceptable and I like to keep up this image of myself that is ideal and accepted by society, if that makes sense, even with professionals who I feel like can't handle me. You know?

Making friends or finding partners is not a problem for me. The problem is, like I mentioned, keeping them. I've had people tell me I'm manipulative, I've been cut off many times for back-stabbing them, or I cut them off out of nowhere, which is what happens most of the time. And I can't say I've ever felt bad about it. After the initial infatuation with a person, I quickly get bored of them. I lie often, too. I invade people's privacy behind their backs. Sometimes I make up a new persona just to talk to someone. I have no idea why.

Irritability and anger are another big problems I've been dealing with for most of my life. I mostly express it verbally, but it definitely got physical - for example; I threw a beer bottle at my partner and gave him a permanent cheek scar.

I grew up in a pretty chaotic household. As a child, I was quiet and closed off, but I was aggressive towards other kids. I've had violent thoughts for as long as I can remember and as a child, I acted out on them too.

I was kicked out of school for being under the influence all the time, for destruction of property, bullying etc. They put me in a program for troubled teens and that didn't work. I'm 26 and still actively dropping out of school because I can't seem to handle the responsibility. The only reason I still have a job is probably because I work in security and it's more dangerous and therefore, not a routine 9-5 plus they are desperate for people, even those who keep sleeping in and making excuses for being kind of a bad employee.

My self esteem is a paradox. As much as I don't feel the need to please others, when I feel like I'm not being showered with compliments, I feel like I'm not as liked and appreciated as I would like to be, I'll feel my self worth drop. Might I mention, this could be just a coworker telling me about another coworker being nice - that almost feels like a threat to me. I feel like I put myself on a pedestal and lose my mind when someone challenges it, even if they don't mean to.

I feel so empty, apathetic all the time. I feel bored no matter what I do. Might just be the adhd, but I keep picking things up and dropping them because I get bored so fast. It's really hard to plan ahead and think of my future as I'm so used to living day to day and I'm really all about the shortcuts and quick rewards.

How should I move forward? Should I try talking to a professional again, should I bring up the fact I think I might have a personality disorder? I hope all of this is making sense.
Then answer I can give you is honesty. Yes, you might have ASPD. The symptoms and behaviors you describe make it certainly a close call. Now obviously, only a mental health provider can diagnose you, but lets say for the sake of argument that you do have ASPD? Well? Do something about it. Get treatment, get therapy and apply it! Try hard in therapy. No lies, no dishonesty, let it all hang out. If it's ASPD, it's very treatable. No way to treat ASPD if the therapist doesn't know you have it. They don't have a magical ball. If you aren't telling them all the information, then once again, they aren't robots or fortune tellers. So, go to the therapist, tell the truth about all your symptoms and behaviors, and if it's ASPD, then your next thought should be, I'm going to fix it. And....it can be fixed and your life dramatically improves.
 
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