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is it normal for intrusive thoughts to come and go ??

N

notme23

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Joined
Dec 1, 2019
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illinois
I don’t believe I have OCD per say given the circumstances of it coming and going however I’m just posting this multiple places so I can try to get answers. I don’t recall having intrusive thoughts for that long. The first time I remember having them was the summer between my junior and senior year of high school (2017) and if I ever had them I could just sleep it off and be fine. It didn’t affect my life at all I would just either get distracted and it’d completely disappear or i’d sleep it off.

Preface I’ve struggled with anxiety for a long time so I know what anxiousness and panic attacks feel like. If I have a panic attack I normally will sleep it off and wake up fine. Well something changed last year in october I started having some but instead of it just sleeping off, it overtook my life. 24/7 constant misery I couldn’t get a break from intrusive thoughts. Watching youtube and tv/doing activities such as makeup would help me calm down and I would go on with my life. I would also stay with friends and work constantly to distract myself to feel better.

During this time my emotions were extremely suppressed. Meaning my regular depression that I struggle with was almost entirely non existent which is ig “good” but not really. I’m a normally very emotional person and during this time I remember even not being able to cry other than a few times which is bizarre. My sex drive was also pretty much non existent. Eventually it went away on its on around December and if I ever got them back it usually didn’t last long and I could control it. I considered this me bouncing back and thought I was fine. My sex drive was back, I was the same old me I used to be and I was good until recently. I read a really scary story (look up u/crazysonthrowoff for reference but please don’t discuss the story in comments) and also watched the movie it referenced. Well for whatever reason this story like traumatized me super bad. When I originally read it I had a panic attack and assumed like always I’d just calm down and sleep it off. This was not the case. I was waking up with agonizing anxiety 24/7 caused by this. I had no appetite even if I was starving and hadn’t eaten. Being around my family was completely agonizing because of how bad the intrusive thoughts were. Even watching things to distract myself didn’t help at all. Constant panicking feeling and intrusive thoughts were worse worsening the anxiety.

I went to the ER and they told me to take melatonin to mellow myself out which ngl it did help but I only took it twice for the anxiety because I’d rather not have to rely on that to instead of constant anxiety feeling like a drowsy zombie while awake. I’ve been spending time with my friends because that helps and I almost brought myself out of it entirely but it comes back a little bit (given its only been like 6 days so I haven’t gone through an entire record period per say for me to know if I “bounced back”) my emotions are still extremely suppressed and almost non existent I can barely even laugh.

Here is my question though, if Ai do “bounce back” entirely where I go through a period of months where I’m entirely normal like before any of this started around a year ago, what precautions can I take to make sure this never happens again because let me say this is agonizing and i’d rather live a normal 19 year old girls life. Granted most of 18 was good since my birthday is in August but I’d rather not waste my youth being plagued with anxiety and intrusive thoughts to the point I can’t even go out and have fun or anything like I normally could before I go through these “episodes” also idk if this makes sense but I don’t really want to see a therapist for the main reason being whenever I “bounce back” my regular depression and anxiety are back to normal and it’d be a little unsettling talking to someone about this fucking shit and then still needing help without my actual depression and anxiety when i’m back “normal” again. any advice is helpful!! please!!
 
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calypso

calypso

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Hiya and welcome to the forum. Intrusive thoughts are terrible at times. I use Mindfulness to deal with mine which teaches that trying to ignore or suppress or simply distract won't work so you accept them and then allow them to flow through you and out again, drawing the mind back to something else. Its about noticing all that is around you in the present moment and not thinking forward or backwards.

I think you anxiety and depression can be alleviated and you need help with that. You say you are against therapy but I think it could help a lot in teaching you techniques to cope with these feelings and explore why you feel the way you do. I mean is there a trigger for it? Something that accumulated in you until you tipped over into these experiences?

I don't think you should feel alone with this and would urge you to see a doc. I know they just think in terms of pills but a short course of something to alleviate the worst whilst you get back to your "normal" self might help you.

 
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