Is It Just Me Or Is It My Illness?

[angelfire]

Hi all,

this is my first thread, and I just wanted to put up a thread having read some of the other threads on here, I'm new to the forum and just wanted to add my thoughts and feelings about my illness (I have schizophrenia).

I don't know what to do really. I've been on medication for 2 years after a second relapse (I hadn't previously taken my medication for 6 years as I was in denial) and as far as I know I've been well, but I'm still having some problems.

I just wanted to know if I'm alone in this, is there anyone else who experiences these problems, or if anyone knows any good websites to read about this sort of thing it would be really appreciated.

Firstly, I just haven't been able to get out of my home much, which makes work really difficutl, I get Income Support but with the new rules I might not get that for much longer, I also find sleep a big problem, and also socialising with lots of people at once I find hard.

Are these common problems? Or is this just me, as my personality? I moved from my home town to a nearby town and I was given outpatient status and then told to see my GP if anything happened.

I still hear voices and get paranoid occassionaly, but haven't been back yet to see the doctor, as the last time I went he said there was it was better to leave it, which I thought was odd, but he didn't increase my medication or anything.

I also have trouble of course meeting anyone, I'm single, have been for 8 years, I doubt many girls would want to date a unemployed person who can't drive.

I had a bad christmas day, felt really withdrawn, but I never know if its just me and my personality. Does anyone else feel this way?

I tried doing a course recently but couldn't face going in so I left. Going to start voluntary work so hopefully I'll be able to do it, though I have so many worries about it and I don't know if I'm well enough, but its so hard being in the benefits system.

Anyway, any thoughts would be really appreciated.

Thanks,

Dan

 

[schizolanza]

Hi Dan.I can relate to all that you are saying.
What medication are you taking?
Struggling to come to terms with the illness,crazy sleep patterns,not wanting to socialise with other people,staying at home are all symptoms of my illness.
I'm currently working as a cleaner.I dont see anyone at work I'm all by myself.I'm not sure I could cope with a normal working environment.
As for benefits I'm currently not getting any,though have applied for DLA which I'm waiting to hear from.
If you're still having symptoms like hearing voices and getting paranoid then go back to the GP imo.If you're not getting the help you need then fight for it.

 

[angelfire]

Hi Olanza,

thanks for the reply.

I'm taking Amisulperide 200mg, it was increased after I complained of hearing voices.

You're right I'll have to go back to my GP, have been meaning to get around to it, its mainly at night that I hear voices, when its quiet.

You have the same problems as I do? I'm not alone then? I feel like I should be well, my family know I'm on medication and just think I'm fine, when I'm not so sure. I don't want to have to tell them I'm having problems all the time, but what can you do.

Do these problems go away with medication, I've been on meds for 2 years now, taking them twice each day, and thought i'd be completely fine. My doctor told me that recovery can last years though, so could I still be recovering?

Well done for working btw, that's really impressive, I'm dreading going back to work, I've put it off for years, I just don't know if I can handle being in a work environment with the pressure of it, working for a living frightens me after being on benefits for so long, but sometimes I wonder if I'm just plain lazy lol, sleeping a lot at strange hours, not socialings, staying in my flat, its so hard, I so want to be normal aswell.

I just feel like is this partly my own personality? I feel like I should be well as I've been on meds for a long time.

Dan

 

[schizolanza]

I'd love to come off medication.I'm on 15mg olanzapine.I'm going to have my meds reduced slowly to see how I manage without them.
You did the right thing posting on this forum.I'm sure you'll get some decent replies soon once the holiday period is over.
I've noticed that medication reduces my symptoms.I think that the general concensus is that you have to find the medication and dosage that works for you.
I keep asking myself when I'm going to get better.I think the sad truth is most people never recover completely.The meds limit the number of episodes but those who never have another episode are in the minority.

 

[iamthx1138]

Hi im new to the forum aswell. I can identify with everything youve said, to an extent im certainly still in denial about my illness i reckon its an ongoing battle. But i do take my meds and i seem to be able to function much better, i didnt work for a few years and it got me into a cycle i got paranoid, i had no self worth, but i tried to do more and the more you do the better you feel. I went to college to do counselling, i was fuckin nervous everday wrestling with doubt but i went for a quick pint before hand and i was alright. I found it hard to start work, nothing really prepares you i went to job interviews but being withdrawn didnt help, i was put on agency lists but always at the bottom. But after perciveering i got a job, ive been working for two years now taking my meds and looking after my son. It took a long time, people at work would make comments about lazy mental people on benefits, but i just told them that you they were talking about people like me. I work hard a lot harder than some people and they soon shut the fuck up, in other words i had a mental illness and they never even realised and i was doing exactly what they were doing. Im not going to say its easy, but nothing is, its not like once you start work everything is rosy everyday is a battle. Anyway all im trying to say is that youve got power and wisdom inside you, really you know you can do it the forces of doubt and negativity attack every day but believe in yourself and those that believe in you and dont be ashamed go out there and change maybe warp a few minds. Good luck hope me sharing has helped a little.:

 

[schizolanza]

I forgot to ask.Has your medication amisulperide recently been increased been beneficial to you,or are the symptoms still there?

 

[angelfire]

Hi, sorry I didn't reply quickly.

I had the meds increased quite awhile ago, 2 years ago and I was fine, up until recently when I started hearing things and I got paranoid a couple of times.

 

[schizolanza]

I suppose they'll want to either increase your medication further or switch you onto another antipsychotic.
I'm sorry that things aren't progressing with your illness as you would like.I long for a complete recovery myself.I'd like to be med free,with no symptoms.

 

[Danage]

I suppose they'll want to either increase your medication further or switch you onto another antipsychotic.
I'm sorry that things aren't progressing with your illness as you would like.I long for a complete recovery myself.I'd like to be med free,with no symptoms.

I think everybody would like that.

 

[schizolanza]

Problem is we're encouraged to think that true recovery is likely if we take our meds.For most of us this is not true.

 

[Danage]

Problem is we're encouraged to think that true recovery is likely if we take our meds.For most of us this is not true.

Yes, I think you're right there.