Is it depression?

L

LOST_

New member
Joined
Mar 13, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Uk
#1
Hello.

I’ve been thinking I might be in a depressed state/phase.

I already felt bad months ago but it was less intense. These last days it’s been awful..
Mornings are the worst moment of the day.. usually after spending a night where I can barely sleep because I’m thinking a lot or just can’t find sleep.

In the morning I feel like a zombie, I feel tired and my body is non energetic. I have pains in some part of my body as well.

Morning/early afternoon are the time of the day where I feel the numbest. Going to work, talking with people, moving, working are the most difficult. I can be slow. To move, to understand people and to speak as well.

Sometimes I feel like crying, and I zone out a lot as well... as the day passes, I feel a bit better and can actually talk and move more. But every morning its the same thing, I feel like a zombie and getting up and getting ready is a chore.

I’ve got thoughts about death yeah. At first I could surprise myself wishing I was dead. Or hoping not to waking up the next morning. Or.. hoping for something to come ans take my life. I don’t want to live anymore. Because I don’t recognize myself. I used to be joyful now I’m so sad and not fun to be around. I don’t smile anymore. I can’t find anything that makes me feel passionate anymore. The things I used to like, I don’t do any of them anymore. I feel lost and hopeless. I feel like I ruined everything by making some bad choices and I’m not sure of anything anymore when it comes to studies, to architecture... i couldn’t keep up with the applications again and I know Im going to feel pressure by my family again because of that. I just am not sure of anything at the moment. And I know anything I could tell them won’t make them understand me. I feel like such a disappointment.

Also, I feel so lonely.

Having to pretend or just to try and be social is hard. People can see how different I am lately cause it’s more intense. So they’re curious and they ask questions but I don’t even know why I am feeling like this in the first place. They don’t understand when I tell them that I’m just not feeling good. I can’t find to tell them why I am feel with clarity. It makes me feel even worse. When we actually talk a lot about it they don’t really know how to react either. I spoke (deeply) to one friend about it and I can’t seem to reach out to her when it’s bad because I feel like it’s too much. Because I’ve been feeling good then bad, over and over again.

What am I feeling? Is it depression?
 
honeybadger

honeybadger

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Mar 6, 2019
Messages
173
Location
US West Coast
#2
Hello.

I’ve been thinking I might be in a depressed state/phase.

I already felt bad months ago but it was less intense. These last days it’s been awful..
Mornings are the worst moment of the day.. usually after spending a night where I can barely sleep because I’m thinking a lot or just can’t find sleep.


In the morning I feel like a zombie, I feel tired and my body is non energetic. I have pains in some part of my body as well.

Morning/early afternoon are the time of the day where I feel the numbest. Going to work, talking with people, moving, working are the most difficult. I can be slow. To move, to understand people and to speak as well.

Sometimes I feel like crying, and I zone out a lot as well... as the day passes, I feel a bit better and can actually talk and move more. But every morning its the same thing, I feel like a zombie and getting up and getting ready is a chore.

I’ve got thoughts about death yeah. At first I could surprise myself wishing I was dead. Or hoping not to waking up the next morning. Or.. hoping for something to come ans take my life. I don’t want to live anymore. Because I don’t recognize myself. I used to be joyful now I’m so sad and not fun to be around. I don’t smile anymore. I can’t find anything that makes me feel passionate anymore. The things I used to like, I don’t do any of them anymore. I feel lost and hopeless. I feel like I ruined everything by making some bad choices and I’m not sure of anything anymore when it comes to studies, to architecture... i couldn’t keep up with the applications again and I know Im going to feel pressure by my family again because of that. I just am not sure of anything at the moment. And I know anything I could tell them won’t make them understand me. I feel like such a disappointment.

Also, I feel so lonely.

Having to pretend or just to try and be social is hard. People can see how different I am lately cause it’s more intense. So they’re curious and they ask questions but I don’t even know why I am feeling like this in the first place. They don’t understand when I tell them that I’m just not feeling good. I can’t find to tell them why I am feel with clarity. It makes me feel even worse. When we actually talk a lot about it they don’t really know how to react either. I spoke (deeply) to one friend about it and I can’t seem to reach out to her when it’s bad because I feel like it’s too much. Because I’ve been feeling good then bad, over and over again.

What am I feeling? Is it depression?
Probably. See a real doctor with a Rx pad.
 

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