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Is it depression or anhedonia?

vanish

vanish

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I'm confused what has currently come sailing into my brain. I feel flat but instead of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I feel nothing. I decided to go out this afternoon and see a movie with a family member, but instead of feeling sad at the ending, I just sat there drawing a blank emotion. I'm not getting pleasure from anything lately. I would've thought that being a huge RW fan, I'd love the current X factor UK series, but nothing. Tonight I turned it off early due to lack of interest. Tomorrow I have class at college and while I'll go, I doubt I'll enjoy it either.
I wish I knew what was wrong with me! I just want to feel enjoyment and contentment again.
 
Topcat

Topcat

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I feel like I've felt a similar way for a long time. For me definitely anhedonia as I'm fairly sure I'm not depressed. I don't have the thoughts and physical symptoms of depression, just this "nothing" feeling about stuff. I can feel negative things like anxiety, but nothing like fun, enjoyment, interest, excitement. I read that sometimes dealing with a lot of emotion can trigger anhedonia as a way for your mind/body to switch off and cope. Have you dealt with a lot of stress or depression, or strong more swings recently?
 
vanish

vanish

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Hi Funkthefear, I have had a lot of ongoing stress and mood swings due to lifestyle changes (I'm trying to live clean even though I am still fighting the demons of addiction every day plus trying to get my studies done and the pressure I am putting on myself to be successful).
Sometimes I think about taking my own life just to fleetingly feel something. The only thing stopping me is the knowledge that nobody would miss me and I'd be forgotten. I know that's depression talking perhaps, I don't know. In my RL environment, a lot of people rely on me for emotional support and while I don't mind, I don't have anyone as a sounding board myself. It is like I don't really matter except to be an emotional punching bag for people's fractured minds.
Everyday I hit the ground running... perhaps how I am feeling is my mind's protective measure to protect me from going off the deep end?
 
Topcat

Topcat

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You're possibly right. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of things right now, but you also sound like you have quite a lot of inner strength to be getting through. It also sounds like you need to take a step back sometimes and give yourself a break, and a pat on the back. If you need to take some time for yourself then do it, you are helping yourself to overcome something difficult, but to be able to be there for others you need to take care of yourself first.
You do sound like you may be depressed, but it's understandable. Please give yourself a break and maybe find somebody you can talk to about everything. Any chance of some talking therapy?
 
vanish

vanish

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I am in therapy for a traumatic experience - EMDR. (which my therapist thinks helped trigger off my shonky brain chemistry). I don't see her again until 31st October and I'll mention it then for sure. I do think sometimes I'd like to give myself a break, sometimes I head into respite to hide from the world and recoup. Unfortunately I can never go for long (only a few days) and I have a serious lack of support in reality. My wife doesn't really understand my illness and blames a lot of things on it when it has nothing to do with it at all (for example, if we have an argument she says it must be voices telling me to be argumentative when I'm not even hearing voices at the time). It sucks. I think I need some serious education on self care.
 
boudreauj4

boudreauj4

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Anhedonia can be indistinguishable from a symptom of depression. For many years my doctor and I were not sure which I had, but we finally decided I don't have depression any more, but the anhedonia is still there. It kind of makes it feel like everything is meaningless and not worth while if I don't ever feel good or preasurable from anything ever. Also, my avolition makes it very difficult to initiate anything that might give me some pleasure or fun. I feel like I am just floating through life, only doing things I have to do to survive. I don't do things I want to because there is nothing I want to do. I only do things I don't want to, because the consequences of not doing them are too great. I don't ever feel a sense of reward when I get something accomplished either, so I kind of feel like what is the use, or why bother? Often the only reason I achieve tasks is to avoid negative consequences like the nagging of my wife.
 
K

KG654

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Yea, I understand.

Depression and anxiety can overwhelm us then we just become numb to emotions and feel blocked. I found that taking magnesium malate and ginseng helped me a lot! They have helped many others too! They calm the mind body and spirit and get rid of sticky negative thoughts that loop around. Much anxiety/depression is a deficiency of magnesium. Also, get outside, breathe fresh air, lay on grass, it grounds you again. Another thing that helps is volunteering so we get outside our own problems, it helps us as we help others. Hope this helps you. =)
 
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