is it depression? GAD? Anxiety?

H

hikerChick

New member
Joined
Oct 9, 2018
Messages
2
hi folks: I'm new on this forum. I've suffered from a mood disorder for 20+ years now (though, there were signs when I was young already). In a nutshell, I think it's genetic.. let's just say some of my family is in very poor mental health. Further, I just don't "handle" life as well as I would like.

My symptoms are racing negative thoughts ("my life sucks" and such), low mood, fear , worry and dread. It's hard to be alone when I'm like this. In the past, I was diagnosed with GAD by a family doctor.. and yes it applies. But there are other things. My core issue, in a nutshell, is the constant feeling of being uprooted/not belonging (have moved many times in my life). I want to "come home" so badly.. who knows where or what home is.

On the positive side, I do have a lot of energy and am physically very active. People who know me say I have "good energy" and I uplift them. This is almost laughable to me because I feel lousy inside.

In the past it's felt like it's mostly anxiety.. I've kind of "graduated" from anxiety though.. realizing it's just a bag of body sensations so it does not bother me anymore. Now it feels more like depression.. but is it? or is it some mild form of bipolar.

I've used lexapro off and on over the years. It's worked very well for me, but I always try to go off thinking "I'm cured".. then I slip back in to the same lousy mood.

I'm also trying spiritual approaches.. meditation, Eckhart Tolle etc.. which makes A LOT of sense to me.

Anyways, as all of you, I am tired of feeling this way! I want to regain that feeling of "feeling safe and secure"!

Would love to hear your advice.
 
InfiniteRectangles

InfiniteRectangles

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 23, 2018
Messages
508
Location
Georgia, USA
:welcome: to the forum! I'm sorry you have struggled so much. For your racing thoughts, one thing my therapist taught me to do is to put my thoughts in a box on a conveyor belt in my mind and watch them slide away. Have the thought, then move on. Don't dwell on it. It's hard and takes a lot of practice but it can be done. If you're up to trying medication again, it's important that you stay on it. It can be very dangerous to go off of your meds without consulting your doctor first. If you feel better on the meds, that's because they are working. If you don't want to take meds, however, there are other ways to cope with the way you are feeling. Do you see a therapist? A therapist can help you cope with your depression and anxiety. Finding a hobby can help with your depression too. It does sound to me like you could possibly have bipolar disorder if your high energy comes in cycles followed by periods of depression, but I am not a doctor. I can only speak from experience as I am bipolar too. I hope you find some answers. :hug1:
 
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