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Is it bipolar? Or did I really just ruin everything?

G

Guppy23

Active member
Joined
Oct 4, 2019
Messages
26
Location
Washington
So, this last month after I finally got to visit my (ex)fiance in person in Russia, things were going great, but she became sadder and sadder about me going back. Then, she stopped talking for a couple of weeks, and since then had been easily irritated by everything. I became suspicious / paranoid a bit which made matters worse (I asked a lot of questions about things going on). We have had a lot of fights, some over nothing at all. I'm always very patient about it and apologize but she's been very angry lately. Well, today, I had to finally confront her that I knew she was keeping something from me. It was nothing important to me, truly, she was looking for other people to play with online. No big deal. I wasn't even going to take it up with her. But I had a serious convo in which I told her, that I would understand and not care if she spent time playing with native Russians. That it's no big deal to me, just let me know and hey it's totally fine I can understand it, we all have friends. She got mad, told me I was the only person she ever played with and got very defensive saying she wanted to end things.. so, I told her the fact I had seen her post on a community page looking for people to play with, and asked why she didn't just talk to me about it..

Her response was to tell me I'm a f***ing stalker, f you, get out of my life and to end all contact with me. Heh. I didn't set out originally to find her post, mind you. Though I had felt she was acting off, and last year about this time we split up for a month and she did something very similar. Posted looking for new people to play with, even met some in person.

So now that I threw my entire engagement and everything I saved and worked for away by asking why she was being dishonest (which she says she's not a liar and she knows the "effing truth", even if I didn't call her a liar simply asked why she wasn't being entirely honest.).. I have to ask, does it seem like possibly a bipolar episode..? I hate to place blame solely on that. It's not fair. Though she is unmedicated, and it's not the first time she's hated me and left... I don't know if she will be back. And it's killing me. Because for better or worse I love her very deeply. I admitted that I shouldn't have gone online looking through post on a community page... But at the same time, why is me finding it such a horrific thing? Why didn't she just tell me upfront? Why hide it?


I told her that even if she hates me I still love her and will be here waiting, heh. Because I can do nothing else really. I can't just move on in an instant like that. From signing the paperwork to submit to get married to nothing but hatred in such a time frame, it's very hard. She told me last night she was very sorry and said / did things she doesn't mean / regrets when she's angry. So idk. I know she's furious right now. But she won't accept any responsibility in it. It's completely my fault, and me being who I am, I do blame myself. Had I kept my mouth shut, this would have been avoided. I just want some feedback I guess. Sorry, it's rambling. I'm exhausted, depressed and crying.
 
HopefulMe

HopefulMe

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 4, 2019
Messages
75
Location
United Statea
Hang in the Guppy. Sounds like alot of anger. I could sit and make assumptions based on your story or sit here and point the finger. You both have to make yourselves happy first. I dont see anything wrong with asking her, I would have. Its not your fault or hers. Its both. We all say and do things out of anger we later regret. Maybe give it a couple days and try to sit down and talk and maybe both of you need to set boundries with one another. Neither one of you needs to settle for fear of being alone. Communication is the best policy in any relationship. Talk it out. Yell and scream. Just keep yourself in check. Maybe y'all are triggering eachothers symptoms?? I hope this helps. You need to chat or vent I'll listen. Hope you can find something to smile about today 😁
 
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