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Is it always me?

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bebe

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 4, 2008
Messages
284
I am not very well at the mo its Sunday night and i am in my house with my partner i think he is at the end of his tether with me but then again i do not think it is me this time and most of the time. He knows i suffer with paranoid thoughts and my mind is not well sometimes but i think i am doing well but then maybe i am not.
I am totally and utterly relient of my partner for everything this includes shopping and going to my appointments i live in a rural village and cannot drive so he my partner has to take me everywhere i feel i am a total and utter disaster to him i feel i am to blame for everything his guilt trips he puts on me is horrible and i know that half the time it is him who's in the wrong.
Appointments to see my CPN and phys are often cancelled because i am made to feel guilty for asking him to take me there.
I often feel that i need to get away from him because he is suppose to be my carer but its getting more like mental torture for me being with him.
I am ill i know but typing down in words to a screen and other people reading it may help me,,please understand everyone i hope you do
 
thedreamswehad

thedreamswehad

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 5, 2009
Messages
66
Location
UK
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I was in a similar position with my boyfriend not long ago, I depended on him for everything and our relationship suffered because of my illness.

What helped me is talking to my boyfriend about my illness and telling him how I appreciate what he does for me, but please don't let your partner put you on guilt trips. Remember you are ill and you need help and support not to feel guilty. If you have done something wrong say sorry and ask your partner to understand how the guilt trips make you feel. And if you feel up to it, you could treat your partner to make him feel appreciated, whether it's just making a cup of tea or running a bath. :)

Also do you have any family members who could help you to give you and your partner a break?

I hope this has helped, hang in there. :hug:
 
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bebe

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 4, 2008
Messages
284
Thank you for your kind words,the answer to your question is no as i live away from my bit of family i talk to i am solely on my own i don't talk to people in the village as my paranoia makes me think they are judging me like all MI some days are as bad as others and i guess today my mind is not well
 
mypd

mypd

Active member
Joined
Mar 15, 2010
Messages
26
Hi Bebe,

If writing in this forum works for you, use it. I have found relationships to be incredibly difficult for me as well. I always felt like I have to perform as a normal person so I didn't mess things up. The sad part in my case is that I kept my issues hidden so when I had "issues" she couldn't understand.

thedreamswehad was right about the sit down and explaining. Of course, it has to be helpful and give the "Normal" one some tips on how to avoid conflict. I walked out on my wife at a dinner in a restaurant because I was sure she was dating other people. She wasn't, but she also never came to tell me that. Now, I am divorced and when I lost the stability, my whole world crumbled. I'm finally on the way up now but it is 6 years later.

Now, I plan to use what soothes me but incorporate a new partner (Should one arrive in my life). My regroup place is in a quiet room with soft music and candle light. Just sitting there together. Any talking has to be soft and quiet. I wish I had have thought of a place back when I had the relationship.

Now, my last thought is that it's important to choose a partner who is healthy for you. You already know that there are some days when your not well. That is an adjustment in a relationship so you want top be sure your with a man who can adapt and accept you for the fabulous person you are.

mypd
 
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bebe

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 4, 2008
Messages
284
Thank you MY for your kind words they help they really do and thank you dreams wonderful advice
 
Raina Walks

Raina Walks

Well-known member
Joined
May 11, 2011
Messages
2,400
It is sad that you miss much needed appointments so that you can talk about your illness with someone who understands what your partner cannot right now...

I made the decision to stay in the city because that is where the help is ... and I also decided to take my life into my own hands because itis not safe in the hands of others...nobody knows my needs are intimately as I do...nobody knows what hurts, what heals...where I am in recovery or illness...I have to communicate that and learned that not many people care. I was married to a guy who said that he was living his life and doing what he wanted and he did not care what my limitations were..he did not care about anything but himself and he complained all the time about my illness...I left him and did not look back except to work through the feelings of hate that I held in me against him...

Sounds like you need to communicate your needs a little louder and fight the feelings of guilt...you deserve treatment and if someone cares about you they should care about your needs and understand that sometimes they have to help...sometimes we know what to do but are very frightened...I was like you with the guy I told you about...unable to look after myself but I left anyway and learned how over time how to look after myself and am still learning...you are worth the effort...remember you have value just because you are...
 
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