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Is it a normal reaction to abuse, is it abuse??

D

Darknesssdaughter

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 2, 2019
Messages
389
Location
Italy
It is stupid I know but I can't stop the repetitive thoughts. Especially about some doctors and other people that mistreated me.
I think I was abused (but I'm not sure) almost continously for to long and now every little mistake people do I go into an episode.

I don't know anymore what boundaries others must have when interacting with me. I think I deserve to be treated bad and to be abused, etc? Because that's how my last 6 years were and become something normal for me. At lest 6, don't remember now exactly how many years.

I would like to know if I'm paranoid or traumatised or just obssesive please?? Because I feel don't know what's real anymore. I think I'm overexagerating to the so called traumatic events.

I will try to explain, if someone understands because I developed some cognitive and speech problems.

I maybe have to many things to say, but I'll keep it brief
I choose to speak about one doctor to see your opinions. Why obsessive thoughts about this doctor in my head? Sometimes I get very angry and want to revenge on him. And than all sort of unpleasant feelings I can't deal with.

Never disrespected him. The only mistake I made was the fact that I told him a certain medication he prescribed is causing me memory loss. You know how they are..cant tell them things like that.

He said I was dirty, not directly. He knew about my obbsesive cleaning and I think he said it on purpose. I went home and cryed and self harmed.
I don't think I can remember what happend next, but I'm trying.. I can't
Some other things are: he called me stupid for having memory problems, he will make racist comments like I drink because I'm from x country and there everyone drinks (I almost never drink), he said I'm not well dressed, he said I'm ugly, he said I'm to skinny, he called me stupid again for having anxiety and ocd. He tryed to manipulate me into how I'm feeling, what I'm feeling in terms of mental health. When I tryed to speak about some symptoms, he will say Im faking them. He always wanted to talk about sex. Hell no! He wanted to know how many partners I had. Also asked what exactly they did to me when I was raped at 9 years old! I think he was bringing all the time this subjects of rape in order to make me feel bad.
I tryed to change him, but i could not find a doctor at that time.

I think there's more and I don't remember everything.
So I payed him to make me sick.
Don't know why I trusted him to tell about myself. He was the first doctor I opened to a little.
 
Z

Zackthemaniac

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
319
Location
North Carolina
Did your doctor really use the words your stupid or ugly or dirty or liar. Or is it more likely he used other words and thats how you may have decided to take it ? I think this doctor is trying to talk about a lot of touchy subjects and you're just having a very hard time dealing with it and getting a little defensive and possibly paranoid.

I know that might sound harsh but im just trying to be honest. Its very hard opening up to people and its natural to get anxious and fearful. I would encourage you to keep moving forward with this doctor and try to be honest about all these feelings and see if he can explain his methods and ease your mind. If he continues to act in manner that makes you uncomfortable than you should cease to see him and do you're best to get another doctor. I wish you best of luck !
 
D

Darknesssdaughter

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 2, 2019
Messages
389
Location
Italy
He used the exact same words I written.
I guess that's how he sees himself and projected that image to me.
I didn't mention I changed him.
 
Z

Zackthemaniac

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
319
Location
North Carolina
He used the exact same words I written.
I guess that's how he sees himself and projected that image to me.
I didn't mention I changed him.
Oh well if you already changed him. Its kind of moot point. If you view it as emotional abuse than thats what it is, regardless of how he meant it. Whenever you talk to your new doctor, tell them and they can help you process the feelings and work through them hopefully.
 
A

aisha23

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 29, 2019
Messages
694
Location
UK
no one deserves to be abused.

I am sorry you went through it
 
Linda1989

Linda1989

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 12, 2016
Messages
327
Location
PA
It is stupid I know but I can't stop the repetitive thoughts. Especially about some doctors and other people that mistreated me.
I think I was abused (but I'm not sure) almost continously for to long and now every little mistake people do I go into an episode.

I don't know anymore what boundaries others must have when interacting with me. I think I deserve to be treated bad and to be abused, etc? Because that's how my last 6 years were and become something normal for me. At lest 6, don't remember now exactly how many years.

I would like to know if I'm paranoid or traumatised or just obssesive please?? Because I feel don't know what's real anymore. I think I'm overexagerating to the so called traumatic events.

I will try to explain, if someone understands because I developed some cognitive and speech problems.

I maybe have to many things to say, but I'll keep it brief
I choose to speak about one doctor to see your opinions. Why obsessive thoughts about this doctor in my head? Sometimes I get very angry and want to revenge on him. And than all sort of unpleasant feelings I can't deal with.

Never disrespected him. The only mistake I made was the fact that I told him a certain medication he prescribed is causing me memory loss. You know how they are..cant tell them things like that.

He said I was dirty, not directly. He knew about my obbsesive cleaning and I think he said it on purpose. I went home and cryed and self harmed.
I don't think I can remember what happend next, but I'm trying.. I can't
Some other things are: he called me stupid for having memory problems, he will make racist comments like I drink because I'm from x country and there everyone drinks (I almost never drink), he said I'm not well dressed, he said I'm ugly, he said I'm to skinny, he called me stupid again for having anxiety and ocd. He tryed to manipulate me into how I'm feeling, what I'm feeling in terms of mental health. When I tryed to speak about some symptoms, he will say Im faking them. He always wanted to talk about sex. Hell no! He wanted to know how many partners I had. Also asked what exactly they did to me when I was raped at 9 years old! I think he was bringing all the time this subjects of rape in order to make me feel bad.
I tryed to change him, but i could not find a doctor at that time.

I think there's more and I don't remember everything.
So I payed him to make me sick.
Don't know why I trusted him to tell about myself. He was the first doctor I opened to a little.
Thats the reason why i dont open up to doctors they are just like ordinary people. They dont really care about their patients, some do. My doctor likes cursing infront of me i thinking about switching. Yes that is verbal abuse you need to report him. The medication do cause memory problem thats why i take fish oil supplements and vitamins. Im sorry you had bad childhood hope you change doctors. Try keeping your past to yourself.
 
D

Darknesssdaughter

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 2, 2019
Messages
389
Location
Italy
I was afraid to report him, the other doctors will find out. He will tell them I'm paranoid about it and than no one will want to deal with me. I need medication.
Yes, that's what I'm doing keeping some things to myself.
One doctor that used to curse in front of everyone kicked me out because I didn't tolerate the meds he gave me. So be carefull is he is short tempered that's not a good sign.
Another one that cursed in frot of me did something he shouldn't. I can not tell.
 
D

Darknesssdaughter

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 2, 2019
Messages
389
Location
Italy
I'm leaving this place. Bye italy
Never come back
I'm forgiving in the end all those who cause me bad things
Family
Boss
Neighbours
Doctors
And other people

My anxiety is 90% almost all the time. I really don't know if I will recover from this or how long will it take
 
Linda1989

Linda1989

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 12, 2016
Messages
327
Location
PA
I'm leaving this place. Bye italy
Never come back
I'm forgiving in the end all those who cause me bad things
Family
Boss
Neighbours
Doctors
And other people

My anxiety is 90% almost all the time. I really don't know if I will recover from this or how long will it take
Wow i wish i can just get up and leave my home for good. You're very lucky.
 
LadyDomino

LadyDomino

Well-known member
Joined
May 7, 2019
Messages
235
Location
Dorset
When possible I always take someone with me (normally my husband) to all medical appointments. I'm so forgetful, and he can ask questions that are needed. Also means Doctors behave themselves.

Can you do this in future?
 
D

Darknesssdaughter

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Nov 2, 2019
Messages
389
Location
Italy
Thank you for your advise.
Yes, I think I can do that. I have someone I can trust.
 
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