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Is he depressed? Feel quite helpless

Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
10,197
Location
England
Hi,
We're still reading and care, so sorry things are still confusing.
Hope things work out okay for you.
Take care
 
P

Peter H

Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Dorset, England
Hi,

I have just read through this entire post and the overwhelming feeling I had was that it sounds like he needs to stop being so selfish and consider your feelings - I mean does he even realise that his actions have caused you to write about this online - that to me seems like a big step. I cannot give advice since I have my own issues I need to resolve I can only give my opinion but seriously, you sound very kind and understanding - perhaps he needs to realise how lucky he is! I have recently split up with my partner... if she would have shown the same level of commitment and consideration that it appears you do I would have fought tooth and nail for her.

I truly hope you find a way to resolve your problem but I think you should also recognise that you are a good person (based on what I have read) and that relationships are a two way street - there must be give and take on both sides and not just one individual (you) doing all the giving.

Just my opinion by the way so please do not take offence.
 
M

Minoussa

Member
Joined
May 16, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Berlin
Thanks Peter, for your kind words.
I don't think he realised what I'm trying to do for him/us. I know he still has strong feelings for me (he said so) but I also know he has some deeper underlining issues. I feel like I'm just a visualisation of an issue he can (verbally) beat into. Does that make sense? He knows how much this will hurt me.

He is still the love if my life and will carry on fighting for our relationship. But I'm getting more and more exhausted
 
M

Minoussa

Member
Joined
May 16, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Berlin
Hey, I haven't wrote anything for a while as I needed to focus on myself. But now I need some advice if anyone is out there that can help.

After our talk a few weeks ago where he said he needs time/space I gave both to him. I didn't call him everyday but when we spoke it was usually between 1-2 hours. The 'darkness' is still around him but he has good days and bad days. He's currently writing a database for me, that I can use for my PhD. He was very excited when I told him I need something and offered it straight away. He still sends quite ambivalent messages.

The problem is now that I have to fly to London this coming Wednesday! And I'm scared. Really scared. He doesn't know yet as I thought I tell him at a short notice, so he can't think about it too much or goes back into his deep spiral. (Does that make sense?)
I am staying the whole week and can stay with some friends. I don't know what to do if he doesn't want to see me. Or if he does but doesn't want to talk. Or even worse if he wants to break up. I want to save our relationship sp any advice of how to behave would be much appreciated.

Anyone can help? I haven't slept in 2 weeks now. :(
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
10,197
Location
England
Hi,
That's great he wants to help you, maybe tell him your coming asap so you can discuss. It might help clear your mind.
Hope things go okay for you.
Take care
 
M

Minoussa

Member
Joined
May 16, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Berlin
Thanks! I'm hoping for the best outcome. Will tell hin tomorrow
 
M

Minoussa

Member
Joined
May 16, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Berlin
So I told my boyfriend yesterday that I'm coming to London. He said that's cool, but he (still) doesn't want to see me... we were on video call as usual at that time. When I've asked him why he doesn't want to see me, he couldnt really answer it and told me that I have to accept it. He needs to be on his own! I told him that I'm really confused and can't understand it, because his behaviour was so different last time I was over. Again he couldn't really answer or give me an explanation. He said he might be able to see me next time when I'm coming over. How should that work? I'm booking expensive flights in the hope he might be in a good mood? To add to the confusion he told me to let him know when I've arrived and where I'm staying. Also that he still wants to talk to me on Skype when I'm over in London.😕 In between he had some moments where he looked very distressed and said he really needs to find a job asap. At the end he showed me the first version of database he's writing for me and spoke about all the features and enhancements he can add later. When I jokingly said I need to pay him for his work, he said 'don't worry, it's part of the service being with me'... I don't know what to do. I'm feeling really helpless and also worthless.
 
M

Minoussa

Member
Joined
May 16, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Berlin
Also when I reminded hin that he offered we can talk next time when I'm in London he said he didn't mean it and I pressured him into saying that... Because I insisted on it.

He's behaving so odd and I can't get my head around it at all...
 
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