is having a favourite person unhealthy

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EstherRose94

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#41
Oh I understand that worry too.

Does he understand what you’re going through though? If so he’s probably not being negatively effected.

Also even if you’re a bit needy/ emotional with him, underneath that I’m sure you still want to be his friend for the right reasons. You care about him, otherwise you wouldn’t be worried about hurting him.
 
Flameheart (was BPDevil)

Flameheart (was BPDevil)

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#42
Oh I understand that worry too.

Does he understand what you’re going through though? If so he’s probably not being negatively effected.

Also even if you’re a bit needy/ emotional with him, underneath that I’m sure you still want to be his friend for the right reasons. You care about him, otherwise you wouldn’t be worried about hurting him.
yeah I tell him pretty much every thing because he's the only person i really trust

he knows I've been struggling a lot lately

things were going good for a while, but now I feel as if I'm relapsing and I'm taking it out on him for no reason
 
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EstherRose94

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#43
I mean I would just tell him that. That you’re not really upset with him, you’re just upset in general.

You’ve probably already told him that in which case I’m sure everything will be fine.

You can always vent here too if that helps you not take it out on people you’re close to. ☺️ That’s what I try to do.
 
Flameheart (was BPDevil)

Flameheart (was BPDevil)

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#44
things have been so bad between us recently and I'm meant to be seeing him soon, but don't know whether to cancel

he told me he has a girlfriend a few days ago which I didn't know about until I told him i have strong feelings for him which I've said many times before

then when I told him I've been crying and hurting myself over it, he said that isn't a justifiable reason to get so upset

my emotions have been all over the place ever since
 
Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

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#45
things have been so bad between us recently and I'm meant to be seeing him soon, but don't know whether to cancel

he told me he has a girlfriend a few days ago which I didn't know about until I told him i have strong feelings for him which I've said many times before

then when I told him I've been crying and hurting myself over it, he said that isn't a justifiable reason to get so upset

my emotions have been all over the place ever since
Does he understand the nature of BPD ?
I'm sorry your emotions are all over the place x
 
Flameheart (was BPDevil)

Flameheart (was BPDevil)

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#46
Does he understand the nature of BPD ?
I'm sorry your emotions are all over the place x
yeah, his area of work is related to mental health
he's the one that suggested for me to sign on to DBT as I didn't know what it was at the time
 
Urban Hermit

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#47
yeah, his area of work is related to mental health
he's the one that suggested for me to sign on to DBT as I didn't know what it was at the time
THats good, he sounds like he is supportive and understanding
 
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EstherRose94

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#48
Hugs! It would be hard for a close friend to have a new gf. But remember that she doesn’t replace you. He can still love your friendship at the same time. Maybe she will become a new friend too! Try to think about it in a positive light ❤️
 
Flameheart (was BPDevil)

Flameheart (was BPDevil)

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#49
my grandad passed away this morning and i was meant to see my fp this afternoon, but it seems he's stood me up, fantastic
 
Urban Hermit

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#50
my grandad passed away this morning and i was meant to see my fp this afternoon, but it seems he's stood me up, fantastic
Ah I'm so sorry to hear that, do you have someone close to talk to or do you want to chat here ? X
 
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EstherRose94

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#51
Im so sorry for your loss ❤️❤️

As urban hermit said, please feel free to share here.
 
Kepraell

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#52
For me it’s not bad, when I have fp they’re usually long distance and rare. I have two, one really hurt me and that’s a struggle to deal with but he’s out of my life, my other is out of my life too but I’m so happy for her and I’m grateful for the life she now has and how she made me a better person. Having her be my fp has helped me so much with labelling it though, cus the only other word was ‘love’ and that wasn’t exactly it either.
It all depends on how much distance you give yourself to a fp
 
Flameheart (was BPDevil)

Flameheart (was BPDevil)

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#53
my fp showed up eventually, but i still feel numb about everything
 
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EstherRose94

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#54
Im sorry 😕 it’s totally understandable that your emotions are overwhelming right now as you’re grieving and probably feeling a little extra vulnerable. We’re here for you :grouphug:

Im also glad that your friend showed up. I’m sure he genuinely cares.
 
Flameheart (was BPDevil)

Flameheart (was BPDevil)

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#55
it was good when i was out with him, but leaving is always the hardest, we can spend the whole day together and then ill always feel bad afterwards cos it ended if that makes sense
 
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EstherRose94

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#56
Yep I understand that all too well. It’s sad to say goodbye even just temporarily. It helps if you have plans for yourself after even if it’s just cleaning up your room or reading a book ☺️
 
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Keesha

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#57
I think people that have been neglected or abused not being nurtured havnt really been shown those skills.
I've been great putting others needs first,but I really had no idea that caring and loving oneself is normal and healthy way to live.
I had no idea that its ok to like yourself and that we need to nurture ourselves,and allowed to be nurtured.
I thought I didn't deserve others help,
I had never asked anyone this before one day out of the blue I asked my husband if he liked that person in the mirror,himself and he said of course he does. I thought to myself that's weird. My husbands are well grounded person etc so I looked at him and thought I guess we do need to love ourselves.
He looks after himself. Guess it made me think,
So yeh I had a lot to learn
I thought loving yourself was a bad thing.
Its weird thinking that's what I believed back then
I used to put everyone before me and still do at times but I strive to love myself just as is.
I wasn’t loved as I child so certainly wasn’t taught to love myself. My parents don’t know what love is but self love is an essential component in healing us. We have to love ourselves to heal
 
Heidrun

Heidrun

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#59
Very interesting conversation since I can relate a lot to the fact that you sometimes expect extreme loyalty from others around you. I also do not know how to cope with that, do I try to figure out if those people are willing to go that far? Or do I just zone of and live a life without close friends. It's like you're waiting to find that one person that does expect the same of you. But I guess each and everyone's expectations are different so it's really hard to find people that have the same. I know talking to those people works temporarily because after the fact I always think that they might be lying or don't take the things so seriously. I am still trying to figure out if I am the problem or if they are. It always ends up in me being the problem just to protect them for further escalation.
 
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EstherRose94

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#60
Very interesting conversation since I can relate a lot to the fact that you sometimes expect extreme loyalty from others around you. I also do not know how to cope with that, do I try to figure out if those people are willing to go that far? Or do I just zone of and live a life without close friends. It's like you're waiting to find that one person that does expect the same of you. But I guess each and everyone's expectations are different so it's really hard to find people that have the same. I know talking to those people works temporarily because after the fact I always think that they might be lying or don't take the things so seriously. I am still trying to figure out if I am the problem or if they are. It always ends up in me being the problem just to protect them for further escalation.
Yeah I’m really craving extreme loyalty from someone but it’s probably more than I could give in return. It’s like..do I deserve to have that from someone or is that not realistic? I feel like we should make our own utopia lol.
 

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