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is having a favourite person unhealthy

4EVRHSP

4EVRHSP

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Putting immense pressure on other people to live up to my expectations has costed me everyone in my life. I never thought it was wrong because I was willing to go that far for them too.
 
snowfreckled

snowfreckled

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Depending on one person to fulfill all the deep, unmet needs and expecting them to continually boost our self-esteem is very unhealthy and damaging. It's giving so much power and casting responsibility on a fallible human. It may give a quick fix but the price quickly grows too high. It's not worth it.
There are much healthier ways to meet those important needs. And our self-esteem should depend as little as possible on external validation. This is one of the harder battles for those with BPD, but every bit of effort is worth it.
 
Flameheart

Flameheart

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why do people have relationships then
 
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EstherRose94

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why do people have relationships then
That’s what I start to think too. I think we’re getting caught up in the black/white thinking. There has to be a healthy balance but I feel like I can’t see it.
 
Flameheart

Flameheart

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I lashed out at my FP for the first time in ages last night and now I feel like a shitty person
 
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EstherRose94

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Aw I’m sorry. That guilt is the worst.

Everyone makes mistakes though. Apologize and try to move forward and know that your friend will forgive you even if it’s uncomfy for a day or two.

Give your friend time to heal too and once you’re both calmed down you can talk about it again if needed and then get back to normal.
 
Flameheart

Flameheart

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Aw I’m sorry. That guilt is the worst.

Everyone makes mistakes though. Apologize and try to move forward and know that your friend will forgive you even if it’s uncomfy for a day or two.

Give your friend time to heal too and once you’re both calmed down you can talk about it again if needed and then get back to normal.
he forgives me too easily and rarely gets mad at me which is part of the problem, i dont deserve to be forgiven
 
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EstherRose94

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Are you kidding? That sounds great. Of course you deserve to be forgiven. It’s great that you have an understanding friend like that 😊
 
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EstherRose94

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You’re taking responsibility for your part in it but you should also accept the forgiveness you get from your friend. I’m sure you’d do the same for him
 
Flameheart

Flameheart

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Are you kidding? That sounds great. Of course you deserve to be forgiven. It’s great that you have an understanding friend like that 😊
im still scared he will get fed up and leave, i dont want to keep apologising to then do it over again, its not fair on him, subconsciously i think im using or abusing him even though I know I can't help it and definitely don't take pleasure in it
 
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EstherRose94

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Oh I understand that worry too.

Does he understand what you’re going through though? If so he’s probably not being negatively effected.

Also even if you’re a bit needy/ emotional with him, underneath that I’m sure you still want to be his friend for the right reasons. You care about him, otherwise you wouldn’t be worried about hurting him.
 
Flameheart

Flameheart

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Oh I understand that worry too.

Does he understand what you’re going through though? If so he’s probably not being negatively effected.

Also even if you’re a bit needy/ emotional with him, underneath that I’m sure you still want to be his friend for the right reasons. You care about him, otherwise you wouldn’t be worried about hurting him.
yeah I tell him pretty much every thing because he's the only person i really trust

he knows I've been struggling a lot lately

things were going good for a while, but now I feel as if I'm relapsing and I'm taking it out on him for no reason
 
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EstherRose94

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I mean I would just tell him that. That you’re not really upset with him, you’re just upset in general.

You’ve probably already told him that in which case I’m sure everything will be fine.

You can always vent here too if that helps you not take it out on people you’re close to. ☺ That’s what I try to do.
 
Flameheart

Flameheart

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things have been so bad between us recently and I'm meant to be seeing him soon, but don't know whether to cancel

he told me he has a girlfriend a few days ago which I didn't know about until I told him i have strong feelings for him which I've said many times before

then when I told him I've been crying and hurting myself over it, he said that isn't a justifiable reason to get so upset

my emotions have been all over the place ever since
 
Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

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things have been so bad between us recently and I'm meant to be seeing him soon, but don't know whether to cancel

he told me he has a girlfriend a few days ago which I didn't know about until I told him i have strong feelings for him which I've said many times before

then when I told him I've been crying and hurting myself over it, he said that isn't a justifiable reason to get so upset

my emotions have been all over the place ever since
Does he understand the nature of BPD ?
I'm sorry your emotions are all over the place x
 
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