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is ghosting or disappearing common with bipolar

K

kilorew99

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A friend of mine is bipolar and I'm not sure how to describe it she just seems to disappear? for literally months at a time it has been at times 3-5 months doesn't reply to any texts or calls then just seems to come back and message etc as if the last months of nothing even happened. Currently again at about 3 months.

I try not to take it personally or anything I'm just a bit out of my depth here.

Is this common with people or there SO's on this forum? and what makes you/them do this do you think? I would just like to understand.
 
I

IDontCare99

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A friend of mine is bipolar and I'm not sure how to describe it she just seems to disappear? for literally months at a time it has been at times 3-5 months doesn't reply to any texts or calls then just seems to come back and message etc as if the last months of nothing even happened. Currently again at about 3 months.

I try not to take it personally or anything I'm just a bit out of my depth here.

Is this common with people or there SO's on this forum? and what makes you/them do this do you think? I would just like to understand.
I don't know about just bipolar...but depression in general can make people do that...maybe they don't want to be a burden, or they are mentally exhausted and need a "vacation". Sometimes I need to recharge. It seems rude, but I don't think people really are meaning to be rude...when depressed it gets really hard juggling friends, work, life etc etc etc...
 
C

CabbageMama

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Yeah, I have done it quite a lot before. When I feel I am too much or too bad for people to manage or deal with. I hide away to protect them. Then hate that I have no-one that cares about me, no real friends. Because I think if they were real friends, they would care enough to be concerned. In that situation, I would like a text every now and then, nothing major, just a few sentences saying 'Hi, am thinking of you and sending you some love. Shout if there is anything I can do for you. X' Maybe a card through the door sometimes or a tiny gift, like a bar of chocolate or a bath bomb. A YouTube link for a good song or a feel good film you have watched recently. All no pressure to reply, just so they know you are there for them. When I am bad I convince myself I have no friends at all, they are not my real friends, then when my mood lifts I try and pretend I haven't felt that bad. And because none of them ever ask me about it or are there when it is bad doing all of the things I have suggested, it never comes up, so we all just act like it hasn't happened. Very unhealthy, but 🤷‍♀️.
 
T

ThrivingBipolar

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Bipolar female here. Reading your message, Killorew99, it could be written by any of my close friends!

That is to say, yes. It is totally normal. And as IDontCare99 said, not just with bipolar, but depression and a whole host of other mental conditions as well.

I dissapear for 2-3 months at a time. During my depressed states, I feel like my brain is a barren desert. I can't think of things to say. I don't really care about much at all. And i don't want to come off as apathetic to my friends but there's just..... Nothing good up there.

Over the years i have learned to send texts to my friends like this one a semi-regular basis:

"Hey love! I hope you're well. Know I haven't reached out lately. I'm drained but sending love"

"Just sending love"


When someone is in that state of isolation, receiving similar texts is nice too. Just something to say "hi. I know you are taking space. Just sending support. I'll be here when you're ready"

And lets talk boundaries :)
If it concerns you too much that they are unresponsive, have a talk with them. Be sure to bring it up during one of their 'connected, up, social' moods so they can understand and process what you're saying.
Boundary setting is important in all friendships, especially where mental health concerns are present.

Just let them know that you'd like to develop a code or a protocol that helps you understand where they're at. You can make it funny and make sure it's almost effortless.

With my bipolar aunt, if I haven't seen her in a while, I send a text to ask if she was abducted by aliens. I just text "aliens?"
If she replies "yes" i know she's just in a slump and she'll get in touch when she can. "No" means something is actually wrong and she's just having a gard time reaching out.
 
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IDontCare99

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@ThrivingBipolar I don't like texting. I prefer phone calls. Text messages are sweet, but should not be the only way you communicate. A sweet message like: "I love you, have a good day at work" is everything...but entire conversation through text are annoying and dumb. There is too much misunderstand through text. Texts should be short and sweet, phone calls are more intimate.

I disappear a lot from friends when I'm gonig through shit. It's normal. Why would you want to talk to people when you might bring them down...

Self care is important, and if they are good friends, they will understand.
 
T

ThrivingBipolar

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@IDontCare99
i totally agree that communicatuon shouldn't just be through text. When I'm in a communicative place, I frequently talk on the phone with friends.

I use short texts like that to help get me through the depressed states when I know I can't handle a phone call. Or if I'm talking to some one else (like my aunt) who I know can't handle a phone call and won't pick up no matter how many times you call.

For real conversations, I agree, text gets all convoluted and can cause a lot of issues. Phone calls are great when they are an option
 
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