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Is getting independent worth the pain?

frisas45

frisas45

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Is it? I wish to know.

As some of you heard about me, I live with my parents to survive. There were times when my mother was schizophrenic, and I had to caregive her to get a roof over my head and have food in my stomach. The doctors demanded her to be hospitalized; but I had no money. We were so destitute that we had to sell everything to survive. I mean, we couldn't afford shit back in US, at least the doctors in South Korea are more affordable. That's why we flew over here. To survive. I had to search meticulously for a renowned hospital to get the help she needs.

The stress I had to endure and struggling with my bipolar disorder is unbearable. There are times I nearly had a mental breakdown!

People around me think I'm lucky or some shit. That I have my parents pay me for my living expenses in my college years. I thought this too, and tried to take advantage of this shit. But my parents became difficult and these problems forced me to move from country to country, delaying my chance for graduation. All these could've been avoided if I just got off my ass and became independent at 25. Yeah, I might face some financial troubles. But in the end, I would've succeeded. Instead, I became a dumb-ass and listened everything they told me to believe.

Do you even realize how difficult it is to be independent? You're safe with us. You'll not leave until you marry.

They say this. Wait a minute. Do you know how impossible for anyone to marry in this day in age? (Sigh)

I tried defying them. Put some boundaries. But that caused more trouble and conflicts, and my family was almost ruined because of my defiance.

My family and I are sailing in a boat. My defiance is causing holes to form. If I rebel, it will sink.

I need to be believe what they tell me to believe, or else I won't survive. My chances of survival DECREASES if I think for myself. Let alone my sanity draining.

This, and other things that goes in my life, led me to deep depression. There are hobbies, and things I want to do, and I can't do them.

I tried philosophy of all kinds. I tried to live for myself and live for the moment. Nothing works.

And didn't I mention? My parents are right. When I asked Reddit and this forum, people told me that it's hard everywhere. The economy is in the dumps. It's impossible for me to be independent. Not only my paycheck will NOT be enough, I will shiver in the cold and starve to death. The money I get isn't enough. I need my parents to survive because it's all about sharing nowadays. I'm not good enough to get a fucking roommate, so I need them to survive.

But today, I saw Elon Musk telling how difficult starting a company is. There was a time when Musk had to code on his computer the all day and night, seven days a week. Plus, he had to manage is tight budget. He started to describe the difficulty of running a company in details. And I thought, It's not as hard as dealing with my parents...

I'm not gonna start a company. I thought about it, and I can't take any more stresses because of my parents. But if starting a company is less difficult than my parents (although it's impossible to make the company successful), how easier for me to be independent? The pain I go through during the independence process, is much easier to bear than living with my parents or starting a company.

Even if it is harder, that's still a lot better then living with my parents. But is it worth it? Or am I wrong? Do I have to stay with my parents and deteriorate myself?

(And yeah! I'm not gonna move out here in South Korea. Employment is IMPOSSIBLE! But back in US might seem possible...)
 
frisas45

frisas45

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Recently, my father wants me to be independent, and regrets about the mistake that he did to me(not stopping my mother telling me that I need them to survive). But my mother ain't letting me. She is too ill to realize this situation...
 
frisas45

frisas45

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My father is doing his darndest to support us and he wants me to be. but she ain't letting up.
 
Bipolarbear808

Bipolarbear808

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frisas45 you realize that you will eventually have to become independent right? Your parents will pass away some day and you won't really have a choice but to become self sufficient. I think the older you are when you become independent the harder it becomes.

My advice to you would be to start trying to figure things out now while you have still have the luxury of living with your parents. And I say luxury because you could be homeless, sleeping on the streets with nothing. But right now you have a roof over your head, you're warm and dry, and at least you have food to eat. As bad as things are, they could always get worse!
 
frisas45

frisas45

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Location
South Korea
frisas45 you realize that you will eventually have to become independent right? Your parents will pass away some day and you won't really have a choice but to become self sufficient. I think the older you are when you become independent the harder it becomes.

My advice to you would be to start trying to figure things out now while you have still have the luxury of living with your parents. And I say luxury because you could be homeless, sleeping on the streets with nothing. But right now you have a roof over your head, you're warm and dry, and at least you have food to eat. As bad as things are, they could always get worse!
Does it really become harder to become independent when I'm older? I don't wanna hear the reason.

Really pissed. :mad:

My advice to you would be to start trying to figure things out now while you have still have the luxury of living with your parents.
What you advised me, is what I tried in the past. Big mistake. Staying with my parents is how I got here. I can't figure a "solution" if I am forced to obey them.

Since I can't make my ends meet and study, so I stayed with my parents. For their support! But they decided to drag my ass to South Korea. Trying to make ends meet. South Korea is too competitive. Colleges are worse, and I get stressed even.

A better idea is to run away before it's too late. Get a job before it's too late... even that's half-assed. :(
 
frisas45

frisas45

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South Korea
Does it really become harder to become independent when I'm older? I don't wanna hear the reason.

Really pissed. :mad:



What you advised me, is what I tried in the past. Big mistake. Staying with my parents is how I got here. I can't figure a "solution" if I am forced to obey them.

Since I can't make my ends meet and study, so I stayed with my parents. For their support! But they decided to drag my ass to South Korea. Trying to make ends meet. South Korea is too competitive. Colleges are worse, and I get stressed even.

A better idea is to run away before it's too late. Get a job before it's too late... even that's half-assed. :(

I had all kinds of plans figured out. Working hard in a college, looking for some government financial aid. All came to failure. I'm stuck.
 
Bipolarbear808

Bipolarbear808

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I think you're smart enough to figure out what you need to do. If you made a big mistake in the past, you still have time to try something else. I think making mistakes is a part of life; we all make mistakes; but I think learning from our mistakes is what makes us grow.
 
frisas45

frisas45

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Location
South Korea
I think you're smart enough to figure out what you need to do. If you made a big mistake in the past, you still have time to try something else. I think making mistakes is a part of life; we all make mistakes; but I think learning from our mistakes is what makes us grow.
I don't want to offend you. But this:

My advice to you would be to start trying to figure things out now while you have still have the luxury of living with your parents.
is NOT valid. That advice is near worthless.

I did that in the past, and I continually made plans. Didn't work. It's better off to say: "Frisas45, my advice to you is try to figure out how to BECOME INDEPENDENT." Not living with them, because this living with them is destroying me. I can't make anymore plans. It's better to escape home when I finish college in South Korea. Even that's uncertain.

I need help and support, I can't figure things out anymore. Excuse me, I ain't that smart; My brain's wracked as of now.

That's why I posted in this forum.
 
G

GTP

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Sep 12, 2020
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@frisas45 My advice would be not to look for a partner untill you have a very solid idea of how he would behave, what his values would be and many other things regarding his character. I recommend starting with something smaller than a company to get confidence up. Most of the company starters have done well on good luck and not so much on their smarts.
 

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