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Is avoidance part of BPD

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deep end

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I used to date a girl who, sometimes when she gets upset, would cut herself off completely from the world by staying at home and not going anywhere.

To be clear, this is definitely part of the intense rage that she experiences as a result of being upset.

When she cut herself off, it can last for days (the longest being 4 days, which might have been longer had I not accidentally tried to phone her and she returned my missed call), and I see that she feels intense remorse when the rage episode subsides. She even has a tattoo on her arm saying 'stay...never run away'.

My question is: is avoidance and isolation for such extended periods part of BPD? She spends a lot of time on her own by default.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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hi welcome x
I have BPD and I often cut myself off from the world
I spend a few days alone in bed as I cant face being around people
I don't know why I do this so cant really offer any advise just wanted to post and say I think it is a fairly common thing to do xxx
 
D

deep end

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Thank you so much!

If you don't mind me asking, what needs to happen that causes you to cut yourself off from the world? My GF did it when she was upset about something I said/did, which could be literally anything! Obviously I find it 'odd' that she'd opt to do this, but I have no idea what she is going through. It must be living hell for her... It's tragic, really.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Thank you so much!

If you don't mind me asking, what needs to happen that causes you to cut yourself off from the world? My GF did it when she was upset about something I said/did, which could be literally anything! Obviously I find it 'odd' that she'd opt to do this, but I have no idea what she is going through. It must be living hell for her... It's tragic, really.
fear that my boyfriend will leave me and overwhelming emotions I cant cope with xxx
 
D

deep end

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fear that my boyfriend will leave me and overwhelming emotions I cant cope with xxx
That's also what my girlfriend hints to as reasons... I really wished we could work out... She really feels like a soulmate. It's just too hard... Apologies for the rant. Thanks for the advice xxx
 
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EstherRose94

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My bf probably wishes I’d contain my emotions by keeping them to myself just every so often lol. She might be doing that to spare you.
 
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Snowshoes68

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Oct 30, 2019
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I have extreme and debilitating fears of being abandoned so I'd rather no one knows that I have problems that make me weird or difficult to handle so I hide as well as I can.

I think I've always wanted someone I could feel safe around but I've become so disoriented by the fear that I've lost touch with what that would look like.

But I think I like the phrase "is there anything I can do to help" because it leaves the option to answer no. It also seems mutually beneficial because if you ask that, I'm sure you truly want to help and this answer can give you some clear direction.
 
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teleri

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Oct 15, 2019
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I can also relate to what everyone has said so far. Hiding away from people. Staying in the house for days. The extreme fear of being abandoned and pretty severe rejection sensitivity. Being around people for long periods of time can cause a mental break. I think that the break is always right around the corner and so self preservation comes in. For me, I need to hide to protect myself from emotional extremes. It is just too difficult to bear. But it is heartbreaking to be so afraid of people. Because of the natural desire to connect.
 
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Sarabi_Gyarados

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I need to cut off and hide very regularly.

I think of it as being easily bruised.

The energy and emotions of other people can be very draining for me, and my own emotions and energy can be draining too.

An off-colour joke, someone being rude, stuff that many people let go off and rise above, clings to me and makes me feel awful.

I feel that people with BPD are very permeable, I don't seem to have the boundaries or hardiness that many others have.

I retreat because it feels calm and safe and I can get myself together. It also means I don't rely on others to fix me, I don't want to be dependent on someone else to make me feel better when it is BDP related - I feel I must get a handle on it myself.
 
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